Cattle Valley 27 - Alone in a Crowd by Carol Lynne Page B

here.” “You’re seeking redemption?” Ben asked.
Ryan thought about it for several seconds. “No. I’m looking for an alternate ending to
my childhood.”
    Ben lowered his head to stare at his withered hands. “You said it yourself, we can’t change the past.”
“No, we can’t, but I need to not hate you when you die.” Without another word, Ryan closed the door. He stood at the bottom of the staircase, needing a few minutes to himself before going up to join his men.
“Hey, babe. Your dad all settled?” Nate asked from the top of the stairs.
“Yeah.” Ryan climbed the steps, becoming increasingly tired with each one. It was more than physical exhaustion, he was tired of thinking, tired of doubting himself for the way he felt, and most of all, tired of hating. He hadn’t realised how much energy it took to truly hate someone. For years he’d run from his past. He’d surrounded himself with people who saw him as loveable and trustworthy, all in an effort to prove his dad wrong. It didn’t matter how many times he’d tried to deny it, his parents’ opinion of him had shaped how he felt about himself. Bringing his dad home with him might prove to be a mistake, but he needed to hear his father tell him he’d been wrong, that Ryan wasn’t worthless or unlovable. Sure, he knew Nate and Rio loved him, but what kid doesn’t need the love of their parents, even if they weren’t biologically related?
When Ryan reached the top of the stairs, Nate looped an arm around Ryan’s waist. “You okay?”
“Not really,” Ryan said with honesty. They entered the bedroom and Nate helped Ryan undress. “I know I said I wanted to talk, but can we do that tomorrow?”
“Sure.” Nate prodded Ryan to climb into bed first, putting Ryan in the middle.
Lying on his side, Rio reached for Ryan. “Tell us what you need?”
Ryan rolled to his back and pulled Nate closer. “This,” he sighed. “I don’t want to think or talk about anything. I just want you to love me.”
Ryan felt Nate’s hardening cock press against his side, but it was to Nate’s credit that he didn’t immediately try to initiate sexual contact. Instead, Nate scooted up to rest his cheek against Ryan’s. “We do,” Nate whispered.
“Always,” Rio agreed, resting his arm across Ryan’s chest.
Ryan sighed, feeling right with his decision. His eyes drifted shut as he fell asleep easily for the first time in weeks.
* * * *
    Showered and ready to tackle the day, Rio entered the kitchen. He was surprised to find Ben seated at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him. “Morning.”
“I made coffee. I hope that’s okay. I spilled some, but I think I got it cleaned up.”
Rio noticed the grounds sprinkled across the floor in front of the coffee maker, but ignored it. Hell, Nate usually did the same thing and he had two good arms. He poured himself a cup and joined Ben. He stared out of the bay window towards the barn and rolling hills. “Did you sleep all right?”
Ben took a sip of his coffee. “Not really, but it wasn’t the bed’s fault.”
“I’m sorry if I came off a little rough yesterday. I just worry.”
“I understand.” Ben continued to stare out of the window. “You have horses?”
“Yeah, we each have one. You ride?”
Ben shook his head. “Never been on a horse in my life.”
“I could teach you if you’d like.” Rio wasn’t sure Ben was physically able to ride, but he couldn’t imagine growing old without knowing the joy of riding a horse. The freedom of riding into the hills surrounding their ranch was truly heaven on earth, something he’d love to share with Ben.
“I appreciate that, I do, but most of the time it hurts just sitting upright. I don’t think I could sit on a horse.”
It was a reminder of how sick Ryan’s father was. “Are you hurting now?”
“Not any more than usual.”
Rio gestured to the cup of coffee sitting in front of Ben. “Do you really think you should be drinking that?”
Ben