you’re not going to be here to find out!”
He seemed like a hormonal teenage girl. I hated to think it, but he was being ridiculous. I was calmed down; he should have at least been making an effort to do the same instead of continuing the argument. He should have been trying to calm himself, realizing that arguing about it all did it no good at all. And he shouldn’t have been trying to hurt me in any way that he could think of just because he was hurting.
“Don’t do that,” I said, more patiently than he deserved. “Don’t push me into a wall and don’t try to hurt me just because you’re hurting.”
I watched as he seemed to fight with himself, as his eyes met and then darted from mine. He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. At least his breathing was under control and he had quit pacing.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he sighed, his eyes pasted to the ground, his voice quivering with sadness. “It’s just that…we can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep acting like this is normal.”
I felt myself jar at his words, hurt at his choice of them. I wasn’t going to pretend like everything was fine; I wasn’t going to act like it was normal. But I wanted him; and I wanted to be there for him.
I wasn’t sure when it all transformed; I wasn’t sure when it was exactly that my emotions switched from pity to love, but they had. And I knew it now more than I ever had—even more so than when he lay, unmoving and unbreathing, on his apartment’s floor. I felt it more now because the possibility of losing him in a way completely unexpected had reared its ugly head.
And his words were like bullets, piercing my skin, burning an intense blast into my chest, completely obliterating me and forcing only a hole to remain where my heart should have been.
“What exactly are you saying?” I stammered. That question was all that I could even dare to manage.
He looked up at me, at least giving me the courtesy of looking in my eyes as he tried to dump me. “I’m saying I can’t keep doing this to you. Cancer or no cancer, my life is completely fucked up.”
It was true. His life was completely fucked up.
“It was selfish of me to ask you to be in this with me in the first place,” he said and sighed.
“Yeah, it was.” I agreed, the statement coming off a little more harshly than I had intended. I sighed, and he looked back down at the ground, and I wasn’t sure if it was shame or sadness—or even a mixture of both. It didn’t matter though. I took a step closer to him, though, and it became clear regardless. There was a pained expression that lived atop his face…and I could tell that he was sad. “But you know what?”
He glanced up once again, a gut-wrenching sense of hope etched across his face.
“I didn’t need you to ask; I would have fallen for you regardless,” I whispered, just before I reached out to take his arm. And it was true. Pitying only made me agree to a date; it had nothing to do with me actually falling for him. “We need to figure this out together, okay? And if Dr. Freeman had anything to do with this, then we have to deal with it as it comes.” I cringed as it left my mouth. I was scared that he was going to lose it again. However, it had to be said.
“Well, my brother has nothing to do with this; it must just be a misunderstanding.” His voice was calm but suddenly angry again, and I knew I shouldn’t push, but I couldn’t help myself.
“I love you, but he’s your fucking step brother, Derek.” I defended.
“That’s the same thing as a regular brother to me!” he shot, shaking my arm from his.
“Fredrick says he’s always been terrible to you!” And then I was spinning all over again, reeling even. I had no idea what to say; it all hurt so badly. All I could do was continue to spatter out reasons for him to choose me over Dr. Freeman; everything he had done wrong to Derek, everything that I did right. “What has he ever done for
He seemed like a hormonal teenage girl. I hated to think it, but he was being ridiculous. I was calmed down; he should have at least been making an effort to do the same instead of continuing the argument. He should have been trying to calm himself, realizing that arguing about it all did it no good at all. And he shouldn’t have been trying to hurt me in any way that he could think of just because he was hurting.
“Don’t do that,” I said, more patiently than he deserved. “Don’t push me into a wall and don’t try to hurt me just because you’re hurting.”
I watched as he seemed to fight with himself, as his eyes met and then darted from mine. He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. At least his breathing was under control and he had quit pacing.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he sighed, his eyes pasted to the ground, his voice quivering with sadness. “It’s just that…we can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep acting like this is normal.”
I felt myself jar at his words, hurt at his choice of them. I wasn’t going to pretend like everything was fine; I wasn’t going to act like it was normal. But I wanted him; and I wanted to be there for him.
I wasn’t sure when it all transformed; I wasn’t sure when it was exactly that my emotions switched from pity to love, but they had. And I knew it now more than I ever had—even more so than when he lay, unmoving and unbreathing, on his apartment’s floor. I felt it more now because the possibility of losing him in a way completely unexpected had reared its ugly head.
And his words were like bullets, piercing my skin, burning an intense blast into my chest, completely obliterating me and forcing only a hole to remain where my heart should have been.
“What exactly are you saying?” I stammered. That question was all that I could even dare to manage.
He looked up at me, at least giving me the courtesy of looking in my eyes as he tried to dump me. “I’m saying I can’t keep doing this to you. Cancer or no cancer, my life is completely fucked up.”
It was true. His life was completely fucked up.
“It was selfish of me to ask you to be in this with me in the first place,” he said and sighed.
“Yeah, it was.” I agreed, the statement coming off a little more harshly than I had intended. I sighed, and he looked back down at the ground, and I wasn’t sure if it was shame or sadness—or even a mixture of both. It didn’t matter though. I took a step closer to him, though, and it became clear regardless. There was a pained expression that lived atop his face…and I could tell that he was sad. “But you know what?”
He glanced up once again, a gut-wrenching sense of hope etched across his face.
“I didn’t need you to ask; I would have fallen for you regardless,” I whispered, just before I reached out to take his arm. And it was true. Pitying only made me agree to a date; it had nothing to do with me actually falling for him. “We need to figure this out together, okay? And if Dr. Freeman had anything to do with this, then we have to deal with it as it comes.” I cringed as it left my mouth. I was scared that he was going to lose it again. However, it had to be said.
“Well, my brother has nothing to do with this; it must just be a misunderstanding.” His voice was calm but suddenly angry again, and I knew I shouldn’t push, but I couldn’t help myself.
“I love you, but he’s your fucking step brother, Derek.” I defended.
“That’s the same thing as a regular brother to me!” he shot, shaking my arm from his.
“Fredrick says he’s always been terrible to you!” And then I was spinning all over again, reeling even. I had no idea what to say; it all hurt so badly. All I could do was continue to spatter out reasons for him to choose me over Dr. Freeman; everything he had done wrong to Derek, everything that I did right. “What has he ever done for
Similar Books
