Bones Would Rain from the Sky: Deepening Our Relationships with Dogs by Suzanne Clothier Page A

abuse (though an argument could
be made that a failure to train a dog so that he can
act appropriately is precisely a form of
neglect and abuse). If we fail to develop a
high quality of connection with our dogs, we
may fail them in the most terrible of ways, and they
may pay for our failure with their lives. Whether
we care to admit it or not, we reveal a good deal
about our relationships with our dogs in the simple act
of walking together. Do we excuse our dogs"
behavior? Ignore them? Helplessly allow ourselves
to be towed along like so much baggage? Are we really
with them as we walk along, attentive to their comments and
interests, ready to help or defend or reassure
them as needed? Trainer Sherry Holm has a
lovely way of looking at the simple act of
walking with a dog: Is there a balance between dog and
person, or is the energy flowing too heavily in one
direction? Pulling on lead, at a very fundamental
level, is an exchange of energy. When two are
moving together in harmony, there is a balance that gently
sways back and forth across the two. Moving together
toward a common goal or with a mutual purpose,
there is no pull of energy one way or the other.
Imagine that everywhere you went with a human friend, you had
To hold his hand and he yours. Now imagine that at every
step, he was pulling hard. Would you want to go for walks with such a
friend? What we would say to such a friend is this:
    Why can't you just be with me?
Just walk nicely here, by my side, and we'll go
together.
Consider how the connection with your dog feels. Do you
feel as if you are being towed? As if you must struggle
to guide or direct the dog? Does the thought of
walking with your dog bring up feelings of joy or is
there some frustration? It is considerably annoying
to walk with a constant struggle, and few of us like having
our arm pulled (sometimes quite hard) by our canine friends.
Yet with our dogs, we may think that saying "Just
walk nicely by my side" is not possible, or
even if we wish it were, we don't know how to say
it. If we view the leash as merely a restraint that
keeps the dog safe, we may view pulling on the
lead as the end product of the conflict between what the
dog wants to do and what the leash allows him to do.
We resign ourselves to the struggle, never realizing that
it is not necessary, unaware that we are perhaps undermining the very
quality of our relationship.
    Pulling on lead is, for me, a fundamental
issue that both reflects on and affects the
dogs to human relationship on many levels.
Looked at within the context of the overall relationship,
pulling on lead reveals disturbances in the quality
of attention given and received at both ends of the lead and
says something about the degree of togetherness at work between
dog and handler. I do not know anyone who enjoys being
pulled around by a dog. While dogs do pull, I
doubt that they find the experience enjoyable-it's hard
to believe that being gagged and choked is enjoyable. But
lacking our perspective and our ability to change the
situation, they may believe it is an inescapable
part of being on leash, especially since we most
obligingly play our part.
It takes two to tango, and it takes two
to pull. A frustrated student once told me that
her dog always pulled, no matter what. Unable
to resist such an opening, I sweetly asked,
"Always? No matter what?"
She nodded vigorously. "No matter what! It
drives me crazy." When I asked if the dog
pulled even when he was off leash and running around in
her yard, she looked at me with disgust. "Of course
he doesn't pull then." So then I persisted, he
only pulls when he's on lead. What if you
drop the lead? Does he still pull? Now a bit
annoyed by this line of questioning, she answered
sharply, "Of course not. I have to be holding the
leash." She stopped as the realization hit her that in
order for her dog to pull, he had to have something or
someone to pull