forehead once more as I closed my eyes , slightly shaking as he breathed me in before whispering, “Take care, my love.”
His muscular arms then wrapped around me, giving me a deathlike embrace, blocking the air from my lungs. When he released me, I trembled from it all, knowing that he had just walked away from me. What he had just done, crucially hugging the life out of me then freeing me from his hold, portrayed what it had been like between the two of us for the past year. Him, desperately wanting to hold on to what was left of us, and me, aggressively and insensitively driving him further and further away.
He was gone…
Three. Five. Maybe ten minutes had passed, possibly more, as I carried on crying with my eyes closed. I didn’t want to open them. I didn’t want to see the reality of what I had done. I had known this day was going to come, but as much as I had prepared myself for this very moment, I had doubted if anyone could ever be ready for the crushing feeling, knowing that life was never going to be the same again.
Everything was going to change…
I was sure I was going to remain the same, though—silently loving him from a distance.
Chapter 12
Toby
Ultra sound appointment on Monday. Ten a.m. Be here. We need to talk.
I stared at the message for a couple more seconds until I could comprehend what it meant. The baby was about six months in and in three months time, she would make her debut to the world. I supposed I was flying out to Spain tomorrow, and I also had to figure out how to discuss things with Amelia after the baby was born.
The baby. I had always referred to her as the baby or it . I couldn’t, for the life of me, acknowledge it as my baby or my baby girl because I didn’t want to get attached and have it all taken away from me by DNA testing.
It was a horrid thought to have of a woman, but this was Amelia after all. Had it been some other woman who didn’t have the uncanny ability to lie like it was part of their nature, I wouldn’t even doubt that it was my child for a second. And of course, had it been Lucy’s, things would surely be different.
Lucy…
God. Thinking about her had destroyed me a thousand times over after just that last thought.
Walking away from her as she stood with her eyes closed, silently weeping, had taken every ounce in me . Had that really been only an hour ago that each step had felt like shackles had been strapped around my ankles? Each step that had brought me further away from her had caused the fire within my heart to dim.
Everything had been pulverized to dust. What she and I used to stand for, the future we’d once discussed in the wee hours of the morning after an intense lovemaking with our limbs intertwined, our lips never apart and our hearts beating as one—it was all gone.
The one. My only . Lucy…
H ow could I fathom going on living life if nothing was left to live for?
Lucy was my absolute. My ultimate. My unconditional love. The driving force behind my survival. The sole reason underneath my actions. The entirety of my heart. My fundamental supplement in life…
And now it was all for naught. We would be together nevermore.
Tonight, I hadn’t gone out thinking that I was going to let her go. True, she and I hadn’t been together for quite some time, however letting her go from the binds and constraints of my soul—my heart… The inkling hadn’t occurred.
One might ask why would I do that if my love for her was my everything? Well, it had taken just one look at her and seeing the reflection of myself in her eyes to make me pause; to ponder why there was tremendous unhappiness in those beautiful depths. Seeing that had made me feel like a selfish monster. It was me —the bastard—who had caused her profound grief, fracturing the only person I would give my life for.
The only redeemable thing I could do was to free her before she got destroyed by my greed.
This selflessness had been fueled from my love of her. How much I
His muscular arms then wrapped around me, giving me a deathlike embrace, blocking the air from my lungs. When he released me, I trembled from it all, knowing that he had just walked away from me. What he had just done, crucially hugging the life out of me then freeing me from his hold, portrayed what it had been like between the two of us for the past year. Him, desperately wanting to hold on to what was left of us, and me, aggressively and insensitively driving him further and further away.
He was gone…
Three. Five. Maybe ten minutes had passed, possibly more, as I carried on crying with my eyes closed. I didn’t want to open them. I didn’t want to see the reality of what I had done. I had known this day was going to come, but as much as I had prepared myself for this very moment, I had doubted if anyone could ever be ready for the crushing feeling, knowing that life was never going to be the same again.
Everything was going to change…
I was sure I was going to remain the same, though—silently loving him from a distance.
Chapter 12
Toby
Ultra sound appointment on Monday. Ten a.m. Be here. We need to talk.
I stared at the message for a couple more seconds until I could comprehend what it meant. The baby was about six months in and in three months time, she would make her debut to the world. I supposed I was flying out to Spain tomorrow, and I also had to figure out how to discuss things with Amelia after the baby was born.
The baby. I had always referred to her as the baby or it . I couldn’t, for the life of me, acknowledge it as my baby or my baby girl because I didn’t want to get attached and have it all taken away from me by DNA testing.
It was a horrid thought to have of a woman, but this was Amelia after all. Had it been some other woman who didn’t have the uncanny ability to lie like it was part of their nature, I wouldn’t even doubt that it was my child for a second. And of course, had it been Lucy’s, things would surely be different.
Lucy…
God. Thinking about her had destroyed me a thousand times over after just that last thought.
Walking away from her as she stood with her eyes closed, silently weeping, had taken every ounce in me . Had that really been only an hour ago that each step had felt like shackles had been strapped around my ankles? Each step that had brought me further away from her had caused the fire within my heart to dim.
Everything had been pulverized to dust. What she and I used to stand for, the future we’d once discussed in the wee hours of the morning after an intense lovemaking with our limbs intertwined, our lips never apart and our hearts beating as one—it was all gone.
The one. My only . Lucy…
H ow could I fathom going on living life if nothing was left to live for?
Lucy was my absolute. My ultimate. My unconditional love. The driving force behind my survival. The sole reason underneath my actions. The entirety of my heart. My fundamental supplement in life…
And now it was all for naught. We would be together nevermore.
Tonight, I hadn’t gone out thinking that I was going to let her go. True, she and I hadn’t been together for quite some time, however letting her go from the binds and constraints of my soul—my heart… The inkling hadn’t occurred.
One might ask why would I do that if my love for her was my everything? Well, it had taken just one look at her and seeing the reflection of myself in her eyes to make me pause; to ponder why there was tremendous unhappiness in those beautiful depths. Seeing that had made me feel like a selfish monster. It was me —the bastard—who had caused her profound grief, fracturing the only person I would give my life for.
The only redeemable thing I could do was to free her before she got destroyed by my greed.
This selflessness had been fueled from my love of her. How much I
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