He hesitates before responding. “Please, Thomas. I need to go home.”
“If you mus t.” His shoulders straighten.
“Michael, could you take Emma home please.” He pauses and his eyes turn to me. “And stay with her please.”
He lowers his voice; “I don’t want you alone.” I meet his gaze. “Do you understand me?” Michael has been quietly searching the room, avoiding us. He’s seen so much of our relationship and heard the most intimate conversations, but he has never spoken a word about it, never judged us. I used to feel anxious and nervous just being in the same room with him. Now the sight of him makes me feel at ease. Thomas trusts him, and so do I.
I GIVE MICHAEL A SMALL SMILE in the foyer as we enter. He takes my coat. Rose isn’t here, she won’t be back until Monday.
“ I’m just going to take a shower.”
“I’ll be in the den.” He nods his head politely as I move past him towards the stairs. Part of me wants to just collapse on the stairs and sleep. I’m so happy to be home and still so exhausted from all of yesterday. She was here, in my house. The unwelcomed thought sickens me. It’s enough to give me the energy to keep moving though.
I drag myself up the stairs and into the bathroom to start the hot shower. I need to wash all of yesterday and this morning off of my body. I drag my body to my bedroom and I feel uneasy. My head starts to throb. I need more Advil, STAT. I sit on the bed and open my nightstand, taking out two small, practically candy-coated, Advil from the bottle.
I think I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I jump backwards, dropping the pills on the floor. My heart races and eyes glance nervously around the room. My eyes dart I take five slow deep breaths and close my eyes. There’s nothing there. Pull yourself together.
I open my eyes and try to relax. I need to calm the hell down. I get on my hands and knees searching for the pills. I let out a bit of relief when I spot them just under the bed and take them in my hands. I throw back both pills swallowing without water.
In my closet I find a pair of sweats and one of Thomas’ t-shirts. It’s not sexy, but right now I need comfortable. Maybe I’ll put on a pair of lacey underwear? Yes, just in case. I wish he were home now, so he could join me in the shower.
When I return, the bathroom is full of steam. I put the clea n clothes on the bench; they smell like fresh lilac. I take in the fragrance and let out a deep breath. I love the smell of laundry. I drop a tiny bit of bath oil onto the floor of the shower; the smell of eucalyptus fills the room. Breathing it in slowly, my body begins to relax. I let my hair down and leave the pile of clothes on the floor as I step in the shower. The hot water is so welcoming on my aching body. I immediately fill my hands with water and splash my face. I rub my makeup away and stand under the stream with my mouth slightly parted and eyes closed. I turn and let my hair become drenched, feeling the warmth massage my back. I lather my hair with shampoo, continuing to breathe slowly. I am home and everything is all right. I am home and everything is all right. I am home and everything is all right. I repeat my mantra while rinsing my hair. The warm lather runs down my back and I finally feel at ease.
As I grab the conditioner, my heart stops. I hear the bathroom door creak open; the eerie sound freezes me to the core. I can’t breath. I can’t move. I try to close my eyes but I can’t; my body refuses to obey me. I don’t want to see. I stare at the floor watching the water form a small pool and then disappear down the drain. The heat overwhelms me, suffocating me. My body starts to tremble and I try to will it to stop, finally clenching my eyes shut.
The door slams and I scream as my entire body gives forcing my body against
“If you mus t.” His shoulders straighten.
“Michael, could you take Emma home please.” He pauses and his eyes turn to me. “And stay with her please.”
He lowers his voice; “I don’t want you alone.” I meet his gaze. “Do you understand me?” Michael has been quietly searching the room, avoiding us. He’s seen so much of our relationship and heard the most intimate conversations, but he has never spoken a word about it, never judged us. I used to feel anxious and nervous just being in the same room with him. Now the sight of him makes me feel at ease. Thomas trusts him, and so do I.
I GIVE MICHAEL A SMALL SMILE in the foyer as we enter. He takes my coat. Rose isn’t here, she won’t be back until Monday.
“ I’m just going to take a shower.”
“I’ll be in the den.” He nods his head politely as I move past him towards the stairs. Part of me wants to just collapse on the stairs and sleep. I’m so happy to be home and still so exhausted from all of yesterday. She was here, in my house. The unwelcomed thought sickens me. It’s enough to give me the energy to keep moving though.
I drag myself up the stairs and into the bathroom to start the hot shower. I need to wash all of yesterday and this morning off of my body. I drag my body to my bedroom and I feel uneasy. My head starts to throb. I need more Advil, STAT. I sit on the bed and open my nightstand, taking out two small, practically candy-coated, Advil from the bottle.
I think I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I jump backwards, dropping the pills on the floor. My heart races and eyes glance nervously around the room. My eyes dart I take five slow deep breaths and close my eyes. There’s nothing there. Pull yourself together.
I open my eyes and try to relax. I need to calm the hell down. I get on my hands and knees searching for the pills. I let out a bit of relief when I spot them just under the bed and take them in my hands. I throw back both pills swallowing without water.
In my closet I find a pair of sweats and one of Thomas’ t-shirts. It’s not sexy, but right now I need comfortable. Maybe I’ll put on a pair of lacey underwear? Yes, just in case. I wish he were home now, so he could join me in the shower.
When I return, the bathroom is full of steam. I put the clea n clothes on the bench; they smell like fresh lilac. I take in the fragrance and let out a deep breath. I love the smell of laundry. I drop a tiny bit of bath oil onto the floor of the shower; the smell of eucalyptus fills the room. Breathing it in slowly, my body begins to relax. I let my hair down and leave the pile of clothes on the floor as I step in the shower. The hot water is so welcoming on my aching body. I immediately fill my hands with water and splash my face. I rub my makeup away and stand under the stream with my mouth slightly parted and eyes closed. I turn and let my hair become drenched, feeling the warmth massage my back. I lather my hair with shampoo, continuing to breathe slowly. I am home and everything is all right. I am home and everything is all right. I am home and everything is all right. I repeat my mantra while rinsing my hair. The warm lather runs down my back and I finally feel at ease.
As I grab the conditioner, my heart stops. I hear the bathroom door creak open; the eerie sound freezes me to the core. I can’t breath. I can’t move. I try to close my eyes but I can’t; my body refuses to obey me. I don’t want to see. I stare at the floor watching the water form a small pool and then disappear down the drain. The heat overwhelms me, suffocating me. My body starts to tremble and I try to will it to stop, finally clenching my eyes shut.
The door slams and I scream as my entire body gives forcing my body against
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