most innocent face.
‘You did not,’ says Mum.
‘I did so,’ Biddy says. ‘You just didn’t listen to me, because you were talking on the phone.’
Then Mum’s face goes all red, and she yells even louder, ‘Brigid, go home right now.’ As if it is all Biddy’s fault that she’s in trouble. But it isn’t.
Mum was talking on the phone when me and Biddy wanted to go to Jamie’s. So even if we did want to ask, we couldn’t. Because Mum told Biddy she’s-not-allowed-to-make-any-noise-while-Mum-is-on-the-phone. So it is Mum’s fault, too.
But Mum doesn’t admit it is her fault, too. While me and Biddy are walking to the garden gate, we hear Mum tell Jamie in her most polite voice, ‘I’m very sorry, Jamie, but Biddy has been a naughty, naughty girl. She is not allowed to play any longer.’
Which is not fair. How come she is so nice to him when he was playing, too?
Chapter two
being very good
When we get back home, Mum tells Biddy, ‘You are the naughtiest -little-girl-in-the-whole-wide-world!’
And, ‘What-if-you-had-been-stolen-by-a-big-bad-stranger-person-who-cut-you-into-tiny-pieces-and-sent-you-home-in-an-envelope?’
And, ‘How-would-you-like-it-if-Iran-away-and-you-couldn’t-find-me-and-you-were-worrying-yourself-sick?’
Biddy wants to say she’s very-very-very-sorry.
But Mum hardly stops yelling before she says, ‘ Hurry-hurry-hurry . We have to go to the Centre of Town.’
The Centre of Town!
Yes! That’s where the museum is with all the dead-people mummies, and the stuffed magical creatures like the extinct Tasmanian tiger.
I hope we are going to the museum , I think.
But then Mum says, ‘I have a very-important-appointment. So I’m going to take you and your sisters to Granny’s house.’
‘ Hooray! ’ I yell. This is the best news of all. Granny lives in the Centre of Town, and she is going to look after me and Biddy, and Miss Getting-All-The-Attention Matilda, and dribbly little Crybaby Ellen, while Mum goes to the very-important-appointment.
Now, the thing is, there is a new rule in Biddy’s house since we moved to the city. The rule says: Naughty-girls-are-not-allowed-to-go-on-outings . If Mum remembers that Biddy has just been naughty, she won’t let Biddy come on the trip to Granny’s.
Instead, Biddy will have to stay with Miss Grimes from over the road. Miss Grimes cuts caterpillars and grasshoppers in half with scissors. And she drowns snails and slugs in jars of beer in her vegetable garden. Yukki-poo-la-drop-kick!
Biddy really wants to go to Granny’s.
Granny is Biddy’s absolute favourite grandma. She knows everything about plants and herbs. She knows about magic creatures like fairies and goblins. She even knows about those cheeky yebil yebils that come from the Great Bushland. You know, the ones that look like a slip of a shadow and always trip you up when you are running.
And she knows about bugs (particularly spiders). And she knows all about frogs and snakes and unicorns . She is the bestest grandma in the whole entire universe.
Mum tells Biddy to promise that she will be ‘the-best-good-girl-that-she-can-possibly-be-for-the-rest-of-the-day’.
Biddy promises she will be good, even though she knows she might not be able to keep the promise. Because how can a person know what’s going to happen when it hasn’t happened yet?
In the end, the promise did get broken , but Biddy wasn’t to know that, was she?
She starts by being very good.
Mum says, ‘We’re going to catch the train, so dress yourself appropriately.’
( Appropriate is a schoolteacher word meaning ‘okay’ or ‘right’ or ‘good’.)
So Biddy doesn’t wear her favourite pink plastic high-heeled shoes that make the best clicking noises on the footpath. Mum once said they would get caught in the train door. She said that Biddy would fall-down-through-the-gap-onto-the-train-tracks-and-get-chopped-in-half-by-the-train.
