were a river, you'd be a dead leaf floating on top of it, dissolving into your constituents until you were scattered like dust. But the river would rage on.
Those were my thoughts as I sat uncomfortably for the second time in my life inside of a dungeon. Having experienced it before only made this second time so much worse. My ignorance wasn't around to fuel my hope. I knew that good didn't necessarily win in this world, and I didn't have a father around to come to the rescue. The only other person who might have succeeded in rescuing me was trapped in a cell right beside mine.
Losing a parent changes a person. That safety you felt is suddenly stripped away, leaving you standing alone and naked in a cruel world. Responsibility rests on your shoulders, and if you drop it there will be no one to pick it up. So instead you hold it up, straining with everything you've been taught, hoping it'll be enough to keep you from being crushed.
But I couldn't dwell on that. Remembering my own vulnerability would never help me get us out of here. I didn't know how long we'd been in our separate cells. Hours? A day? Time doesn't move when you're trapped in complete and utter darkness.
Myez had taken everything I owned. Including my bindingbooks. Since we'd left Valdon, I'd wanted nothing more than for Stefan to write, but right then I pleaded silently that he hadn't. I didn't want his words in Myez Rader's hands.
Bringing those bindingbooks had been a terrible idea.
"Stefan, I'm so sorry," I whispered in the darkness. I had left him with a bigger mess than I'd realized. War threatened him from the north, and I was the one piece that could stop it. It was a marriage that could save thousands of lives, and Stefan had chosen not to even mention it to me. But if all of this had happened since we'd left the castle, how had Alex already known?
My heart ached for Stefan. I hated that I couldn't be there for him, but if I were still there, I probably would have been whisked away to Orindor in a white dress. It was so easy to forget how archaically this world operated. From my studies, I knew many kingdoms had been founded and fortified based on advantageous marriages. My grandfather had threatened me with this since I'd arrived in Gaia; I had just never actually and seriously considered the implications of such conventions.
But could I do it? Could I marry a man I did not love in order to save lives? I'd never considered such a question before, and I couldn't believe I was asking myself this now. To do so would be sacrificing my self, because my heart belonged irrevocably to Alex.
Alex, who had always expected this to happen, which was why he'd fled to Alioth in the first place. But he'd made me a promise. He'd promised to never leave my side.
…unless you ordered him to.
I sighed, wrapping my arms around my knees.He would be here soon: Thaddeus.
A bubble of anger suddenly rose up inside of me and I yelled, slamming my bad fist on the floor. I kept slamming it and slamming it, distantly aware that it ached , but I didn't care. I wanted the pain. I hit the floor for every lie. For every bruise and cut. I hit the floor for Stefan and the shadowguard and Lord Commodus's offer.
I hit the floor for my father.
And then I slid onto my side and curled up into a ball, my face hot and wet with tears, and was overwhelmed with exhaustion and pain.
I didn't know how long I'd been asleep. I absently reached for the necklace at my throat, then remembered that Myez had taken that, too. He had forgotten one thing: the little branch of Dragon's Breath berries was still in my boots. But a lot of help they were.
I sat up. I felt exceptionally weak, and my back and hips were stiff and aching. Stone was not meant for sleeping on, yet I slept on it more often than not these days. I clutched my left arm to my chest, glaring at the small, golden grid of light that taunted me above. Were Alex and Vera still in their cells? I had no idea, but certainly
Those were my thoughts as I sat uncomfortably for the second time in my life inside of a dungeon. Having experienced it before only made this second time so much worse. My ignorance wasn't around to fuel my hope. I knew that good didn't necessarily win in this world, and I didn't have a father around to come to the rescue. The only other person who might have succeeded in rescuing me was trapped in a cell right beside mine.
Losing a parent changes a person. That safety you felt is suddenly stripped away, leaving you standing alone and naked in a cruel world. Responsibility rests on your shoulders, and if you drop it there will be no one to pick it up. So instead you hold it up, straining with everything you've been taught, hoping it'll be enough to keep you from being crushed.
But I couldn't dwell on that. Remembering my own vulnerability would never help me get us out of here. I didn't know how long we'd been in our separate cells. Hours? A day? Time doesn't move when you're trapped in complete and utter darkness.
Myez had taken everything I owned. Including my bindingbooks. Since we'd left Valdon, I'd wanted nothing more than for Stefan to write, but right then I pleaded silently that he hadn't. I didn't want his words in Myez Rader's hands.
Bringing those bindingbooks had been a terrible idea.
"Stefan, I'm so sorry," I whispered in the darkness. I had left him with a bigger mess than I'd realized. War threatened him from the north, and I was the one piece that could stop it. It was a marriage that could save thousands of lives, and Stefan had chosen not to even mention it to me. But if all of this had happened since we'd left the castle, how had Alex already known?
My heart ached for Stefan. I hated that I couldn't be there for him, but if I were still there, I probably would have been whisked away to Orindor in a white dress. It was so easy to forget how archaically this world operated. From my studies, I knew many kingdoms had been founded and fortified based on advantageous marriages. My grandfather had threatened me with this since I'd arrived in Gaia; I had just never actually and seriously considered the implications of such conventions.
But could I do it? Could I marry a man I did not love in order to save lives? I'd never considered such a question before, and I couldn't believe I was asking myself this now. To do so would be sacrificing my self, because my heart belonged irrevocably to Alex.
Alex, who had always expected this to happen, which was why he'd fled to Alioth in the first place. But he'd made me a promise. He'd promised to never leave my side.
…unless you ordered him to.
I sighed, wrapping my arms around my knees.He would be here soon: Thaddeus.
A bubble of anger suddenly rose up inside of me and I yelled, slamming my bad fist on the floor. I kept slamming it and slamming it, distantly aware that it ached , but I didn't care. I wanted the pain. I hit the floor for every lie. For every bruise and cut. I hit the floor for Stefan and the shadowguard and Lord Commodus's offer.
I hit the floor for my father.
And then I slid onto my side and curled up into a ball, my face hot and wet with tears, and was overwhelmed with exhaustion and pain.
I didn't know how long I'd been asleep. I absently reached for the necklace at my throat, then remembered that Myez had taken that, too. He had forgotten one thing: the little branch of Dragon's Breath berries was still in my boots. But a lot of help they were.
I sat up. I felt exceptionally weak, and my back and hips were stiff and aching. Stone was not meant for sleeping on, yet I slept on it more often than not these days. I clutched my left arm to my chest, glaring at the small, golden grid of light that taunted me above. Were Alex and Vera still in their cells? I had no idea, but certainly
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