trusted me with a key to her apartment, so I let myself in, and immediately heard her getting her rocks off with another man. It was so loud, I could hear the bed squeak. She didn’t even try to defend herself, like she was proud of it. I don’t blame her, it sounded like she was having a much better time with her newfound beau than what we ever had together.
That wasn’t the last time that kind of situation would happen to me either, but at least the second time was the last time. It was when I was twenty-three. We were always happy, but I had a lingering feeling that something was wrong. There was no passion in our sex anymore. All she wanted to do was get free highs. I didn’t walk in on her with another man, thank god, but I heard her on the phone talking to a nother guy who was obviously her alternate boyfriend. I don’t even think I was the real boyfriend in that relationship. I was only being used. Some of my other girlfriends were like my first one, claiming that there was just no spark anymore, or that they found someone else, or that they didn’t feel safe dating a drug dealer, or even that they didn’t want to be with someone who could get busted and go to prison at any given moment.
Maybe that was the case, which is why I’m being so careful with Karina. I need to quit the life so that she’ll never find out about it. If only I can keep it together. I don’t want her to become just another one of my past girlfriends, especially among the likes of those I’ve mentioned. However, I can’t reflect on all of them negatively, because there were some who I really wished our relationship would have worked out.
When I was in my first year of college, (note that I didn’t go to college directly out of high school) I met a girl in my psychology class. We dated for three months before we finally called it quits. I believed she was one of the only few girls who actually cared about me. The reason we broke up was because she felt I was taking the wrong path in life. She didn’t believe I needed to deal drugs to support myself. And to some extent, I agreed with her. She knew I didn’t use them regularly myself, which was one reason we lasted as long as we did. I tried to explain how I wouldn’t be able to live on my own unless I did. The only other option was to take out loans, only to find myself in massive amounts of debt by the time I graduated. She told me she didn’t feel safe sometimes, since people were frequently knocking at my door. I did wonder how come she never gave me an ultimatum. She didn’t make me choose between her and the drugs, which I thought would happen. Instead, she just said she was unhappy. Our relationship only lasted another week before we split. There were no hard feelings between the two of us. The last thing we said before parting was that we loved each other. Since then, I haven’t seen or spoken to her.
I’ve thought about what could have been, like the life we could have shared, maybe even to today. If we were still together, we could have been married by now, with kids, maybe. I doubt we’d be living in a house in the suburbs, but I would still be working my way towards it. I don’t know, maybe it’s because she was the only girlfriend I had where, once we broke up, there we no hard feelings.
Afterwards, I continued to live the single life once again. One summer, I was looking for a job, just so I could get out, meet new people, and make some honest money for a change. Eventually, I got a job as a bartender at, of course, a bar. It wasn’t Jade’s Pub, even though I may have applied there. The place I ended up working at was a place called The Braxe. My first day wasn’t bad. I think it was a Wednesday. It was a pretty slow night. My co-workers taught me how to make mixed drinks, like cosmos and martinis. I had a pretty good time there, since most of the people I worked with were around my age and in school too. But it was when I came into work the next day that
That wasn’t the last time that kind of situation would happen to me either, but at least the second time was the last time. It was when I was twenty-three. We were always happy, but I had a lingering feeling that something was wrong. There was no passion in our sex anymore. All she wanted to do was get free highs. I didn’t walk in on her with another man, thank god, but I heard her on the phone talking to a nother guy who was obviously her alternate boyfriend. I don’t even think I was the real boyfriend in that relationship. I was only being used. Some of my other girlfriends were like my first one, claiming that there was just no spark anymore, or that they found someone else, or that they didn’t feel safe dating a drug dealer, or even that they didn’t want to be with someone who could get busted and go to prison at any given moment.
Maybe that was the case, which is why I’m being so careful with Karina. I need to quit the life so that she’ll never find out about it. If only I can keep it together. I don’t want her to become just another one of my past girlfriends, especially among the likes of those I’ve mentioned. However, I can’t reflect on all of them negatively, because there were some who I really wished our relationship would have worked out.
When I was in my first year of college, (note that I didn’t go to college directly out of high school) I met a girl in my psychology class. We dated for three months before we finally called it quits. I believed she was one of the only few girls who actually cared about me. The reason we broke up was because she felt I was taking the wrong path in life. She didn’t believe I needed to deal drugs to support myself. And to some extent, I agreed with her. She knew I didn’t use them regularly myself, which was one reason we lasted as long as we did. I tried to explain how I wouldn’t be able to live on my own unless I did. The only other option was to take out loans, only to find myself in massive amounts of debt by the time I graduated. She told me she didn’t feel safe sometimes, since people were frequently knocking at my door. I did wonder how come she never gave me an ultimatum. She didn’t make me choose between her and the drugs, which I thought would happen. Instead, she just said she was unhappy. Our relationship only lasted another week before we split. There were no hard feelings between the two of us. The last thing we said before parting was that we loved each other. Since then, I haven’t seen or spoken to her.
I’ve thought about what could have been, like the life we could have shared, maybe even to today. If we were still together, we could have been married by now, with kids, maybe. I doubt we’d be living in a house in the suburbs, but I would still be working my way towards it. I don’t know, maybe it’s because she was the only girlfriend I had where, once we broke up, there we no hard feelings.
Afterwards, I continued to live the single life once again. One summer, I was looking for a job, just so I could get out, meet new people, and make some honest money for a change. Eventually, I got a job as a bartender at, of course, a bar. It wasn’t Jade’s Pub, even though I may have applied there. The place I ended up working at was a place called The Braxe. My first day wasn’t bad. I think it was a Wednesday. It was a pretty slow night. My co-workers taught me how to make mixed drinks, like cosmos and martinis. I had a pretty good time there, since most of the people I worked with were around my age and in school too. But it was when I came into work the next day that
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