Biddy puts on her second-favourite shoes
‘You did not,’ says Mum.
‘I did so,’ Biddy says. ‘You just didn’t listen to me, because you were talking on the phone.’
Then Mum’s face goes all red, and she yells even louder, ‘Brigid, go home right now.’ As if it is all Biddy’s fault that she’s in trouble. But it isn’t.
Mum was talking on the phone when me and Biddy wanted to go to Jamie’s. So even if we did want to ask, we couldn’t. Because Mum told Biddy she’s-not-allowed-to-make-any-noise-while-Mum-is-on-the-phone. So it is Mum’s fault, too.
But Mum doesn’t admit it is her fault, too. While me and Biddy are walking to the garden gate, we hear Mum tell Jamie in her most polite voice, ‘I’m very sorry, Jamie, but Biddy has been a naughty, naughty girl. She is not allowed to play any longer.’
Which is not fair. How come she is so nice to him when he was playing, too?
Chapter two
being very good
When we get back home, Mum tells Biddy, ‘You are the naughtiest -little-girl-in-the-whole-wide-world!’
And, ‘What-if-you-had-been-stolen-by-a-big-bad-stranger-person-who-cut-you-into-tiny-pieces-and-sent-you-home-in-an-envelope?’
And, ‘How-would-you-like-it-if-Iran-away-and-you-couldn’t-find-me-and-you-were-worrying-yourself-sick?’
Biddy wants to say she’s very-very-very-sorry.
But Mum hardly stops yelling before she says, ‘ Hurry-hurry-hurry . We have to go to the Centre of Town.’
The Centre of Town!
Yes! That’s where the museum is with all the dead-people mummies, and the stuffed magical creatures like the extinct Tasmanian tiger.
I hope we are going to the museum , I think.
But then Mum says, ‘I have a very-important-appointment. So I’m going to take you and your sisters to Granny’s house.’
‘ Hooray! ’ I yell. This is the best news of all. Granny lives in the Centre of Town, and she is going to look after me and Biddy, and Miss Getting-All-The-Attention Matilda, and dribbly little Crybaby Ellen, while Mum goes to the very-important-appointment.
Now, the thing is, there is a new rule in Biddy’s house since we moved to the city. The rule says: Naughty-girls-are-not-allowed-to-go-on-outings . If Mum remembers that Biddy has just been naughty, she won’t let Biddy come on the trip to Granny’s.
Instead, Biddy will have to stay with Miss Grimes from over the road. Miss Grimes cuts caterpillars and grasshoppers in half with scissors. And she drowns snails and slugs in jars of beer in her vegetable garden. Yukki-poo-la-drop-kick!
Biddy really wants to go to Granny’s.
Granny is Biddy’s absolute favourite grandma. She knows everything about plants and herbs. She knows about magic creatures like fairies and goblins. She even knows about those cheeky yebil yebils that come from the Great Bushland. You know, the ones that look like a slip of a shadow and always trip you up when you are running.
And she knows about bugs (particularly spiders). And she knows all about frogs and snakes and unicorns . She is the bestest grandma in the whole entire universe.
Mum tells Biddy to promise that she will be ‘the-best-good-girl-that-she-can-possibly-be-for-the-rest-of-the-day’.
Biddy promises she will be good, even though she knows she might not be able to keep the promise. Because how can a person know what’s going to happen when it hasn’t happened yet?
In the end, the promise did get broken , but Biddy wasn’t to know that, was she?
She starts by being very good.
Mum says, ‘We’re going to catch the train, so dress yourself appropriately.’
( Appropriate is a schoolteacher word meaning ‘okay’ or ‘right’ or ‘good’.)
So Biddy doesn’t wear her favourite pink plastic high-heeled shoes that make the best clicking noises on the footpath. Mum once said they would get caught in the train door. She said that Biddy would fall-down-through-the-gap-onto-the-train-tracks-and-get-chopped-in-half-by-the-train.
Biddy puts on her second-favourite shoes
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