Code Blue by Richard L. Mabry Page B

flowing.
    This time it was Dora Kennedy who replied. "Dear, everyone knew about Betty's mental illness. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And even when your mother got so bad, your daddy saw to it that she was cared for."
    Pastor Kennedy pushed aside his plate and leaned toward Cathy. "You know, God didn't 'let' your parents get killed, anymore than He 'lets' murders happen or children die in their cribs. Since Adam and Eve, this has been a fallen world. It's not perfect like God intended it to be. But there's a way for folks to—"
    "Please," Cathy tried without success to keep her voice level. "I don't want to talk theology. My experience has been that I can't depend on God. Just like I couldn't depend on Rob—" She let the word die unsaid. "Just like I've learned not to depend on any man."
    Pastor Kennedy picked up the thread of conversation."Perhaps not, although I think you're being a bit harsh on the masculine gender." He flashed a smile at his son. "But you can depend on God, you know. You just have to learn to trust Him."
    "How can I trust Him?" Cathy said. "I can't even bring myself to pray."
    "He already knows your heart. You don't have to say a word. Just listen."
    Cathy wished she could let go, take the hand of this kindly man, and tell him everything that was bothering her. But that would involve trust, and right now she couldn't bring herself to trust anyone. Not even God.
     

     
    Cathy squirmed around in the seat of Will's pickup so she could look at him. "I'm sorry I went offlike that."
    Will kept his eyes on the road. "No need to apologize.You're under a lot of stress. I want you to feel free to be open with me, and I know my folks feel the same way."
    Cathy tried to say thanks, but the words stuck in her throat. She turned toward the window and watched the familiar scenery roll by.
    When Will wheeled the vehicle to the curb outside Cathy's apartment, he killed the engine and turned with his right arm over the back of the seat. "You know, when we went offto college I had a dream that I'd come home for Christmas vacation our senior year and propose to you. We'd move to Dallas. I'd go to law school and work nights to support us. You'd go to medical school there. Then we'd come back to Dainger, settle down, raise a family."
    The lump in Cathy's throat grew. She stifled a sob.
    "What happened to drive us apart?" Will said. "You stopped coming home on vacations. I wrote you letters, but you didn't write back. I called and it was like talking with a cousin. You know, 'I'm fine, how are you?' but no warmth, no feeling. Did I do something to upset you? I need to know."
    She kept her gaze forward, looking at his reflection in the windshield. "No one knows this. I didn't even tell my parents.My sophomore year at college, I met someone. A graduate student named Carter Lyles. He was handsome, rich, selfassured, a few years older than me. I guess you could say he swept me offmy feet. He promised me we'd be married after he finished his master's degree. But then I discovered he'd made the same promise to two other girls on campus."
    Cathy focused on Will's reflected image. "I confronted him. He said it was the way men were. Then he walked away. After that, I'd see him around the campus, but it was as though I didn't exist. He'd look right through me—walk by without a word."
    Will took in a deep breath and held it a long time. "So you decided men couldn't be trusted?"
    Cathy shook her head. "For a while, I hoped that maybe there was a man out there who was trustworthy. But my fiancé Robert topped them all. That's when I decided that maybe it was a mistake to trust any man." She wiped at her cheeks with her fingers. Will handed her a clean handkerchief, and she blotted the wet tracks. Between sobbing breaths she told him the story of how she and Robert had broken up. "I don't know who I can trust anymore."
    Only Cathy's soft weeping and the whoosh of an occasional passing car broke the silence. Will reached out and turned