share with me?”
“No. Of course not,” I hurled out way too fast.
In an attempt to hide the cringe that pinched my face with that blatant lie, I turned away from him and crossed my arms over my chest as I studied the rows and rows of wood shelves that were bracketed on his walls. All of them showcased his prize possessions, trinkets, memorabilia, and character dolls from all his favorite video games and books. My chest tightened when my attention landed on his most cherished keepsake of all – the signed copy of his favorite childhood book.
I’d never forget the day it’d arrived in a padded package all the way from the UK. Mom and Dad had both been skeptical when a deliveryman had shown up needing a signature for something that was from out of the country and addressed to Stewart.
Forever I’d cherish the expression that had taken over Stewart’s face when he’d ripped into that box and came to realize the significance of what he held, that it was signed to him with an inscription telling him to
Never stop believing in magic
.
It wasn’t just happiness.
It was a deep-seated joy, something so precious to him that it’d stolen his breath and sent silent tears streaming down his face.
It was a survivor’s prize.
God, I was so thankful he’d been given something so special, the gift so thoughtful that it’d crumbled the last bits of my resistance.
After I’d asked around, Ben had admitted he’d been the one who had it sent, and it was that book that had finally won me over.
“What’s up with you today?” The concerned voice shook me from my faraway thoughts, and I looked over at Stewart, who was watching me with too-keen eyes. That was the problem when you were this close with someone. It was really hard keeping secrets from them.
“Have my Nerd Lair powers taken you hostage and that too-smart brain of yours is being held captive in another realm? Because you definitely aren’t acting like yourself.”
I coughed over the abrupt laugh that found its way out, because only Stewart would name his room after one of his favorite games. Apparently I had been sucked away to another realm. A realm that had always been a fantasy, impossible, wrong, because Christopher had always been wrong for me.
Bad for me, really.
That knowledge didn’t really matter, though, did it?
I’d already known the end result of hanging out with Aly. Had wanted it even, somehow thinking that seeing Christopher again would shut that chapter in my life that had never seemed to close.
He’d left something gaping inside of me, and stupidly I thought seeing him would close it.
I should have known it would only rip it open a little wider and pour on a fresh layer of pain, one that was blended with a whole ton of confusion and mixed with zero clarity. His words had been a harsh contradiction to the temptation of his touch, and every single thing about the encounter had left my head spinning and my heart hurting.
Oh, and my body burning.
Uncontrolled redness flared to my cheeks.
So intense I could feel it heating up my insides.
That was the reaction I’d hated most, that Christopher could control me with just a brush of his hand.
Never
again would I allow him that, the power to sway me physically.
I knew better than that.
I
was
better than that.
Ben’s face flashed like an errant bolt of lightning in my mind, striking me in the most loyal place in my conscience. Lying next to him last night had seemed unbearable, because it was the last place I’d wanted to be. When he came stumbling into our room after two this morning, he’d rained a trio of sloppy, drunken kisses to my cheek, my jaw, and then my mouth.
Guilt had almost cut me in two, and I hadn’t even done anything wrong.
I bit back a bitter laugh. I could just keep telling myself that and continue pretending it wasn’t a lie. Because Ben still had no clue where I’d been or what I’d been up to, had no idea that another man had again broken my heart when he
“No. Of course not,” I hurled out way too fast.
In an attempt to hide the cringe that pinched my face with that blatant lie, I turned away from him and crossed my arms over my chest as I studied the rows and rows of wood shelves that were bracketed on his walls. All of them showcased his prize possessions, trinkets, memorabilia, and character dolls from all his favorite video games and books. My chest tightened when my attention landed on his most cherished keepsake of all – the signed copy of his favorite childhood book.
I’d never forget the day it’d arrived in a padded package all the way from the UK. Mom and Dad had both been skeptical when a deliveryman had shown up needing a signature for something that was from out of the country and addressed to Stewart.
Forever I’d cherish the expression that had taken over Stewart’s face when he’d ripped into that box and came to realize the significance of what he held, that it was signed to him with an inscription telling him to
Never stop believing in magic
.
It wasn’t just happiness.
It was a deep-seated joy, something so precious to him that it’d stolen his breath and sent silent tears streaming down his face.
It was a survivor’s prize.
God, I was so thankful he’d been given something so special, the gift so thoughtful that it’d crumbled the last bits of my resistance.
After I’d asked around, Ben had admitted he’d been the one who had it sent, and it was that book that had finally won me over.
“What’s up with you today?” The concerned voice shook me from my faraway thoughts, and I looked over at Stewart, who was watching me with too-keen eyes. That was the problem when you were this close with someone. It was really hard keeping secrets from them.
“Have my Nerd Lair powers taken you hostage and that too-smart brain of yours is being held captive in another realm? Because you definitely aren’t acting like yourself.”
I coughed over the abrupt laugh that found its way out, because only Stewart would name his room after one of his favorite games. Apparently I had been sucked away to another realm. A realm that had always been a fantasy, impossible, wrong, because Christopher had always been wrong for me.
Bad for me, really.
That knowledge didn’t really matter, though, did it?
I’d already known the end result of hanging out with Aly. Had wanted it even, somehow thinking that seeing Christopher again would shut that chapter in my life that had never seemed to close.
He’d left something gaping inside of me, and stupidly I thought seeing him would close it.
I should have known it would only rip it open a little wider and pour on a fresh layer of pain, one that was blended with a whole ton of confusion and mixed with zero clarity. His words had been a harsh contradiction to the temptation of his touch, and every single thing about the encounter had left my head spinning and my heart hurting.
Oh, and my body burning.
Uncontrolled redness flared to my cheeks.
So intense I could feel it heating up my insides.
That was the reaction I’d hated most, that Christopher could control me with just a brush of his hand.
Never
again would I allow him that, the power to sway me physically.
I knew better than that.
I
was
better than that.
Ben’s face flashed like an errant bolt of lightning in my mind, striking me in the most loyal place in my conscience. Lying next to him last night had seemed unbearable, because it was the last place I’d wanted to be. When he came stumbling into our room after two this morning, he’d rained a trio of sloppy, drunken kisses to my cheek, my jaw, and then my mouth.
Guilt had almost cut me in two, and I hadn’t even done anything wrong.
I bit back a bitter laugh. I could just keep telling myself that and continue pretending it wasn’t a lie. Because Ben still had no clue where I’d been or what I’d been up to, had no idea that another man had again broken my heart when he
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