Bound to Serve by Sullivan Clarke Page A

But even as she said the words the breath caught in her throat and she stifled a sob. As much as she loved Clifford, she loved the boys even more.  She could never abandon them; they would never understand. Harry was just able to trust again, and Colin’s sweet trusting nature – how could she survive a day without that sweet smile, those warm hugs.
    “I’ll stay,” she said into the mirror. “I’ll stay and let things unfold as they will. If he finds love then that is good for him and the boys. Better I be unhappy than then, and would not their happiness be a bright spark in my heart?”
    She told herself she was being selfish to even want more, and that she was lucky to even be here. After all, some others had not even survived the journey to this land. She told herself that she would be, could be a good servant and a good nursemaid. And she told herself that she would too would eventually find love, just not with the man she wanted more than anything on earth.
     
     
     

Chapter Nine
     
     
    Clifford Harker purposefully avoided Elspeth the next day. For her part, she was not surprised or hurt. She knew the kiss they shared had confused him, and possibly filled him with guilt as well. He was not over the death of his wife, after all, and as long as she remained a presence in the house any affection he showed another woman – no matter how small – would seem like a betrayal.
    In a way, Elspeth felt guilty herself. She was falling in love with Clifford, even as she urged his dead’s wife children to remember and talk about their mother. She knew that Harry and Colin were both young enough to accept her as a stepmother, and would grow to love her as Caroline’s replacement should the impossible happen and she marry the man she called master. But to even love their father was, Elspeth believed, a type of active magic that could make him love her in return. So even as she encouraged the boys to honor Caroline, she worked her wiles on the dead woman’s mate.
    She knew this, and acknowledged it, not as something wrong or sinful but as fact. There was, after all, no way to fall out of love. The best she could do would be to remember her place and not encourage her feelings or envision them going anywhere beyond that once kiss and the occasional longing glance she could feel from him, even if she did not see it directly.
    Clifford brought a book to dinner, which he pretended to read so he could avoid eye contact or conversation with Elspeth as she dutifully served and then ate with the family. She did not press him, nor did she try to engage him even marginally. Instead she chatted with the boys about their day and about what they would do on the next.
    “We could go down to the pond,” Colin offered. “It’s nearly iced.”
    “Not enough,” Harry said wisely. “Papa says it won’t be ready for skating for a month yet.
    “Then that settles that,” Elspeth said. “If you’d like come this Sunday after church we’ll walk down and check its progress.”
    “Not this Sunday.”
    All looked up at the sound of Clifford’s voice.
    “There’s a dinner at the church after services,” he announced. “We will be attending.”
    He looked at Elspeth. “All of us.”
    She said nothing, only nodded. Part of her was surprised, as she thought Clifford would seek to distance himself from her in the wake of their kiss.
    “He just needs me there to mind the children,” she said to balance her childish dreams against reality. “He’ll want to socialize, meet people. He needs someone to watch the boys as he does that, and that is all.”
    He said nothing more to her after breakfast other than to tell her he would be in his study and did not want to be disturbed unless there was an emergency or a caller. As luck would have it, though, a visitor did come to call just before noon.
    It was Reverend Habersham’s wife. Beside her was a tall pretty young woman in a traveling cloak and bonnet.
    “Mrs. Habersham.”