about it.”
“Don’t judge something you don’t understand.”
“I’m not judging. I’m waiting for your explanation.” I don’t want to get irritable and cause her to get defensive, but damn, she can’t really be that daft.
“Okay. Do you know anything about alternative lifestyles?”
“Alternative like what? Goth?”
She shakes her head at that suggestion.
“Then I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
“Swingers, BDSM, polyamory, things like that.” Her hesitation to meet my stare tells me she’s one or all of those things. My mind flashes back to the image on her Facebook page from so long ago, the one that took me by surprise.
“No, I don’t know anything about anything other than monogamy.” That might have come off a little self-righteous although I didn’t intend for it to.
“Don’t think you’re better than I am because I don’t do things the way you do, Bastian.” Apparently it did.
“I’m sorry, you’re right, that was unfair. No, I don’t know anything about those types of lifestyles. Do you?” Attempting to change my tone to invite her to open up is more difficult than I anticipated it’d be. Now I sound condescending, for fuck’s sake. This is going to get me nowhere with her.
Sighing, she moves forward anyhow. “I never found fulfillment in traditional relationships, Bastian. I tried dating men, but there was always something lacking. I was continuously searching for something that was never going to be found inside a normal relationship dynamic, but I couldn’t identify what it was I needed. Early in college, I dated this guy, Jimmy, who was heavily involved in the swingers’ lifestyle. I knew nothing about it other than I thought it was a bunch of people having orgies. I was so very wrong.
“I made some amazing friends, whom I happened to fuck along the way.” She tries to soften her flippant tone with a wink, but I’ll admit I’m intrigued. “The great thing was, Jimmy was completely open to me being with other men as long as he was aware and present. Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me for him to engage in sexual acts with other women, because at the end of the day, we were still a couple. Sometimes we invited other people into our bedroom, sometimes we went to theirs, and occasionally, there was a party, but for the most part, we hung out with other couples, and the sex was truly secondary to the relationships. That experience didn’t define what I needed, but it did spell out pretty clearly that missionary sexual experiences were never going to be enough. It also let me in on a huge secret I wasn’t aware of: I don’t believe people were designed to love just one person.”
“I’m not sure what any of this has to do with how you’re getting nasty bruises all over your body, Sera. I’m not trying to rush your story. I just want to make sure we’re on the same path here.” I struggle to restrain the anger brewing inside me from assumptions and unanswered questions.
“I’m getting there, I promise.” She runs her fingers through her hair before continuing. “After Jimmy and I called it quits, I remained friends with several of the people we’d met. One of them was a guy named Mark. Mark and his girlfriend broke up close to the same time Jimmy and I did. We found kindred spirits in each other. Mark began to open up to me about the way he lived, which was much greater than just swinging. Mark took me to a club with him. The first time, we just went to observe with the intention of going back another time to play. Of course, I had no clue what any of that meant until we walked through the door and I actually saw what type of club he took me to. At that point in my life, I’d never even heard of the things taking place inside those walls—I was clueless as to what I had agreed to. Anyway, as we observed that night, I found myself drawn to the men and women serving, submitting, meeting the needs of others while having their needs
“Don’t judge something you don’t understand.”
“I’m not judging. I’m waiting for your explanation.” I don’t want to get irritable and cause her to get defensive, but damn, she can’t really be that daft.
“Okay. Do you know anything about alternative lifestyles?”
“Alternative like what? Goth?”
She shakes her head at that suggestion.
“Then I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
“Swingers, BDSM, polyamory, things like that.” Her hesitation to meet my stare tells me she’s one or all of those things. My mind flashes back to the image on her Facebook page from so long ago, the one that took me by surprise.
“No, I don’t know anything about anything other than monogamy.” That might have come off a little self-righteous although I didn’t intend for it to.
“Don’t think you’re better than I am because I don’t do things the way you do, Bastian.” Apparently it did.
“I’m sorry, you’re right, that was unfair. No, I don’t know anything about those types of lifestyles. Do you?” Attempting to change my tone to invite her to open up is more difficult than I anticipated it’d be. Now I sound condescending, for fuck’s sake. This is going to get me nowhere with her.
Sighing, she moves forward anyhow. “I never found fulfillment in traditional relationships, Bastian. I tried dating men, but there was always something lacking. I was continuously searching for something that was never going to be found inside a normal relationship dynamic, but I couldn’t identify what it was I needed. Early in college, I dated this guy, Jimmy, who was heavily involved in the swingers’ lifestyle. I knew nothing about it other than I thought it was a bunch of people having orgies. I was so very wrong.
“I made some amazing friends, whom I happened to fuck along the way.” She tries to soften her flippant tone with a wink, but I’ll admit I’m intrigued. “The great thing was, Jimmy was completely open to me being with other men as long as he was aware and present. Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me for him to engage in sexual acts with other women, because at the end of the day, we were still a couple. Sometimes we invited other people into our bedroom, sometimes we went to theirs, and occasionally, there was a party, but for the most part, we hung out with other couples, and the sex was truly secondary to the relationships. That experience didn’t define what I needed, but it did spell out pretty clearly that missionary sexual experiences were never going to be enough. It also let me in on a huge secret I wasn’t aware of: I don’t believe people were designed to love just one person.”
“I’m not sure what any of this has to do with how you’re getting nasty bruises all over your body, Sera. I’m not trying to rush your story. I just want to make sure we’re on the same path here.” I struggle to restrain the anger brewing inside me from assumptions and unanswered questions.
“I’m getting there, I promise.” She runs her fingers through her hair before continuing. “After Jimmy and I called it quits, I remained friends with several of the people we’d met. One of them was a guy named Mark. Mark and his girlfriend broke up close to the same time Jimmy and I did. We found kindred spirits in each other. Mark began to open up to me about the way he lived, which was much greater than just swinging. Mark took me to a club with him. The first time, we just went to observe with the intention of going back another time to play. Of course, I had no clue what any of that meant until we walked through the door and I actually saw what type of club he took me to. At that point in my life, I’d never even heard of the things taking place inside those walls—I was clueless as to what I had agreed to. Anyway, as we observed that night, I found myself drawn to the men and women serving, submitting, meeting the needs of others while having their needs
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