of it away if there’s not room for the tree.”
Fallon laughed. Well, the child was enthusiastic about something. And the way his eyes sparkled…he was James. Easy to love. “I think we’ll manage without throwing away my furniture,” she said. “And, Tyler, we’re going to have to buy new decorations. I’ve always had a little tree and I don’t have enough to decorate a big tree. So, will you be in charge of picking out the decorations?”
He hesitated for a moment, didn’t respond as eagerly as she’d expected. Then he reverted back to his usual behavior. He shrugged, and totally zoned out of all the Christmas decorations strung up everywhere as they continued their walk to Catie’s. The reaction of a child who’d built up hopes before then had them destroyed.
It was a delicate balance and she and James were going to have to be careful because, now that she’d started Christmas for Tyler, she didn’t want to ruin it for him, too.
Pulling her scarf up tighter around her face to fight off the chilly air whipping around her, Fallon dropped back and walked behind James and Tyler, and twice, when James glanced over his shoulder at her, she feigned fascination with something in a shop window. Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten involved. Because she was becoming almost as excited about Christmas as Tyler had been for a little while, and that wasn’t good. She was used to living without the hopes and promises now, and here shewas, building a few around something she couldn’t have. And she really did want a Christmas tree…a big one. With lots of lights.
“He went right to sleep,” James said, dropping down onto the couch next to Fallon, keeping his proper distance from her, of course. “I sat with him about five minutes, thought he might ask some questions about why he was going to keep on living with me for a little while, or maybe talk about the Christmas tree, but he just turned over on his side and went to sleep. It was a big day for him. I think we actually wore him out.”
“He’s had a turbulent life so far. He copes by acting out or by not acting at all. Probably the only two reactions in his young repertoire. And as far as the Christmas tree goes, I have an idea he’s learned not to count on anything. If you don’t count on it, you don’t end up being disappointed.” She raised her mug of hot chocolate to her lips, but paused before she took a sip. “It’s not a mistake, is it, giving him this big Christmas?”
He laughed. “Giving a child a big Christmas? I think it’s absolutely the best thing we can do for him. Tyler needs something to look forward to in his life. I don’t think he’s ever really had that.”
“You, too,” she added. “You need something to look forward to.”
“And what about you? What do you need, Fallon?”
“Nothing. I never had good Christmases when I was growing up, and I don’t need them now.”
“I’m not talking about Christmas, specifically. What do you need in life, Fallon? There was a time I thought I knew, but maybe I was wrong. I mean, we talked about having a large family. You wanted a big house for all those children we were going to have. You didn’t want to quitwork because you were totally devoted to the idea that a woman is capable of doing everything she wants. But now I don’t know if that’s what you need in your life, and I want to know. It bothers me that I don’t. Or that I might have been wrong all along.”
She bristled. “This isn’t about me. I invited you to live here because it was supposed to be about Tyler. Only Tyler . And I don’t want you to make this about something it’s not.”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Whoa, there. You really do have a way about turning a nice, innocent conversation into something adversarial, don’t you?”
“It wasn’t innocent, James. When you made it about me, it was anything but innocent. You know you were trying to manipulate me, trying to take advantage of the
Fallon laughed. Well, the child was enthusiastic about something. And the way his eyes sparkled…he was James. Easy to love. “I think we’ll manage without throwing away my furniture,” she said. “And, Tyler, we’re going to have to buy new decorations. I’ve always had a little tree and I don’t have enough to decorate a big tree. So, will you be in charge of picking out the decorations?”
He hesitated for a moment, didn’t respond as eagerly as she’d expected. Then he reverted back to his usual behavior. He shrugged, and totally zoned out of all the Christmas decorations strung up everywhere as they continued their walk to Catie’s. The reaction of a child who’d built up hopes before then had them destroyed.
It was a delicate balance and she and James were going to have to be careful because, now that she’d started Christmas for Tyler, she didn’t want to ruin it for him, too.
Pulling her scarf up tighter around her face to fight off the chilly air whipping around her, Fallon dropped back and walked behind James and Tyler, and twice, when James glanced over his shoulder at her, she feigned fascination with something in a shop window. Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten involved. Because she was becoming almost as excited about Christmas as Tyler had been for a little while, and that wasn’t good. She was used to living without the hopes and promises now, and here shewas, building a few around something she couldn’t have. And she really did want a Christmas tree…a big one. With lots of lights.
“He went right to sleep,” James said, dropping down onto the couch next to Fallon, keeping his proper distance from her, of course. “I sat with him about five minutes, thought he might ask some questions about why he was going to keep on living with me for a little while, or maybe talk about the Christmas tree, but he just turned over on his side and went to sleep. It was a big day for him. I think we actually wore him out.”
“He’s had a turbulent life so far. He copes by acting out or by not acting at all. Probably the only two reactions in his young repertoire. And as far as the Christmas tree goes, I have an idea he’s learned not to count on anything. If you don’t count on it, you don’t end up being disappointed.” She raised her mug of hot chocolate to her lips, but paused before she took a sip. “It’s not a mistake, is it, giving him this big Christmas?”
He laughed. “Giving a child a big Christmas? I think it’s absolutely the best thing we can do for him. Tyler needs something to look forward to in his life. I don’t think he’s ever really had that.”
“You, too,” she added. “You need something to look forward to.”
“And what about you? What do you need, Fallon?”
“Nothing. I never had good Christmases when I was growing up, and I don’t need them now.”
“I’m not talking about Christmas, specifically. What do you need in life, Fallon? There was a time I thought I knew, but maybe I was wrong. I mean, we talked about having a large family. You wanted a big house for all those children we were going to have. You didn’t want to quitwork because you were totally devoted to the idea that a woman is capable of doing everything she wants. But now I don’t know if that’s what you need in your life, and I want to know. It bothers me that I don’t. Or that I might have been wrong all along.”
She bristled. “This isn’t about me. I invited you to live here because it was supposed to be about Tyler. Only Tyler . And I don’t want you to make this about something it’s not.”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Whoa, there. You really do have a way about turning a nice, innocent conversation into something adversarial, don’t you?”
“It wasn’t innocent, James. When you made it about me, it was anything but innocent. You know you were trying to manipulate me, trying to take advantage of the
Similar Books
