then it’s not ridiculous,’ says Thea, sounding confused.
‘You said it, sweetie,’ Emily returns.
‘We’re here to farm sheep,’ says Jamie, and giggles. No one else laughs.
‘Let’s hear Paul’s,’ says Anne.
‘Nuclear testing,’ says Paul.
‘Is that it?’ says Thea.
‘What’s yours then?’ he asks.
‘We’ve been brought here to fall in love,’ she says.
‘You cynic,’ says Emily. ‘That’s not ridiculous. Love’s cool.’
Outside it’s starting to get dark. A minute ago the light was yellow. Now it’s blue.
Bryn feels itchy all over. Maybe he’s allergic to these people. Thea’s right. There isn’t going to be any romance here. Not that Bryn knows too much about romance, of course. He knows about sex (not enough, though – he’s shit at it) and how to get girls to have sex with him, but romance . . . that’s way too embarrassing. He feels uncomfortable because it now looks like sex could be on the cards with the blonde girl. Bryn’s not so sure about blondes. He’s a Posh Spice sort of bloke. He reminds himself that this girl would probably be a right goer. The thought doesn’t excite him, though, it just makes him itch more.
‘What are you doing?’ Anne asks Jamie. He’s been writing things on the bit of paper for hours now, or that’s what it feels like.
‘I’m writing a list,’ he says.
‘Of?’ demands Emily.
‘Suspects,’ he replies. ‘For the kidnapping.’
‘Cool,’ says Anne. ‘Can I see?’
She tries to grab the piece of paper but Jamie holds it out of her reach.
‘What’s wrong?’ she says. ‘I just want to have a look.’
‘Hang on,’ he says. ‘I’ve just got to . . .’
He chews his pen for a moment, looks at the sheet of paper and then writes something else on it. There are several more pieces of paper underneath it and Jamie pockets all except the one he’s just written on. This gets a raised eyebrow from everyone but Emily, who’s now examining the electric blue polish on her toe-nails.
‘What are they?’ asks Thea.
‘What?’ says Jamie.
‘Those bits of paper you’ve just hidden.’
‘Not important,’ he says.
‘Don’t you want us to see your list?’ she says.
‘Yeah.’ Jamie points at the single sheet in front of him. ‘This is the list. The other stuff’s private.’
‘Fuck the list,’ says Paul. ‘I want to see the private stuff.’
Anne smirks. ‘Come on, Jamie. Pleeeease?’
He frowns. ‘Why are you all so interested in me all of a sudden?’
‘Because you’re doing something secret,’ says Emily, looking up from her feet.
‘And that makes me interesting?’
‘I think so,’ says Emily. ‘Isn’t that what makes most people interesting?’
‘What?’ says Thea. ‘Having something to hide?’
‘I think it’s better if people are upfront,’ says Bryn. The last thing somebody hid from him was genital warts.
‘No,’ says Emily. ‘Think about it. People who are easy to read are usually the most boring people. It’s always the mysterious people who are cool. You know if you’re on the tube or something, and everyone’s reading the
Evening Standard
, but there’s one person reading a private letter or writing on a notepad or something? That person will seem more interesting because they’re doing something private. It’s like if someone’s having a conversation on their mobile in a really loud voice, it really pisses you off, but if they are whispering and trying not to be heard, you want to know what they are saying.’
‘So I’m interesting because I’ve got some bits of paper in my pocket?’ says Jamie.
‘Sounds a bit mad to me,’ says Thea. ‘But she is sort of right.’
‘Does this mean I wasn’t interesting before?’ he asks.
‘Of course you were,’ gushes Emily. Thea gives her a look.
‘Anyway, can we see them now?’ asks Anne.
‘No!’ says Jamie.
‘Leave him alone,’ says Thea.
‘Can we at least see the list of suspects?’ asks
‘You said it, sweetie,’ Emily returns.
‘We’re here to farm sheep,’ says Jamie, and giggles. No one else laughs.
‘Let’s hear Paul’s,’ says Anne.
‘Nuclear testing,’ says Paul.
‘Is that it?’ says Thea.
‘What’s yours then?’ he asks.
‘We’ve been brought here to fall in love,’ she says.
‘You cynic,’ says Emily. ‘That’s not ridiculous. Love’s cool.’
Outside it’s starting to get dark. A minute ago the light was yellow. Now it’s blue.
Bryn feels itchy all over. Maybe he’s allergic to these people. Thea’s right. There isn’t going to be any romance here. Not that Bryn knows too much about romance, of course. He knows about sex (not enough, though – he’s shit at it) and how to get girls to have sex with him, but romance . . . that’s way too embarrassing. He feels uncomfortable because it now looks like sex could be on the cards with the blonde girl. Bryn’s not so sure about blondes. He’s a Posh Spice sort of bloke. He reminds himself that this girl would probably be a right goer. The thought doesn’t excite him, though, it just makes him itch more.
‘What are you doing?’ Anne asks Jamie. He’s been writing things on the bit of paper for hours now, or that’s what it feels like.
‘I’m writing a list,’ he says.
‘Of?’ demands Emily.
‘Suspects,’ he replies. ‘For the kidnapping.’
‘Cool,’ says Anne. ‘Can I see?’
She tries to grab the piece of paper but Jamie holds it out of her reach.
‘What’s wrong?’ she says. ‘I just want to have a look.’
‘Hang on,’ he says. ‘I’ve just got to . . .’
He chews his pen for a moment, looks at the sheet of paper and then writes something else on it. There are several more pieces of paper underneath it and Jamie pockets all except the one he’s just written on. This gets a raised eyebrow from everyone but Emily, who’s now examining the electric blue polish on her toe-nails.
‘What are they?’ asks Thea.
‘What?’ says Jamie.
‘Those bits of paper you’ve just hidden.’
‘Not important,’ he says.
‘Don’t you want us to see your list?’ she says.
‘Yeah.’ Jamie points at the single sheet in front of him. ‘This is the list. The other stuff’s private.’
‘Fuck the list,’ says Paul. ‘I want to see the private stuff.’
Anne smirks. ‘Come on, Jamie. Pleeeease?’
He frowns. ‘Why are you all so interested in me all of a sudden?’
‘Because you’re doing something secret,’ says Emily, looking up from her feet.
‘And that makes me interesting?’
‘I think so,’ says Emily. ‘Isn’t that what makes most people interesting?’
‘What?’ says Thea. ‘Having something to hide?’
‘I think it’s better if people are upfront,’ says Bryn. The last thing somebody hid from him was genital warts.
‘No,’ says Emily. ‘Think about it. People who are easy to read are usually the most boring people. It’s always the mysterious people who are cool. You know if you’re on the tube or something, and everyone’s reading the
Evening Standard
, but there’s one person reading a private letter or writing on a notepad or something? That person will seem more interesting because they’re doing something private. It’s like if someone’s having a conversation on their mobile in a really loud voice, it really pisses you off, but if they are whispering and trying not to be heard, you want to know what they are saying.’
‘So I’m interesting because I’ve got some bits of paper in my pocket?’ says Jamie.
‘Sounds a bit mad to me,’ says Thea. ‘But she is sort of right.’
‘Does this mean I wasn’t interesting before?’ he asks.
‘Of course you were,’ gushes Emily. Thea gives her a look.
‘Anyway, can we see them now?’ asks Anne.
‘No!’ says Jamie.
‘Leave him alone,’ says Thea.
‘Can we at least see the list of suspects?’ asks
Similar Books
