the valley below and my victim’s moribund property unlovely in the waning sun. I shivered.
And then Primrose said briskly, ‘Yes, Francis, I grant you – some whopping chance … Now, let’s go back to the inn, find Nicholas and get a bottle of whisky out of the car.’ I nodded, whistled Bouncer, and we set off back to the village.
14
The Dog’s Diary
Well, I tell you, it’s all happening now! Talk about Bouncer the Bold, I’m having no end of adventures! You should have seen the cat’s face when we finally met after he had escaped from the car. Looked as if he had been eating lemons smeared in castor oil.
‘Bah,’ he said, ‘trust you to get here, muzzling in on everything! Why aren’t you with the Watkins? Borrowed a magic carpet, I suppose.’
I explained that as a matter of fact I had made a small error of judgement which had involved some dog biscuits, and that sometimes mistakes lead to good endings.
‘Oh yes,’ he said, ‘what good endings?’
‘Such as seeing you again, Maurice!’ And I gave my best friendly bark.
There was a long silence while he flattened his ears and closed his eyes. Then he opened them, and do you know what he said? He said, ‘You are most welcome, Bouncer. Things are not good with the vicar and we must guard him closely.’ I thought that was pretty good, and I told him he could rely on me all right and would he like to see the way I dealt with rabbits? He said he didn’t think that would be necessary but it would be most helpful if I just lay very quietly on the back seat and kept an eye on F.O. So that’s what I did.
And then of course there was all that business on our first night in that big place with lots of doors and where the vicar was so windy when he took me up to his room. That’s where the cat sneaked downstairs to the pantry and overheard those types talking and was chucked off the window sill. He wasn’t half in a bait when he came back to the room. Spitting and hissing all over the shop – and you should have heard some of his words! I thought knew a few like that, but they’re not a patch on Maurice’s … I suppose that’s what education does for you. He spent the whole night under the bed planning how to get his own back. But I told him that I thought that was pretty useless because we probably wouldn’t see them again and he’d miss the chance. That didn’t go down too well and he went into another sulk.
Still, he’s all right now because we are at this new place high in the mountains, and there’s a table right in the sun where he’s allowed to lie, and he’s given special pilchards by a chap called George behind the bar who he approves of. They spend a lot of time talking to each other – which is odd for Maurice as he generally ignores most humans. Unless he doesn’t like them of course – and then they know it!
But I’ve found a friend too. He’s called Clemso and he’s like a brown woolly horse only shorter. Do you know, he’s got this collar which plays music . How about that! I wouldn’t mind having one of those, but I don’t suppose I ever will … Still, can’t have everything. After all, there’s always the cat and F.O.
And talking of F.O., he’s stewing up again. Got a bee in his bonnet about those two types. Thinks they’re out to get him … Though come to think of it, he often feels that about people. There’s that bishop person, the Mavis woman, the organist, fat Crumplehorn, the Brighton Type, the whole of the Mothers’ Union, Violet Pond before Crumple did her in – oh, and lots of others. It must be pretty tiring if you ask me. A bit like always being on the run after you’ve been caught raiding Miss Dalrymple’s dustbin – great hoofs bearing down on you …
15
The Vicar’s Version
That evening, over a rustic supper of robust ham and vigorous wine, Ingaza gave me my instructions. The following afternoon I was to take his car, drive to the local railway station and
And then Primrose said briskly, ‘Yes, Francis, I grant you – some whopping chance … Now, let’s go back to the inn, find Nicholas and get a bottle of whisky out of the car.’ I nodded, whistled Bouncer, and we set off back to the village.
14
The Dog’s Diary
Well, I tell you, it’s all happening now! Talk about Bouncer the Bold, I’m having no end of adventures! You should have seen the cat’s face when we finally met after he had escaped from the car. Looked as if he had been eating lemons smeared in castor oil.
‘Bah,’ he said, ‘trust you to get here, muzzling in on everything! Why aren’t you with the Watkins? Borrowed a magic carpet, I suppose.’
I explained that as a matter of fact I had made a small error of judgement which had involved some dog biscuits, and that sometimes mistakes lead to good endings.
‘Oh yes,’ he said, ‘what good endings?’
‘Such as seeing you again, Maurice!’ And I gave my best friendly bark.
There was a long silence while he flattened his ears and closed his eyes. Then he opened them, and do you know what he said? He said, ‘You are most welcome, Bouncer. Things are not good with the vicar and we must guard him closely.’ I thought that was pretty good, and I told him he could rely on me all right and would he like to see the way I dealt with rabbits? He said he didn’t think that would be necessary but it would be most helpful if I just lay very quietly on the back seat and kept an eye on F.O. So that’s what I did.
And then of course there was all that business on our first night in that big place with lots of doors and where the vicar was so windy when he took me up to his room. That’s where the cat sneaked downstairs to the pantry and overheard those types talking and was chucked off the window sill. He wasn’t half in a bait when he came back to the room. Spitting and hissing all over the shop – and you should have heard some of his words! I thought knew a few like that, but they’re not a patch on Maurice’s … I suppose that’s what education does for you. He spent the whole night under the bed planning how to get his own back. But I told him that I thought that was pretty useless because we probably wouldn’t see them again and he’d miss the chance. That didn’t go down too well and he went into another sulk.
Still, he’s all right now because we are at this new place high in the mountains, and there’s a table right in the sun where he’s allowed to lie, and he’s given special pilchards by a chap called George behind the bar who he approves of. They spend a lot of time talking to each other – which is odd for Maurice as he generally ignores most humans. Unless he doesn’t like them of course – and then they know it!
But I’ve found a friend too. He’s called Clemso and he’s like a brown woolly horse only shorter. Do you know, he’s got this collar which plays music . How about that! I wouldn’t mind having one of those, but I don’t suppose I ever will … Still, can’t have everything. After all, there’s always the cat and F.O.
And talking of F.O., he’s stewing up again. Got a bee in his bonnet about those two types. Thinks they’re out to get him … Though come to think of it, he often feels that about people. There’s that bishop person, the Mavis woman, the organist, fat Crumplehorn, the Brighton Type, the whole of the Mothers’ Union, Violet Pond before Crumple did her in – oh, and lots of others. It must be pretty tiring if you ask me. A bit like always being on the run after you’ve been caught raiding Miss Dalrymple’s dustbin – great hoofs bearing down on you …
15
The Vicar’s Version
That evening, over a rustic supper of robust ham and vigorous wine, Ingaza gave me my instructions. The following afternoon I was to take his car, drive to the local railway station and
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