slipped out the back door. At the second eight-foot grill, Omar stood without his coat on, basting chicken in barbecue sauce. It seemed a little coolnot to have on a jacket. She moved in his direction, and the crowd of young people filling her yard seemed to fade away.
As if a match had been struck at midnight, she understood a dozen things about herself. She wasn’t worthy to become the wife of a bishop. She’d been meddlesome and used trickery to cover her deceit.
When Omar’s eyes met hers, her composure broke. Tears ran down her cheeks.
He moved to her.
“Was iss letz?”
The concern in his eyes as he asked what was wrong magnified her emotions. She shouldn’t be here, not if they meant to keep their relationship quiet. They’d agreed not to tell anyone until the time was right. Although they weren’t sure when that would be, they knew they’d know when it arrived—like knowing a hayfield was ready or the corn was ripe. Now she wondered if that time would ever come, because it seemed that Omar should be free of someone as foolish as she was.
He turned to Stephen. “Can you watch this grill? I’ll be back in just a few minutes.”
“Ya.”
He placed his hand under her forearm and guided her toward the carriage barn. “Kumm.” He opened the wooden door, and they stepped inside.
She paced back and forth in front of him. “I saw it, Omar. I saw the reason I meddled in Beth’s life. Why I lied to Jonah about who he was writing to. Even why I do these get-togethers year after year. And it scares me.”
“What did you see?”
“I thought it was because of what Beth needed. But that’s not it.”Her ego lunged forward, urging her not to say more, but she would. “I don’t want
anyone
spending their life alone, not if they don’t have to. All this time I thought I’d accepted God’s providence in the way my life went. I even thought I liked it. But now I discover …”
Omar stood in front of her, blocking her pacing. “That you’ve been lonelier than you knew?”
She nodded. “Beth was the best thing to ever happen to me. She filled my days like a daughter, and I wanted to prevent her from making wrong decisions.”
“All parents have to learn that a child’s path must be his or hers to choose, not Mamm’s or Daed’s to manipulate.”
“But what if my life has influenced hers too much? She attached herself to me before she was school age, and even before Henry I was afraid she’d want to follow my lead and live as a single businesswoman.”
Omar stepped closer. “I don’t think Beth’s struggles are because of who you are. I think she’s strong enough to get past what’s ailing her, with or without your”—he mockingly cleared his throat—“help.”
The longer she stood there, the more she knew that Omar deserved someone better. “What am I going to do if Beth gets hurt and it’s my fault? Or if she’s so angry she won’t even talk to me?”
He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Beth’s a hard one to figure out, but she loves you.”
She lowered her head. “That’s not the only reason I’m upset.”
He placed his warm fingers under her chin and tilted her face upward. “What else weighs on you?”
Fresh tears broke free. “I’m not worthy to be the wife of a bishop.”
“And I’m not worthy to be a bishop, but judging by how Godreplied to Moses when he said something similar, I don’t think He wants us wasting time moaning about it.”
“You need someone better, Omar.”
“And there will be times after we’re married when you’ll think the same thing—that you need someone better than me. I assure you of that.”
“Are you hearing me?”
“I am. You’re burdened with guilt over your dishonesty with Beth and Jonah. And because of that, you’re tempted to ruin all my future happiness.”
He placed his hands in hers, making her distress melt into a pool of warm security.
“I love you, Lizzy Hertzler. And I’m glad you’re not perfect,
As if a match had been struck at midnight, she understood a dozen things about herself. She wasn’t worthy to become the wife of a bishop. She’d been meddlesome and used trickery to cover her deceit.
When Omar’s eyes met hers, her composure broke. Tears ran down her cheeks.
He moved to her.
“Was iss letz?”
The concern in his eyes as he asked what was wrong magnified her emotions. She shouldn’t be here, not if they meant to keep their relationship quiet. They’d agreed not to tell anyone until the time was right. Although they weren’t sure when that would be, they knew they’d know when it arrived—like knowing a hayfield was ready or the corn was ripe. Now she wondered if that time would ever come, because it seemed that Omar should be free of someone as foolish as she was.
He turned to Stephen. “Can you watch this grill? I’ll be back in just a few minutes.”
“Ya.”
He placed his hand under her forearm and guided her toward the carriage barn. “Kumm.” He opened the wooden door, and they stepped inside.
She paced back and forth in front of him. “I saw it, Omar. I saw the reason I meddled in Beth’s life. Why I lied to Jonah about who he was writing to. Even why I do these get-togethers year after year. And it scares me.”
“What did you see?”
“I thought it was because of what Beth needed. But that’s not it.”Her ego lunged forward, urging her not to say more, but she would. “I don’t want
anyone
spending their life alone, not if they don’t have to. All this time I thought I’d accepted God’s providence in the way my life went. I even thought I liked it. But now I discover …”
Omar stood in front of her, blocking her pacing. “That you’ve been lonelier than you knew?”
She nodded. “Beth was the best thing to ever happen to me. She filled my days like a daughter, and I wanted to prevent her from making wrong decisions.”
“All parents have to learn that a child’s path must be his or hers to choose, not Mamm’s or Daed’s to manipulate.”
“But what if my life has influenced hers too much? She attached herself to me before she was school age, and even before Henry I was afraid she’d want to follow my lead and live as a single businesswoman.”
Omar stepped closer. “I don’t think Beth’s struggles are because of who you are. I think she’s strong enough to get past what’s ailing her, with or without your”—he mockingly cleared his throat—“help.”
The longer she stood there, the more she knew that Omar deserved someone better. “What am I going to do if Beth gets hurt and it’s my fault? Or if she’s so angry she won’t even talk to me?”
He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Beth’s a hard one to figure out, but she loves you.”
She lowered her head. “That’s not the only reason I’m upset.”
He placed his warm fingers under her chin and tilted her face upward. “What else weighs on you?”
Fresh tears broke free. “I’m not worthy to be the wife of a bishop.”
“And I’m not worthy to be a bishop, but judging by how Godreplied to Moses when he said something similar, I don’t think He wants us wasting time moaning about it.”
“You need someone better, Omar.”
“And there will be times after we’re married when you’ll think the same thing—that you need someone better than me. I assure you of that.”
“Are you hearing me?”
“I am. You’re burdened with guilt over your dishonesty with Beth and Jonah. And because of that, you’re tempted to ruin all my future happiness.”
He placed his hands in hers, making her distress melt into a pool of warm security.
“I love you, Lizzy Hertzler. And I’m glad you’re not perfect,
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