She was about to hurt him, but there was no other way.
“At dawn I want you to take me to the edge of the swamp. I can’t stay here any longer.”
She buried her face in her hands and as she did, she felt him climb over her and leave the bed. She heard his clothing rustle.
“I understand,” he said. There was a new hardness to his tone, one she had not heard him use before. She looked up and saw the fury on his face, but more than that, the hurt and betrayal.
“Noah, you don’t understand at all.”
He nodded. “Oh, but I do. You didn’t mean to make love to a one-eyed half-breed. Now you’re sorry.” He turned around and tied the waistband of his pants.
“That’s not true,” she cried. “That’s not the way of it at all. I don’t think of you that way.”
A cold, silent tension filled the air until he turned around again. “Don’t worry, Olivia. It was nothing to me either.”
She stood up and went to him, trying to grab his sleeve, but he jerked his arm away. “Don’t say that, please. I know you wanted me and I wanted
you
, Noah, truly I did, and it was beautiful. But I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for things to go that far.”
She clasped her hands together, then pulled them apart, trying to put her feelings into words. “I’m not worthy of a man like you.”
He laughed, but there was a hollow, bitter ring to it.
“Really, Noah, you have no idea. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone with a clear conscience, someone with an unblemished soul.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Because you don’t know me or what I have done. I have to find my family, Noah. I have to find out what happened to them. I have a past, Noah. I have much to settle inside myself, and it wouldn’t be fair to drag you into any of this.”
“What if you don’t find them?”
She took a deep breath. The same question had entered her mind and given her pause often enough. Beyond finding her family, she had no future.
“I honestly don’t know what I’ll do then. I just know that we can’t be together. Things are not that simple, Noah.”
“Why not?”
“Because of where I’ve been and what I’ve done. If you knew, you would never want me again.”
“Tell me.”
“I’m too ashamed.”
“What are you saying, Olivia?”
She shook her head. “I’m asking you to let me go, Noah. Take me to the edge of the swamp and let me go.”
“I can’t do that. Not until I know why.”
He stared down at her, solid and immovable, his arms folded across his chest. There was no hunger in his eyes now, only anger and betrayal, but most of all confusion.
He had taken her in and shown her only kindness and respect. She had done this to him, tempted him beyond reason, drawn him into her arms, into her body—and used him in a frantic, misguided effort to heal herself. She had succeeded in hurting him, her savior, the one man who had shown her only kindness.
Sick at heart, empty inside, she walked back to the bed and sat down. There was no going back or denying what had just passed between them, not with the scent of their lovemaking still heavy in the air. The sheets were tangled. The intensity of her release still pulsed faintly at her core.
Wrapping her arms around her midriff, Olivia hugged herself and rocked back and forth, cursing Darcy Lankanal for what he had made her. He had taught her too long and too well. She was as dirty as he was now, her blood just as hot, her soul just as tainted.
She shoved her hand through her hair, pushing it back off her face. She sighed. “Sit down, Noah. It’s a long story and not a pretty one.”
• • •
Olivia lost herself in the telling, becoming caught up in it so much that it was as if she had slipped back in time, over a year, to that very day on the Ohio River.
It was a beautiful, terrible day. The little boys, her half-brothers, had needed her constant attention. They were understandably restless and
“At dawn I want you to take me to the edge of the swamp. I can’t stay here any longer.”
She buried her face in her hands and as she did, she felt him climb over her and leave the bed. She heard his clothing rustle.
“I understand,” he said. There was a new hardness to his tone, one she had not heard him use before. She looked up and saw the fury on his face, but more than that, the hurt and betrayal.
“Noah, you don’t understand at all.”
He nodded. “Oh, but I do. You didn’t mean to make love to a one-eyed half-breed. Now you’re sorry.” He turned around and tied the waistband of his pants.
“That’s not true,” she cried. “That’s not the way of it at all. I don’t think of you that way.”
A cold, silent tension filled the air until he turned around again. “Don’t worry, Olivia. It was nothing to me either.”
She stood up and went to him, trying to grab his sleeve, but he jerked his arm away. “Don’t say that, please. I know you wanted me and I wanted
you
, Noah, truly I did, and it was beautiful. But I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for things to go that far.”
She clasped her hands together, then pulled them apart, trying to put her feelings into words. “I’m not worthy of a man like you.”
He laughed, but there was a hollow, bitter ring to it.
“Really, Noah, you have no idea. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone with a clear conscience, someone with an unblemished soul.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Because you don’t know me or what I have done. I have to find my family, Noah. I have to find out what happened to them. I have a past, Noah. I have much to settle inside myself, and it wouldn’t be fair to drag you into any of this.”
“What if you don’t find them?”
She took a deep breath. The same question had entered her mind and given her pause often enough. Beyond finding her family, she had no future.
“I honestly don’t know what I’ll do then. I just know that we can’t be together. Things are not that simple, Noah.”
“Why not?”
“Because of where I’ve been and what I’ve done. If you knew, you would never want me again.”
“Tell me.”
“I’m too ashamed.”
“What are you saying, Olivia?”
She shook her head. “I’m asking you to let me go, Noah. Take me to the edge of the swamp and let me go.”
“I can’t do that. Not until I know why.”
He stared down at her, solid and immovable, his arms folded across his chest. There was no hunger in his eyes now, only anger and betrayal, but most of all confusion.
He had taken her in and shown her only kindness and respect. She had done this to him, tempted him beyond reason, drawn him into her arms, into her body—and used him in a frantic, misguided effort to heal herself. She had succeeded in hurting him, her savior, the one man who had shown her only kindness.
Sick at heart, empty inside, she walked back to the bed and sat down. There was no going back or denying what had just passed between them, not with the scent of their lovemaking still heavy in the air. The sheets were tangled. The intensity of her release still pulsed faintly at her core.
Wrapping her arms around her midriff, Olivia hugged herself and rocked back and forth, cursing Darcy Lankanal for what he had made her. He had taught her too long and too well. She was as dirty as he was now, her blood just as hot, her soul just as tainted.
She shoved her hand through her hair, pushing it back off her face. She sighed. “Sit down, Noah. It’s a long story and not a pretty one.”
• • •
Olivia lost herself in the telling, becoming caught up in it so much that it was as if she had slipped back in time, over a year, to that very day on the Ohio River.
It was a beautiful, terrible day. The little boys, her half-brothers, had needed her constant attention. They were understandably restless and
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