tore our hair as we raced back toward the mansion.
“Woe!” we howled. “Woe! Woe! Woe! Poor Fainting Maid has fallen into a well!”
Li Kao and I were viewed with suspicion, but since the girl's own father had been with us
there could be no question that it had been an accident.
10. It Was a Grand Funeral
Li Kao was delighted that he had been able to murder somebody who thoroughly deserved it,
and his reason for murder was that the Ancestress, in her own inimitable way, was deeply
religious. An example of her piety was the immense mausoleum that she had erected for
herself, assuming that someday she would condescend to join the gods. It was a giant iron
pillar more than a hundred feet high, with the burial chamber in the center and the
message that she wished to preserve for posterity engraved in huge characters above the
entrance. If the history of the Ancestress is lost in the passage of time, I imagine that
the scholars of the future will be rather puzzled by her epitaph.
HEAVEN PRODUCES MYRIADS OF THINGS TO NOURISH MAN;
MAN NEVER DOES ONE GOOD TO RECOMPENSE HEAVEN.
KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
Another example of her piety was her fondness for lohans. I don't mean the statues of
Buddhist saints, such as the 142,289 that can be found in Lung-men. I mean real lohans.
A real lohan is a saintly monk who has given up the ghost while seated in the meditative
mudra. This is considered to be a sign from Heaven, and when the deceased is discovered
contemplating his navel, with his legs crossed, the soles of his feet turned up, and his
hands lying limply upon his lap with the palms up, his body is carefully wrapped in layers
of burlap. The burlap is treated with successive coats of lacquer and the finished product
is a real saint whose preserved body will last for centuries, (If the lacquer is properly
applied and the body is placed in water, it will last forever.) Such lacquered lohans are
extremely rare, but the Ancestress possessed no less than twelve of them. Those with nasty
minds suspected that more than one of the saints had been peacefully contemplating when an
agent of the Ancestress slipped a knife between his ribs. This may or may not have been
true, but the Ancestress was unquestionably proud of them and brought them out for all
great ceremonial occasions.
In the days that followed the demise of Fainting Maid mourners gathered from all over, and
the most illustrious erected sacrificial tents along the road that the funeral procession
would take to the cemetery. They brought private orchestras, and even troupes of actors
and acrobats, and there was a great deal of socializing among the nobility. More and more
people poured into the estate, including countless bonzes who were employed by the
Ancestress to pray day and night for her soul, and the affair rather resembled a festival.
The great day dawned with a drizzle. Clouds hovered overhead throughout the morning and
early afternoon, and it was hot and humid with a sulphurous smell in the air. Henpecked
Ho, who had willingly agreed to help us, muttered grim warnings about evil signs as he
walked from count to marquis to duke. Shaggy black beasts with eyes like fire had been
seen in the woods, said Henpecked Ho. Servants had seen two ominous ghosts - “A woman in
white and a woman in green!” - who had warned of demons, and when a search was made of the
pleasure pavilions the carving of a demon had indeed been found, with an iron band around
its head and a chain around its neck. A bronze candelabrum had floated through the air
beside the Lake of the Fifth Fragrance: “With seven flames!” hissed Henpecked Ho, and I
hope that no one will judge that sweet old man rashly when I report that at the funeral of
his daughter he was having the time of his life.
A great roll of drums signaled the approach of the funeral procession. First came
“Woe!” we howled. “Woe! Woe! Woe! Poor Fainting Maid has fallen into a well!”
Li Kao and I were viewed with suspicion, but since the girl's own father had been with us
there could be no question that it had been an accident.
10. It Was a Grand Funeral
Li Kao was delighted that he had been able to murder somebody who thoroughly deserved it,
and his reason for murder was that the Ancestress, in her own inimitable way, was deeply
religious. An example of her piety was the immense mausoleum that she had erected for
herself, assuming that someday she would condescend to join the gods. It was a giant iron
pillar more than a hundred feet high, with the burial chamber in the center and the
message that she wished to preserve for posterity engraved in huge characters above the
entrance. If the history of the Ancestress is lost in the passage of time, I imagine that
the scholars of the future will be rather puzzled by her epitaph.
HEAVEN PRODUCES MYRIADS OF THINGS TO NOURISH MAN;
MAN NEVER DOES ONE GOOD TO RECOMPENSE HEAVEN.
KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
Another example of her piety was her fondness for lohans. I don't mean the statues of
Buddhist saints, such as the 142,289 that can be found in Lung-men. I mean real lohans.
A real lohan is a saintly monk who has given up the ghost while seated in the meditative
mudra. This is considered to be a sign from Heaven, and when the deceased is discovered
contemplating his navel, with his legs crossed, the soles of his feet turned up, and his
hands lying limply upon his lap with the palms up, his body is carefully wrapped in layers
of burlap. The burlap is treated with successive coats of lacquer and the finished product
is a real saint whose preserved body will last for centuries, (If the lacquer is properly
applied and the body is placed in water, it will last forever.) Such lacquered lohans are
extremely rare, but the Ancestress possessed no less than twelve of them. Those with nasty
minds suspected that more than one of the saints had been peacefully contemplating when an
agent of the Ancestress slipped a knife between his ribs. This may or may not have been
true, but the Ancestress was unquestionably proud of them and brought them out for all
great ceremonial occasions.
In the days that followed the demise of Fainting Maid mourners gathered from all over, and
the most illustrious erected sacrificial tents along the road that the funeral procession
would take to the cemetery. They brought private orchestras, and even troupes of actors
and acrobats, and there was a great deal of socializing among the nobility. More and more
people poured into the estate, including countless bonzes who were employed by the
Ancestress to pray day and night for her soul, and the affair rather resembled a festival.
The great day dawned with a drizzle. Clouds hovered overhead throughout the morning and
early afternoon, and it was hot and humid with a sulphurous smell in the air. Henpecked
Ho, who had willingly agreed to help us, muttered grim warnings about evil signs as he
walked from count to marquis to duke. Shaggy black beasts with eyes like fire had been
seen in the woods, said Henpecked Ho. Servants had seen two ominous ghosts - “A woman in
white and a woman in green!” - who had warned of demons, and when a search was made of the
pleasure pavilions the carving of a demon had indeed been found, with an iron band around
its head and a chain around its neck. A bronze candelabrum had floated through the air
beside the Lake of the Fifth Fragrance: “With seven flames!” hissed Henpecked Ho, and I
hope that no one will judge that sweet old man rashly when I report that at the funeral of
his daughter he was having the time of his life.
A great roll of drums signaled the approach of the funeral procession. First came
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