a
photograph of Roger, it would somehow satisfy her curiosity. Maybe she just
wanted to know what he looked like. Feeling desperate, she had to ask: ‘Alice,
darling,’ she began.
Alice had her back to her
mother, sitting by the kitchen table pretending to read the Sunday Mirror
Magazine .
‘Alice, I have a confession to
make.’
‘That sounds interesting.’ Alice
turned around in her chair to face her.
‘When you asked me the other day
if I had photos of your father, I said I didn’t. Well, I do have a couple of
old photos of him. I was hoping you’d decide not to look for him; trying to
stop you.’ She paused, holding onto the mop handle as if for support. ‘For your
own good,’ she added. ‘I know that I probably can’t stop you if you’ve made up
your mind, but...’ She was having difficulty looking Alice in the eyes, ‘I was
hoping that maybe if I show you the photos, that would be enough for you. Maybe
you are just curious to see what he looks like? Anyway, I’ll try anything if
you’ll stop this nonsense about wanting to find him.’
This surprised Alice. Her mother
seemed almost afraid at the thought that she might find her father. What was so
terrible that she didn’t want her to have any contact with him? What deep, dark
secret would she uncover if she found him? There seemed to be something her
mother wasn’t telling her; something that would maybe affect their
relationship. Did her mother have an affair? Was that the reason her father had
left? All sorts of thoughts were parading around Alice’s mind. Now, rather than
being persuaded to stop looking for her father, she felt even more fuelled.
‘I don’t know what happened
between you two all those years ago. I mean, you’ve never told me the details;
and maybe I don’t really need to know the details, but he is still my dad. He is my dad, isn’t he?’ she asked, as another stray thought taunted her brain.
‘Yes, of course he is!’ said her
mother, agitated.
‘I just feel like I’m climbing a
mountain trying to explain this to you. It’s like you don’t think I’m capable
of making my own decisions. You had a mum and dad, and you knew who they were.
You’ve never been through what I’m going through at the moment. Try to put
yourself in my position for one minute. What if you didn’t know who your dad
was? Would you want to find out? It’s not just a picture of him I want. I want
to meet him, speak to him, find out about him.’
Stephanie sighed. She stood next
to the sink and folded her arms in front of her. ‘I have already realised I
can’t stop you doing this. I just needed to try because I am your mother and I
know what’s best for you.’ Again, she did not appear able to look Alice in the
eyes.
‘Okay, will you tell me the real
reason you are trying to stop me seeing him? There’s some big secret, isn’t
there?’
Stephanie’s mouth fell open.
Then, she shook her head and shrugged. Twisting around, she turned on the tap
and began putting on her washing up gloves. ‘I just don’t want to see you get
hurt. He might have a new wife, a new family.’
There was silence for a moment,
then Alice said, ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I can see how it would be hard for you to
find out that he is married again, maybe with other children. I’ve been selfish
only thinking of me.’
Stephanie turned around on the
spot to face Alice. ‘I couldn’t care less if he’s remarried with ten kids and
as happy as Larry. I am only thinking of you. What if he doesn’t want to know
you? What if he has a new family and he hasn’t told them about you? If you turn
up out of the blue it could do more harm than good.’
‘Well, I wasn’t intending to
turn up out of the blue. I was going to phone first. That’s why I came today to
find his number in your telephone directories.’
Stephanie frowned. ‘Oh, there
was me thinking you’ve come to visit me, and all along you’re just thinking
about finding your father.’ She took
photograph of Roger, it would somehow satisfy her curiosity. Maybe she just
wanted to know what he looked like. Feeling desperate, she had to ask: ‘Alice,
darling,’ she began.
Alice had her back to her
mother, sitting by the kitchen table pretending to read the Sunday Mirror
Magazine .
‘Alice, I have a confession to
make.’
‘That sounds interesting.’ Alice
turned around in her chair to face her.
‘When you asked me the other day
if I had photos of your father, I said I didn’t. Well, I do have a couple of
old photos of him. I was hoping you’d decide not to look for him; trying to
stop you.’ She paused, holding onto the mop handle as if for support. ‘For your
own good,’ she added. ‘I know that I probably can’t stop you if you’ve made up
your mind, but...’ She was having difficulty looking Alice in the eyes, ‘I was
hoping that maybe if I show you the photos, that would be enough for you. Maybe
you are just curious to see what he looks like? Anyway, I’ll try anything if
you’ll stop this nonsense about wanting to find him.’
This surprised Alice. Her mother
seemed almost afraid at the thought that she might find her father. What was so
terrible that she didn’t want her to have any contact with him? What deep, dark
secret would she uncover if she found him? There seemed to be something her
mother wasn’t telling her; something that would maybe affect their
relationship. Did her mother have an affair? Was that the reason her father had
left? All sorts of thoughts were parading around Alice’s mind. Now, rather than
being persuaded to stop looking for her father, she felt even more fuelled.
‘I don’t know what happened
between you two all those years ago. I mean, you’ve never told me the details;
and maybe I don’t really need to know the details, but he is still my dad. He is my dad, isn’t he?’ she asked, as another stray thought taunted her brain.
‘Yes, of course he is!’ said her
mother, agitated.
‘I just feel like I’m climbing a
mountain trying to explain this to you. It’s like you don’t think I’m capable
of making my own decisions. You had a mum and dad, and you knew who they were.
You’ve never been through what I’m going through at the moment. Try to put
yourself in my position for one minute. What if you didn’t know who your dad
was? Would you want to find out? It’s not just a picture of him I want. I want
to meet him, speak to him, find out about him.’
Stephanie sighed. She stood next
to the sink and folded her arms in front of her. ‘I have already realised I
can’t stop you doing this. I just needed to try because I am your mother and I
know what’s best for you.’ Again, she did not appear able to look Alice in the
eyes.
‘Okay, will you tell me the real
reason you are trying to stop me seeing him? There’s some big secret, isn’t
there?’
Stephanie’s mouth fell open.
Then, she shook her head and shrugged. Twisting around, she turned on the tap
and began putting on her washing up gloves. ‘I just don’t want to see you get
hurt. He might have a new wife, a new family.’
There was silence for a moment,
then Alice said, ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I can see how it would be hard for you to
find out that he is married again, maybe with other children. I’ve been selfish
only thinking of me.’
Stephanie turned around on the
spot to face Alice. ‘I couldn’t care less if he’s remarried with ten kids and
as happy as Larry. I am only thinking of you. What if he doesn’t want to know
you? What if he has a new family and he hasn’t told them about you? If you turn
up out of the blue it could do more harm than good.’
‘Well, I wasn’t intending to
turn up out of the blue. I was going to phone first. That’s why I came today to
find his number in your telephone directories.’
Stephanie frowned. ‘Oh, there
was me thinking you’ve come to visit me, and all along you’re just thinking
about finding your father.’ She took
Similar Books
