is frustrated. “You think I don’t know how much they hate me? How much they should hate me? I was a bitch, a horrible one. I said shit to GT that I haven’t ever apologized for. I led Casey or Angel, or whatever you call her now, to suffer along with me. I deserve to be dead, Breaker, so nothing you say can help . No one can help me.”
“Babe, not here to fix ya. You know I can’t do that shit.”
She rests her shoulder against the stall. “You know, I never thanked you, either.”
The words are like a punch to the gut, but I don’t show it. “Nothing to thank me for.”
She chokes a bit. “Right.”
While I never expected a thank you, her leaving without a good-bye really clawed at me.
I step back from the stall. “Come out of there.”
Shaina bats at her face again, getting rid of the new wetness, but she comes out.
“Now what?” she asks like I have some grand answer.
Like always, I go with the first thing that pops in my head. “Let’s go to my room and talk.”
She sucks in a breath, and a beat passes … then another … then another. Finally, she nods.
It isn’t as if Shaina has never been in my room before. She has. She and I know far too well the time we spent together in that space.
Shaina screams in her sleep so hard I wake up from the couch in my room and roll over to look at her. She thrashes in my bed, twisting into the sheet, pulling it tighter and tighter. She’s having another nightmare, and they are getting worse.
Shit.
I spring up and move to the bed.
Her screams of “ Stop” and “ Don’t ” echo through my head, putting me back in a place I don’t want to be. I don’t what her there, either. I want to erase it from her head, even if I can’t erase my memories from mine.
“Shaina,” I say quiet yet firm placing my hand on her arm.
She proceeds to fight me off, which I expect since it has happened the last few nights.
I hold tight and give her a squeeze, not letting her go. Not with enough pressure that will cause a mark, but enough to hopefully engage her thoughts.
It takes several minutes of me releasing her arm then squeezing before her eyes begin to flutter open and the sleep begins to dissipate. Then she jack-knifes from the bed, her eyes darting frantically around the space, and I move back a few steps, letting her realize where she is.
“You’re safe, Shaina,” I tell her, calming her frantic gaze.
She chokes out a sob then sucks in deep. “Safe. I don’t even know what that means anymore.”
A pang in my chest hits hard, and I can’t stop the protective mode my body goes into. She’s so small and fragile and beautiful.
“I’m going to sit on the bed.”
She nods as she shrinks herself into a little ball up at the headboard, wrapping her arms around her bent knees. She’s terrified and scared, and I absolutely hate it.
I would have loved to be there when the brothers took out those assholes who hurt her.
Should I be pissed at her? Hell, yes. She lured Angel so that fucker Paine could get to her to hurt the club. On the flip side, Shaina also came to Princess for help, and we turned her away. Sure, she was a total bitch to GT at Diamond’s funeral, demanding money, so there was great reason to turn her away. But if we would have helped her, she wouldn’t be where she is now, and Angel wouldn’t have been where she is. That is on us.
It’s all a vicious circle of would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.
“Talk to me.” I have said the same words to her every night she’s been in my bed.
Princess wanted to put her downstairs, but after hearing the possibility of what those fuckers did to her, I couldn’t, so I told Princess I would look after her. She didn’t question it; she simply told me she was grateful, that she didn’t really want her alone. Unfortunately, I knew what her nights would entail, and I couldn’t in my right mind allow her to deal with it all by herself.
Shaina shakes her head as tears well in her eyes and fall
“Babe, not here to fix ya. You know I can’t do that shit.”
She rests her shoulder against the stall. “You know, I never thanked you, either.”
The words are like a punch to the gut, but I don’t show it. “Nothing to thank me for.”
She chokes a bit. “Right.”
While I never expected a thank you, her leaving without a good-bye really clawed at me.
I step back from the stall. “Come out of there.”
Shaina bats at her face again, getting rid of the new wetness, but she comes out.
“Now what?” she asks like I have some grand answer.
Like always, I go with the first thing that pops in my head. “Let’s go to my room and talk.”
She sucks in a breath, and a beat passes … then another … then another. Finally, she nods.
It isn’t as if Shaina has never been in my room before. She has. She and I know far too well the time we spent together in that space.
Shaina screams in her sleep so hard I wake up from the couch in my room and roll over to look at her. She thrashes in my bed, twisting into the sheet, pulling it tighter and tighter. She’s having another nightmare, and they are getting worse.
Shit.
I spring up and move to the bed.
Her screams of “ Stop” and “ Don’t ” echo through my head, putting me back in a place I don’t want to be. I don’t what her there, either. I want to erase it from her head, even if I can’t erase my memories from mine.
“Shaina,” I say quiet yet firm placing my hand on her arm.
She proceeds to fight me off, which I expect since it has happened the last few nights.
I hold tight and give her a squeeze, not letting her go. Not with enough pressure that will cause a mark, but enough to hopefully engage her thoughts.
It takes several minutes of me releasing her arm then squeezing before her eyes begin to flutter open and the sleep begins to dissipate. Then she jack-knifes from the bed, her eyes darting frantically around the space, and I move back a few steps, letting her realize where she is.
“You’re safe, Shaina,” I tell her, calming her frantic gaze.
She chokes out a sob then sucks in deep. “Safe. I don’t even know what that means anymore.”
A pang in my chest hits hard, and I can’t stop the protective mode my body goes into. She’s so small and fragile and beautiful.
“I’m going to sit on the bed.”
She nods as she shrinks herself into a little ball up at the headboard, wrapping her arms around her bent knees. She’s terrified and scared, and I absolutely hate it.
I would have loved to be there when the brothers took out those assholes who hurt her.
Should I be pissed at her? Hell, yes. She lured Angel so that fucker Paine could get to her to hurt the club. On the flip side, Shaina also came to Princess for help, and we turned her away. Sure, she was a total bitch to GT at Diamond’s funeral, demanding money, so there was great reason to turn her away. But if we would have helped her, she wouldn’t be where she is now, and Angel wouldn’t have been where she is. That is on us.
It’s all a vicious circle of would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.
“Talk to me.” I have said the same words to her every night she’s been in my bed.
Princess wanted to put her downstairs, but after hearing the possibility of what those fuckers did to her, I couldn’t, so I told Princess I would look after her. She didn’t question it; she simply told me she was grateful, that she didn’t really want her alone. Unfortunately, I knew what her nights would entail, and I couldn’t in my right mind allow her to deal with it all by herself.
Shaina shakes her head as tears well in her eyes and fall
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