hours were filled with Lucas, her heart, her anchor and her greatest joy.
‘I have a son,’ she blurted, a little louder and more bluntly than she intended, but there it was, out in the open.
‘You do?’ His eyes widened.
Meg nodded, unable to tell from his tone if he was shocked, disapproving or not that fussed.
‘How old?’ He tilted his head as though interested.
‘He’s four. He’s called Lucas.’
‘Lucas,’ Edd repeated. He sipped his coffee, keeping his eyes on Meg’s face. ‘Where is Lucas’s dad?’
‘His dad was Bill, my fiancé who died.’ Meg wriggled further into the sofa.
Edd lowered his cup. ‘Oh right! Sorry, Megan. That’s unimaginable. You must be a very strong woman to have coped.’
‘I don’t think I’m strong. Life has always just kind of happened to me without too much planning. My childhood wasn’t always easy and I learnt not to think much beyond the next day. And then I met Bill. And everything changed.’ She sighed. ‘Like seahorses, I didn’t know that someone like him could exist. He was Captain William Fellsley, an army officer who didn’t speak or act like anyone I’d ever known. He was smart and ambitious, but the most remarkable thing about Bill was that he loved me. Me! Of all the posh girls he could have picked, he chose me. I figured that if someone like that had picked me, then I must be valuable and special and once I realised that, I began living in the real world and not just existing with my nose pressed up against it.’
‘He sounds like a good guy. Losing him must have been awful.’ Edd raised his hand and let it fall at the understatement.
Meg nodded. ‘It was awful, but not for the reasons you might think. I found out some stuff after he’d gone that changed things.’ Meg toyed with the hem of the Yankees shirt. ‘He was seeing someone else, stringing us both along and, well, who knows what would have happened had he lived.’
Edd reached out and placed his hand on her thigh. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that, Megan. All of it.’
‘No one calls me Megan any more. It’s Meg. If someone calls me Megan, I always think I’m in trouble or am being asked to fill out a form.’
‘Meg,’ he repeated.
‘Bill, that’s Lucas’s dad, had a friend called Piers. I saw him for a while. Couple of years actually.’ She pictured his kindly face. ‘He was lovely in some ways, but not for me. A bit too proper, always worried about what other people might think and a bit too connected to Bill for me to ever feel comfortable. He’s old before his time—’ She bit her lip. ‘That sounds mean and I don’t want it to.’
‘Old how?’ Edd chuckled. ‘Did he talk about the old days and smoke a pipe?’
‘No!’ She laughed. ‘But he did wear an old Barbour that might have belonged to his grandpa.’
‘Ah. Not a young man of fashion like my good self.’ He grinned.
Meg shook her head and thought about Piers’ frequent mentions of Bill and their mutual friends, their shared experiences. How he would continually ask, ‘How are you doing?’, assuming a doleful expression as he did so.
‘He made it hard for me to move on. So I moved on from him instead. I think I used him as a bit of a safety blanket, if I’m being honest. It was more like a habit, without any real emotion.’ She paused. ‘I’m not proud of that.’ This was the first time she had said this out loud to anyone other than Milly. ‘And I only admitted to myself quite recently that he wanted me to be someone that I wasn’t.’
‘Well, hey, we all know that story.’ Edd ran his fingers through his hair and stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossing his feet at the ankles. He rested his mug on his chest. ‘It’s the same for me, with Flavia. We met through a mutual friend and on paper she was brilliant. She’s a great girl, but there was no spark that makes you…’ Edd hesitated. ‘I don’t know how you describe it.’
‘She didn’t
‘I have a son,’ she blurted, a little louder and more bluntly than she intended, but there it was, out in the open.
‘You do?’ His eyes widened.
Meg nodded, unable to tell from his tone if he was shocked, disapproving or not that fussed.
‘How old?’ He tilted his head as though interested.
‘He’s four. He’s called Lucas.’
‘Lucas,’ Edd repeated. He sipped his coffee, keeping his eyes on Meg’s face. ‘Where is Lucas’s dad?’
‘His dad was Bill, my fiancé who died.’ Meg wriggled further into the sofa.
Edd lowered his cup. ‘Oh right! Sorry, Megan. That’s unimaginable. You must be a very strong woman to have coped.’
‘I don’t think I’m strong. Life has always just kind of happened to me without too much planning. My childhood wasn’t always easy and I learnt not to think much beyond the next day. And then I met Bill. And everything changed.’ She sighed. ‘Like seahorses, I didn’t know that someone like him could exist. He was Captain William Fellsley, an army officer who didn’t speak or act like anyone I’d ever known. He was smart and ambitious, but the most remarkable thing about Bill was that he loved me. Me! Of all the posh girls he could have picked, he chose me. I figured that if someone like that had picked me, then I must be valuable and special and once I realised that, I began living in the real world and not just existing with my nose pressed up against it.’
‘He sounds like a good guy. Losing him must have been awful.’ Edd raised his hand and let it fall at the understatement.
Meg nodded. ‘It was awful, but not for the reasons you might think. I found out some stuff after he’d gone that changed things.’ Meg toyed with the hem of the Yankees shirt. ‘He was seeing someone else, stringing us both along and, well, who knows what would have happened had he lived.’
Edd reached out and placed his hand on her thigh. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that, Megan. All of it.’
‘No one calls me Megan any more. It’s Meg. If someone calls me Megan, I always think I’m in trouble or am being asked to fill out a form.’
‘Meg,’ he repeated.
‘Bill, that’s Lucas’s dad, had a friend called Piers. I saw him for a while. Couple of years actually.’ She pictured his kindly face. ‘He was lovely in some ways, but not for me. A bit too proper, always worried about what other people might think and a bit too connected to Bill for me to ever feel comfortable. He’s old before his time—’ She bit her lip. ‘That sounds mean and I don’t want it to.’
‘Old how?’ Edd chuckled. ‘Did he talk about the old days and smoke a pipe?’
‘No!’ She laughed. ‘But he did wear an old Barbour that might have belonged to his grandpa.’
‘Ah. Not a young man of fashion like my good self.’ He grinned.
Meg shook her head and thought about Piers’ frequent mentions of Bill and their mutual friends, their shared experiences. How he would continually ask, ‘How are you doing?’, assuming a doleful expression as he did so.
‘He made it hard for me to move on. So I moved on from him instead. I think I used him as a bit of a safety blanket, if I’m being honest. It was more like a habit, without any real emotion.’ She paused. ‘I’m not proud of that.’ This was the first time she had said this out loud to anyone other than Milly. ‘And I only admitted to myself quite recently that he wanted me to be someone that I wasn’t.’
‘Well, hey, we all know that story.’ Edd ran his fingers through his hair and stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossing his feet at the ankles. He rested his mug on his chest. ‘It’s the same for me, with Flavia. We met through a mutual friend and on paper she was brilliant. She’s a great girl, but there was no spark that makes you…’ Edd hesitated. ‘I don’t know how you describe it.’
‘She didn’t
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