for word, waiting for anything.
I was hoping Ryan would get there before the doctors came out to speak to us, but it didn’t work out that way.
The same doctor as before walked out and I knew from the look on his face that the news wasn’t good. He looked at me first, then to Mom, and he frowned. “I’m sorry,” he started. “Your husband suffered a heart attack and with the blockage in the brain… We did everything we could.”
Mom’s hand went to her mouth and she started to cry, saying, “No, no, no,” over and over. The doctor offered quiet condolences and as he left, Mom surprised me and stood up. “I want to see him.”
The doctor looked at me, then back to the heartbroken woman in front of him. “Come with me,” he said quietly. They disappeared through the doors he’d just came through, and again, I was left not knowing what to do.
My father was gone.
Forever.
He was only sixty-seven.
I heard a familiar voice and turned to see Ryan come down the hall. He was almost running, and his mother was behind him. Sofia must have driven him here. “Dad?” Ryan asked. “How is he?”
I stood up and I was pretty sure I didn’t have to say. The look on my face must have said enough. I shook my head and said the hardest words I’d ever said to him. “He’s gone.”
Ryan’s whole body sagged. “He what?”
“Your grandfather’s gone,” I said again. “It was a massive stroke.”
Ryan shook his head, and looked disbelievingly from me to Sofia. His eyes welled with tears. “No.”
I put my arms around him and held him while he cried. I looked at Sofia, who had fresh tears running down her cheeks. “Thank you for bringing him,” I said softly. “Thank you.”
She put her hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay, Tom?”
“I’ll be fine,” I answered, nodding weakly. I had to be fine. I needed to be strong. My mother and my son needed me and I had to be the strong one. I pulled back from Ryan and let him wipe his eyes with the back of his hands.
“Mom’s just gone with the doctor,” I told them, as we sat down in the waiting room chairs. “She wanted to see him before…she wanted to see him.”
Ryan nodded. “Where’s Cooper?”
“He’s in Philadelphia,” I told him in a whisper. “He left this morning for the green energy convention he’s been working on.”
Ryan wiped at his nose and nodded. “That’s right. I forgot.” Then he said, “What do we do now? With Grandpa? And Grandma? What happens?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’ll see what Mom wants to do. I might suggest she comes home with me, but knowing her she’ll want to go home.”
“If you need me to do anything,” Sofia said softly. “Please, just ask.”
I gave her a nod. Sofia always loved my parents, and they loved her, so it really wasn’t surprising that she’d offered to help. It wasn’t surprising that she was here. She would take the loss of my father similar to the loss of her own.
My mom walked through the door, strangely composed though she looked like she’d aged a decade.
Ryan, Sofia and I all stood to meet her, and it was Ryan who was the first to hug her, then Sofia and then me. I knew my mom would probably just like to go home, but I didn’t want her to be alone. “Mom,” I said gently. “How about you stay with me tonight? You can have Ryan’s room. I don’t think you should be alone tonight.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and all she did was nod. She didn’t want to leave Dad, she didn’t want to go home without him. I understood that, and I was helpless to do anything about it.
I put my arm around her and led her out to my car. The drive to the city, to my place was quiet, the both of us lost in our own thoughts. Through all of this, with my grieving mother in the seat next to me, all I could think about was Cooper.
I needed him.
I felt selfish for wanting him. I wanted to call him, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to hear his voice. I just needed
I was hoping Ryan would get there before the doctors came out to speak to us, but it didn’t work out that way.
The same doctor as before walked out and I knew from the look on his face that the news wasn’t good. He looked at me first, then to Mom, and he frowned. “I’m sorry,” he started. “Your husband suffered a heart attack and with the blockage in the brain… We did everything we could.”
Mom’s hand went to her mouth and she started to cry, saying, “No, no, no,” over and over. The doctor offered quiet condolences and as he left, Mom surprised me and stood up. “I want to see him.”
The doctor looked at me, then back to the heartbroken woman in front of him. “Come with me,” he said quietly. They disappeared through the doors he’d just came through, and again, I was left not knowing what to do.
My father was gone.
Forever.
He was only sixty-seven.
I heard a familiar voice and turned to see Ryan come down the hall. He was almost running, and his mother was behind him. Sofia must have driven him here. “Dad?” Ryan asked. “How is he?”
I stood up and I was pretty sure I didn’t have to say. The look on my face must have said enough. I shook my head and said the hardest words I’d ever said to him. “He’s gone.”
Ryan’s whole body sagged. “He what?”
“Your grandfather’s gone,” I said again. “It was a massive stroke.”
Ryan shook his head, and looked disbelievingly from me to Sofia. His eyes welled with tears. “No.”
I put my arms around him and held him while he cried. I looked at Sofia, who had fresh tears running down her cheeks. “Thank you for bringing him,” I said softly. “Thank you.”
She put her hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay, Tom?”
“I’ll be fine,” I answered, nodding weakly. I had to be fine. I needed to be strong. My mother and my son needed me and I had to be the strong one. I pulled back from Ryan and let him wipe his eyes with the back of his hands.
“Mom’s just gone with the doctor,” I told them, as we sat down in the waiting room chairs. “She wanted to see him before…she wanted to see him.”
Ryan nodded. “Where’s Cooper?”
“He’s in Philadelphia,” I told him in a whisper. “He left this morning for the green energy convention he’s been working on.”
Ryan wiped at his nose and nodded. “That’s right. I forgot.” Then he said, “What do we do now? With Grandpa? And Grandma? What happens?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’ll see what Mom wants to do. I might suggest she comes home with me, but knowing her she’ll want to go home.”
“If you need me to do anything,” Sofia said softly. “Please, just ask.”
I gave her a nod. Sofia always loved my parents, and they loved her, so it really wasn’t surprising that she’d offered to help. It wasn’t surprising that she was here. She would take the loss of my father similar to the loss of her own.
My mom walked through the door, strangely composed though she looked like she’d aged a decade.
Ryan, Sofia and I all stood to meet her, and it was Ryan who was the first to hug her, then Sofia and then me. I knew my mom would probably just like to go home, but I didn’t want her to be alone. “Mom,” I said gently. “How about you stay with me tonight? You can have Ryan’s room. I don’t think you should be alone tonight.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and all she did was nod. She didn’t want to leave Dad, she didn’t want to go home without him. I understood that, and I was helpless to do anything about it.
I put my arm around her and led her out to my car. The drive to the city, to my place was quiet, the both of us lost in our own thoughts. Through all of this, with my grieving mother in the seat next to me, all I could think about was Cooper.
I needed him.
I felt selfish for wanting him. I wanted to call him, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to hear his voice. I just needed
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