he did know. But he felt no anger toward
her. Only pity. For both of them.
“Celine, please, you don’t understand. I… things have changed.”
“Well, they’ve changed here too, Ryan,” she said with more strength now. She was realizing that his coming home would threaten
whatever life she’d built up around herself in Austin. “You can’t just waltz in here as if nothing’s changed.”
“You’re right, you’re so right. I…” He grasped for the words to tell her, but it was all bottled up by years of silence.
So he said the one thing most rehearsed since his debriefing yesterday.
“I love you, Celine.”
“No.” Her voice cut through his veins. “You just can’t come begging on your knees after all this time. And the truth is, Ryan,
I’m not sure I want us to be together any longer. I know that may sound cruel at a time like this, and I’m sorry for what
you’ve been through, but we have to face the truth about each other.”
“You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
“And you don’t know what I’ve been through for all of these years. I don’t think you love me. In fact I’m sure of it. I don’t
even think you like me.”
“Celine, please, you can’t say that!” But she could.
“The fact is, you’ve never really wanted to be with me.”
And he knew that she was really saying she didn’t love him, that she didn’t want to be with him, but by putting it on his
shoulders she was absolving herself of any guilt in her admission.
Ryan sat back in his metal chair, gut punched. It was going all wrong. She didn’t understand. Once she understood, she would
change her mind. He’d brought this on himself, now he had to work his way through it. He couldn’t really blame her.
“I’m coming home, Celine. Please, I’ll be home in five days. We’ll talk then; I can explain everything. We’ll work this out,
okay?”
“You don’t understand, Ryan. I don’t want to work this out. Are you listening to me?”
“Bethany—”
“Don’t even talk about Bethany! You left her a long time ago.”
His world swam. She
couldn’t
understand.
“It’s over,” Celine said. “You have to understand that, Ryan. This time it’s finished. I want a divorce.”
He finally found his breath. “Please… please, Celine, you don’t understand.”
“I understand that I can be loved by someone who actually loves me with more than just a paycheck.”
Her words were like blades, and Ryan tried to accept the pain they brought him. He’d beat Kahlid, hadn’t he? He would beat
Celine.
He would win back her love.
He would win back Bethany’s love.
“Good-bye, Ryan.”
Thoughts of his daughter brought with them a searing pain that began to shut down his mind. The shakes were returning, and
that couldn’t be a good thing, not here in front of all these officers. He had to gain some control of himself.
He would win back Bethany’s love if it was the last thing he did.
It occurred to him that the phone was silent.
“Celine?”
But Celine had hung up.
11
PATTY RHODES STOOD taller than Bethany by several inches, all skin and bones and legs. Gangly, she called herself, and although
Bethany always shut up her rants of self-pity, she didn’t disagree. Not that Patty was ugly by a long shot. She was just developing.
Braces, long stringy brown hair, a few hard-fought pimples, no chest—what could she say? Not ugly at all, but not the girl
she wanted to be.
That would be Bethany, the girl with straight teeth, long flowing hair, and skin as clear as the day she turned six. Oddly
enough, Bethany didn’t really want to be Bethany.
They walked down Barton Creek Boulevard toward the Saint Michael’s campus around the next bend, Patty with a copy of
Youth Nation
stuck in her face.
“You’re going to fall over, reading that trash,” Bethany said.
Patty flipped a page. “You know, not all the girls in here look like they belong. Check her out.” She
her. Only pity. For both of them.
“Celine, please, you don’t understand. I… things have changed.”
“Well, they’ve changed here too, Ryan,” she said with more strength now. She was realizing that his coming home would threaten
whatever life she’d built up around herself in Austin. “You can’t just waltz in here as if nothing’s changed.”
“You’re right, you’re so right. I…” He grasped for the words to tell her, but it was all bottled up by years of silence.
So he said the one thing most rehearsed since his debriefing yesterday.
“I love you, Celine.”
“No.” Her voice cut through his veins. “You just can’t come begging on your knees after all this time. And the truth is, Ryan,
I’m not sure I want us to be together any longer. I know that may sound cruel at a time like this, and I’m sorry for what
you’ve been through, but we have to face the truth about each other.”
“You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
“And you don’t know what I’ve been through for all of these years. I don’t think you love me. In fact I’m sure of it. I don’t
even think you like me.”
“Celine, please, you can’t say that!” But she could.
“The fact is, you’ve never really wanted to be with me.”
And he knew that she was really saying she didn’t love him, that she didn’t want to be with him, but by putting it on his
shoulders she was absolving herself of any guilt in her admission.
Ryan sat back in his metal chair, gut punched. It was going all wrong. She didn’t understand. Once she understood, she would
change her mind. He’d brought this on himself, now he had to work his way through it. He couldn’t really blame her.
“I’m coming home, Celine. Please, I’ll be home in five days. We’ll talk then; I can explain everything. We’ll work this out,
okay?”
“You don’t understand, Ryan. I don’t want to work this out. Are you listening to me?”
“Bethany—”
“Don’t even talk about Bethany! You left her a long time ago.”
His world swam. She
couldn’t
understand.
“It’s over,” Celine said. “You have to understand that, Ryan. This time it’s finished. I want a divorce.”
He finally found his breath. “Please… please, Celine, you don’t understand.”
“I understand that I can be loved by someone who actually loves me with more than just a paycheck.”
Her words were like blades, and Ryan tried to accept the pain they brought him. He’d beat Kahlid, hadn’t he? He would beat
Celine.
He would win back her love.
He would win back Bethany’s love.
“Good-bye, Ryan.”
Thoughts of his daughter brought with them a searing pain that began to shut down his mind. The shakes were returning, and
that couldn’t be a good thing, not here in front of all these officers. He had to gain some control of himself.
He would win back Bethany’s love if it was the last thing he did.
It occurred to him that the phone was silent.
“Celine?”
But Celine had hung up.
11
PATTY RHODES STOOD taller than Bethany by several inches, all skin and bones and legs. Gangly, she called herself, and although
Bethany always shut up her rants of self-pity, she didn’t disagree. Not that Patty was ugly by a long shot. She was just developing.
Braces, long stringy brown hair, a few hard-fought pimples, no chest—what could she say? Not ugly at all, but not the girl
she wanted to be.
That would be Bethany, the girl with straight teeth, long flowing hair, and skin as clear as the day she turned six. Oddly
enough, Bethany didn’t really want to be Bethany.
They walked down Barton Creek Boulevard toward the Saint Michael’s campus around the next bend, Patty with a copy of
Youth Nation
stuck in her face.
“You’re going to fall over, reading that trash,” Bethany said.
Patty flipped a page. “You know, not all the girls in here look like they belong. Check her out.” She
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