wasn’t a cuddly person. Slowly lifting my head, I turned it to the other side, expecting to find him lying next to me, maybe even sleeping with his hand reaching for me. Or perhaps he would be awake, having never slept because he was too enthralled with watching me sleep. He’d called me beautiful.
Still smiling, I forced my eyes open, ready to take in Chase’s sexiness. Only I wasn’t greeted by his moonlit blue eyes or his sleeping formnext to me. The sheets were twisted, evidence the lovemakinghadn’t been a dream, but there was no imprint of his head on the pillow, and when I ran a hand over the mattress, the spot was cold. Not only was Chase not there, he never had been, or at least he’d been gone for a while. Fisting the sheet, I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew exactly where he was. He wasn’t in the kitchen getting a drink or using the bathroom, or eveninhis office doingwork because he couldn’t sleep.
Chase was at Owen’s grave.
I didn’t have to wander down to the barn to find Admiral’s stall empty or his tack missing. I just knew where Chase had gone. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that just because the night had been perfect and magical to me, it had been anything more than a physical release Chase had denied himself since Owen’s death. Even without knowing him very well, I knew how he felt about his dead husband. I’d seen the love for a ghost and the mourningfor a soulmate everyday. Alove like theirs didn’t die because a body did. Owen would forever live in Chase’s heart, and that was something anyone in Chase’s life would have to accept, including me.
It hurt that he’d left me in his bed to sleep alone, that he couldn’t even remain in the house after fucking me. I’d given him my virginity, shared a part of me no other man would ever have, and I’d probably barely been asleep before he had bolted out ofbed. When I began to feel guilty, I forced myselfto remember he’d come to me on the porch, kissed me, and led me to his bedroom, to their bed. After laying me down and getting me to feel things I’d never thought possible, he’d entered me, taking his time and coaxing me through the pain with a caring voice. How could someone who had spoken to me that way just leave? I was confused. Everything I’d always imagined happening after giving myself to someone was missing, and yet, I felt foolish for ever having thought I would have anyofthose things witha manclearlystillinlove withanother.
Myheart, whichonlya few hours before had beenbeatingwithhope and love, emptied of everything but dread. The crush I’d developed for Chase had turned into something more long ago, and as I lay in his bed, his blanket still tangled around my legs, I felt the heartbreak that often followed your first love. Burying my face in his pillow, I inhaled his scent, one I now wore. It was masculine, earthy, and slightlymusky.
Moving onto my back, I clenched my eyes shut again, refusing to let the burgeoning tears fall. I would not allow myself to cry in his bed. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get out of his room. He obviously didn’t want me there, and I couldn’t have himreturn to see the emotionalmess he’d reduced me to. Sittingup, I dangled mylegs over the edge ofthe bed and stood. As soon as I took the first step, I felt soreness in my ass and stiffness in my muscles. Even if he wanted to forget what had happened, my body hadn’t. The aches were a reminder; they made it real. Moving around the dark room, I gathered up my clothes and paused in his doorway before leaving. Glancing around one last time, I took in everything from the gauzy curtains blowing in the open windows to the dark four-poster bed with messed linens and his scattered clothing on the floor. I wanted to commit it to memory, the place that would always mean so muchto me. At anypoint inmylife, I wanted to be able look back and remember everydetail.
Before the tears threatened again, I turned and left, walking
Still smiling, I forced my eyes open, ready to take in Chase’s sexiness. Only I wasn’t greeted by his moonlit blue eyes or his sleeping formnext to me. The sheets were twisted, evidence the lovemakinghadn’t been a dream, but there was no imprint of his head on the pillow, and when I ran a hand over the mattress, the spot was cold. Not only was Chase not there, he never had been, or at least he’d been gone for a while. Fisting the sheet, I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew exactly where he was. He wasn’t in the kitchen getting a drink or using the bathroom, or eveninhis office doingwork because he couldn’t sleep.
Chase was at Owen’s grave.
I didn’t have to wander down to the barn to find Admiral’s stall empty or his tack missing. I just knew where Chase had gone. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that just because the night had been perfect and magical to me, it had been anything more than a physical release Chase had denied himself since Owen’s death. Even without knowing him very well, I knew how he felt about his dead husband. I’d seen the love for a ghost and the mourningfor a soulmate everyday. Alove like theirs didn’t die because a body did. Owen would forever live in Chase’s heart, and that was something anyone in Chase’s life would have to accept, including me.
It hurt that he’d left me in his bed to sleep alone, that he couldn’t even remain in the house after fucking me. I’d given him my virginity, shared a part of me no other man would ever have, and I’d probably barely been asleep before he had bolted out ofbed. When I began to feel guilty, I forced myselfto remember he’d come to me on the porch, kissed me, and led me to his bedroom, to their bed. After laying me down and getting me to feel things I’d never thought possible, he’d entered me, taking his time and coaxing me through the pain with a caring voice. How could someone who had spoken to me that way just leave? I was confused. Everything I’d always imagined happening after giving myself to someone was missing, and yet, I felt foolish for ever having thought I would have anyofthose things witha manclearlystillinlove withanother.
Myheart, whichonlya few hours before had beenbeatingwithhope and love, emptied of everything but dread. The crush I’d developed for Chase had turned into something more long ago, and as I lay in his bed, his blanket still tangled around my legs, I felt the heartbreak that often followed your first love. Burying my face in his pillow, I inhaled his scent, one I now wore. It was masculine, earthy, and slightlymusky.
Moving onto my back, I clenched my eyes shut again, refusing to let the burgeoning tears fall. I would not allow myself to cry in his bed. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get out of his room. He obviously didn’t want me there, and I couldn’t have himreturn to see the emotionalmess he’d reduced me to. Sittingup, I dangled mylegs over the edge ofthe bed and stood. As soon as I took the first step, I felt soreness in my ass and stiffness in my muscles. Even if he wanted to forget what had happened, my body hadn’t. The aches were a reminder; they made it real. Moving around the dark room, I gathered up my clothes and paused in his doorway before leaving. Glancing around one last time, I took in everything from the gauzy curtains blowing in the open windows to the dark four-poster bed with messed linens and his scattered clothing on the floor. I wanted to commit it to memory, the place that would always mean so muchto me. At anypoint inmylife, I wanted to be able look back and remember everydetail.
Before the tears threatened again, I turned and left, walking
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