Circling Carousels by Ashlee North Page A

both of them, they decided they had no choice but to take action to put this incident as far away from them as they could.
    Sienna helped Marcus carry her mother down the stairs. She sobbed great tears of something so lost, something that should never have happened, and the woman who had given her all so that she and her sister might have a chance at a better life. Carefully, they placed her stiffened body into the backseat of the car and covered her with a blanket. From the house, they took all the back streets, which Marcus knew, into the main part of the city. In an alley, one distraught teenage daughter and one disturbed and saddened man took Candice’s body from the car and placed her ever so gently on the ground, so it looked as though she had simply died there. Marcus had brought some of the heroin with him and the tools to take it so it would seem she had overdosed there in the deserted alley among the rubbish and the grime.
    Sienna was sick with the images of her once gorgeous mother now reduced to a junkie in an alley with the evidence of her habit there for anyone to see. Where was the respect and the honour in this, she wondered, but in reality she knew there was little choice. Candice would have no records, no past to follow up on, and the police would probably consider her a Jane Doe, a lady of the night in a desperately drug-addled mess.
    It was so very hard to leave her there. Sienna was completely beside herself and unable to put the last picture she had of her mother out of her mind. She felt disgusted by the substances that destroyed her, angry at what she had become at the hands of these things, and caught in misery over a life cut so short and lived in such a sad way. Candice Carmody was only twenty-nine years old. There would never be a funeral for her daughters to go to, and there would never be any closure, just a whole lot of nothingness. That night, Marcus held Sienna until she finally slept and there were no more tears, only regret and miserable black emptiness.
    In the morning, Sienna was met with the news from Marcus that he had made contact with Bonnie at the big house and that she would break the terrible news to Crystal of her mother’s death. Bonnie was struck with the awful irony of Candice’s short life, apparently, and was deeply saddened. In reality, Marcus had never called. That evening, after spending the day curled in a ball in bed, Sienna was told by Marcus that Crystal didn’t want to come home, that she wanted to stay with the aunties because she hated Marcus for what he had let happen to her mother. Crystal would need to be alone, Marcus told her, for a while before she would want to see anyone, including Sienna.
    Somewhere deep inside her, warning bells should have sounded. She should have realized this couldn’t be true. Crystal would want to be with her at this time. But she trusted Marcus and was fooled yet again by the mock sincerity she saw in his eyes. She wanted to believe him, so she did.
    Dear Diary, my mum has died. I’m so sad, I can hardly write and there are big wet patches on the page from my tears dripping down. I so need Crystal right now! Marcus says she doesn’t want to see anyone, but I don’t understand why she wouldn’t want to see me! I want to tell her what happened. I want to explain to her why we had to leave her where we did in the alley. If she doesn’t understand, she might hate me for letting Marcus do it. I love him and I know he must have been right to leave her there, but it felt so awful. She looked so broken, and I want her back the way it used to be so much!
    I don’t know why, but I felt like Marcus was pleased she was gone. I’m sure I saw him smile. I feel weird about him and I just want to die, too. Let me lay down with her and die and feel better, please.
    But Marcus is so good to me. He holds me close when I cry, and I need him so much. Why is it that love is so good, but sometimes seems so bad, too?
    Mummy, I miss you, I will