Born Hard Again: Book Three of the Future Remembered Chronicles by Bo Unce Page B

on our own.  I reminisced fondly back to when we first moved in, when Marcus had told Alphonso to eat a dicktoe.  I smiled sadly to myself.  Those blissful moments were just distant memories because now his baby momma was ruining our vibe.
    "Marcus, I think we need to talk," I said.
    "Whateva' you need ta say, just say dat shit.  My fam'ly can hurr whateva' I hurr," Koochy replied.
    "Well that's what I want to talk about."  I struggled to find the words to tell my friend.  "This situation...  I can't handle it.  She has to go," I blurted.
    "Fuck you, P!  She my baby momma!  I lo--" Koochy started, then chose another word.  "I lik--"  He tried again.  "She aiigh--  Damn!  She uhh.  She be there.  Ay, you cain't talk shit, you fucked yo' own momma!"
    "Yeah, but I wouldn't fuck THAT with Alphonso's dick!" I yelled back.
    Alphonso stirred at the sound of his name, then groggily opened his eyes.  "Aaaahhh!  What the hell is that?!  Oh.  Oh, hi Yvonne," he finished, mumbling.
    "Look at her!" I exhorted, continuing my tirade to Marcus.  "Why is she wearing a tank top?  It looks like a tent and it still doesn't cover her gut.  She has like six armpits!  She has extra tits on her back.  Her stomach and belly button look like my ass when I'm taking a shit!"
    Koochy moved his not-even-attached jaw as if he were going to say something, and then looked at Yvonne and reconsidered.
    "You're just perpetrating patriarchal standards of beauty," Yvonne blathered.  "Someone big boned like me would of starved to death if I didn't --"
    "What did you say?" I interrupted her.
    "I would of starved to --" she repeated.
    I cut her off again.  "You idiot.  It's 'would've', not 'would of'," I clarified.  "Have you never read a book?"
    "Well, mister, that's what I said.  'Would of'!  Who are you to say you know what's right, anyway?" Yvonne said contemptuously.  "Are you a doctor?  Hmm?  Are you?  No.  I don't even know you.  You're just some guy who lives with Marcus.  A short guy.  I would never date a short guy, you couldn't handle this sexy bod anyway.  And your just mean."
    "What?"
    "Your mean!" she repeated dumbly.
    "My mean what?  You're an idiot!" I hollered.  "Oh wait, let me rephrase that, your an idiot."
    "You just said that.  Whose the dumb won now?" Yvonne laughed.
    "I...  I can't deal with this," I sighed.  We needed to get some power and bandwidth and get back to TK and all of this wasn't helping.  If Felix had planned this stealth attack on our effectiveness by sending Yvonne here, it was a brutally damaging ploy.  The hackmaster was always the puppeteer behind the scenes.  Felix's fingers were in everybody's pie, it seemed.  But soon, I thought... soon my dicktoes would be in his pie-hole for a change.
    "Koochy let's go find another house," I proposed.  "One that's not destroyed by ice slugs and then short-circuited by a clueless guy who has no friends."
    "Yeah!" Alphonso added.
    "Unngh, son!  Ay Yvonne, dat's a nice scooter you got thurr.  Got dat towin' capacity.  Muffuckin' torque like wha?  Hook dat shit up to the whip outside!  Den we be havin' tree fat ass white bitches pullin', not just two!"
    "Bluuhhhh," said Junior.
    "Dinny, you funny," Yvonne said, in an accent that mimicked her rediscovered ex. 
    "Girl, I ain't kiddin'.  Get yo' ass out dere an' work it!" he commanded her.  She blushed in return.
    I rolled my eyes.  Great.  Now I had two Koochys to deal with.  And one of them had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. 
    "Come on, you guys.  I want to get out of this suit,"  I looked through the window.  "I see a big commercial dock-looking-thing over there."
    "Ahh, hell yeah, my boy!  Dey prolly got some damn sat-lite network shizz and one a dem power cores as a backup... fo' I smack up!  Kid!  Unnnghh," Koochy's repulsively decaying form waltzed around in front of me as he sang his street slang.
    Our most bizarre troupe departed the decimated mansion and slowly