tick.
CHAPTER NINE
C HASE LAY ON his bed, his hair still wet from his shower, and stared at the cracked ceiling. He hoped everyone went ahead and started dinner—he and Dani had arrived back much later than they’d expected as it was. But he needed a few more minutes to deal with the overwhelming feelings that had unexpectedly swamped him after the birth of the baby that afternoon.
Damn it, he’d never wanted this. Never wanted to be susceptible to the same kind of pain he’d felt when his brother had died. Never wanted to feel vulnerable to his whole universe being crushed in an instant.
But when he’d brought that baby into the world, the moment had taken away his breath.
In his career he’d delivered more babies than he could possibly guess at. Had always appreciated the miracle of birth, the joy of the mother, the pride of the father. Had enjoyed gently passing a healthy infant to suckle at its mother’s breast, and sympathized with the loss when a baby hadn’t made it.
Never had it felt personal. Until today. The first baby he’d delivered since he’d found out he had a child of his own. Seeing the baby’s tiny body, hearing his first cries, watching him looking with wide eyes at the world for the very first time had clutched at his heart like nothing before.
And the mother. She’d suffered so much with the baby’s birth and yet, barely escaping death and in tremendous pain, she’d smiled through it all when she’d first seen her son.
He’d missed that with Drew. Missed being there to help Dani. And he hated that he’d never even thought to ask her if it had been an easy birth or a hard one. Even with all the modern technology in the U.S., not all babies were born without complications.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. He never wanted to feel the cold terror for Dani and Drew that had gripped him as he’d worked with mother and infant today. The sudden fear that if something happened to either of them, his entire world would be ripped to pieces. How did people cope with that? Did they just refuse to see the dangers? The risks?
Inhaling a shaky breath, he swung his legs off the bed and sat up. The past couldn’t be changed. Andrew had been conceived and born healthy and he was the most beautiful child Chase had ever seen. And Dani was a very special woman. An incredible woman.
He’d do whatever he had to do to keep both of them safe.
As he stepped through the doorway of the kitchen, it looked like everyone had finished eating but Dani. The scene was much livelier than usual, the room filled with Spud, Trent, Dani, his parents, and Drew, who obviously enjoyed being the center of everyone’s attention. Laughter at his antics bounced off the walls of the room, but Dani’s big smile faded as he walked in, her blue gaze seeming contemplative.
He hoped like hell she hadn’t sensed how disturbed he’d felt. He also hoped he had all those feelings under control.
“Daddy!” Drew grinned and raised his arms toward Chase, his fingers gooey with mashed yams.
Chase’s chest felt peculiarly heavy and light at the same time. He couldn’t believe how quickly Drew had accepted him as his dad. How he wanted to be held by him. To be played with by him. He had to swallow hard to shove down the emotions that had swamped him earlier.
“Hey, lizard-boy. What have you been up to today?” He grabbed a wet towel, partly to give himself something to do, and wiped Drew’s hands before sitting next to him.
“Your mother and I showed him the technique for shinnying up a palm tree today,” Phil said. “He’s a natural. Even better than you when you were that age.”
“Yes,” Evelyn agreed with a proud smile. “He made it up at least three feet. With us spotting, of course. Pretty soon he’ll be getting all the way up to grab a coconut or two.”
“Little did I know this was a Bowen family tradition,” Dani said with a smile. “When Chase first showed off how he could climb a coconut tree,
CHAPTER NINE
C HASE LAY ON his bed, his hair still wet from his shower, and stared at the cracked ceiling. He hoped everyone went ahead and started dinner—he and Dani had arrived back much later than they’d expected as it was. But he needed a few more minutes to deal with the overwhelming feelings that had unexpectedly swamped him after the birth of the baby that afternoon.
Damn it, he’d never wanted this. Never wanted to be susceptible to the same kind of pain he’d felt when his brother had died. Never wanted to feel vulnerable to his whole universe being crushed in an instant.
But when he’d brought that baby into the world, the moment had taken away his breath.
In his career he’d delivered more babies than he could possibly guess at. Had always appreciated the miracle of birth, the joy of the mother, the pride of the father. Had enjoyed gently passing a healthy infant to suckle at its mother’s breast, and sympathized with the loss when a baby hadn’t made it.
Never had it felt personal. Until today. The first baby he’d delivered since he’d found out he had a child of his own. Seeing the baby’s tiny body, hearing his first cries, watching him looking with wide eyes at the world for the very first time had clutched at his heart like nothing before.
And the mother. She’d suffered so much with the baby’s birth and yet, barely escaping death and in tremendous pain, she’d smiled through it all when she’d first seen her son.
He’d missed that with Drew. Missed being there to help Dani. And he hated that he’d never even thought to ask her if it had been an easy birth or a hard one. Even with all the modern technology in the U.S., not all babies were born without complications.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. He never wanted to feel the cold terror for Dani and Drew that had gripped him as he’d worked with mother and infant today. The sudden fear that if something happened to either of them, his entire world would be ripped to pieces. How did people cope with that? Did they just refuse to see the dangers? The risks?
Inhaling a shaky breath, he swung his legs off the bed and sat up. The past couldn’t be changed. Andrew had been conceived and born healthy and he was the most beautiful child Chase had ever seen. And Dani was a very special woman. An incredible woman.
He’d do whatever he had to do to keep both of them safe.
As he stepped through the doorway of the kitchen, it looked like everyone had finished eating but Dani. The scene was much livelier than usual, the room filled with Spud, Trent, Dani, his parents, and Drew, who obviously enjoyed being the center of everyone’s attention. Laughter at his antics bounced off the walls of the room, but Dani’s big smile faded as he walked in, her blue gaze seeming contemplative.
He hoped like hell she hadn’t sensed how disturbed he’d felt. He also hoped he had all those feelings under control.
“Daddy!” Drew grinned and raised his arms toward Chase, his fingers gooey with mashed yams.
Chase’s chest felt peculiarly heavy and light at the same time. He couldn’t believe how quickly Drew had accepted him as his dad. How he wanted to be held by him. To be played with by him. He had to swallow hard to shove down the emotions that had swamped him earlier.
“Hey, lizard-boy. What have you been up to today?” He grabbed a wet towel, partly to give himself something to do, and wiped Drew’s hands before sitting next to him.
“Your mother and I showed him the technique for shinnying up a palm tree today,” Phil said. “He’s a natural. Even better than you when you were that age.”
“Yes,” Evelyn agreed with a proud smile. “He made it up at least three feet. With us spotting, of course. Pretty soon he’ll be getting all the way up to grab a coconut or two.”
“Little did I know this was a Bowen family tradition,” Dani said with a smile. “When Chase first showed off how he could climb a coconut tree,
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