Blott On The Landscape

Blott On The Landscape by Tom Sharpe Page B

Book: Blott On The Landscape by Tom Sharpe Read Free Book Online
Authors: Tom Sharpe
Tags: Humor
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It’s been done before all right. But it’s too risky. What if he goes to the police?”
    “Nothing ventured nothing gained,” said Hoskins. “In any case there would be no indication where it came from. My bet is he’d take the bait.”
    “If he didn’t we would have lost him. No, it’s got to be something foolproof.”
    They sat in silence and considered a suitably compromising future for Dundridge.
    “Ambitious would you say?” Sir Giles asked finally. Hoskins nodded.
    “Very.”
    “Know any queers?”
    “In Worford? You’ve got to be joking,” said Hoskins.
    “Anywhere.”
    Hoskins shook his head. “If you’re thinking what I’m thinking …”
    “I am.”
    “Photos?”
    “Photos,” Sir Giles agreed. “Nice compromising photos.”
    Hoskins gave the matter some thought. “There’s Bessie Williams,” he said. “Used to be a model, if you know what I mean. Married a photographer in Bridgeminster. She’d do it if the money was right.” He smiled reminiscently. “I can have a word with her.”
    “You do that,” said Sir Giles. “I’ll pay up to five hundred for a decent set of photos.”
    “Leave it to me,” Hoskins told him. “Now then, about the cash.”
    By the time Sir Giles left the Golf Club the matter was fixed. He drove home in a haze of whisky. “The stick first and then the carrot,” he muttered. Tomorrow he would go to London and visit Mrs Forthby. It was just as well to be out of the way when things happened.

Chapter 11
    Dundridge spent the following morning at the Regional Planning Board with Hoskins poring over maps and discussing the tunnel. He was rather surprised to find that Hoskins had undergone a change of heart about the project and seemed to favour it. “It’s a brilliant idea. Pity we didn’t think of it before. Would have saved no end of trouble,” he said, and while Dundridge was flattered he wasn’t so sure. He had begun to have doubts about the feasibility of a tunnel. The Ministry wouldn’t exactly like the cost, the delay would be considerable and there was still Lord Leakham to be persuaded. “You don’t think we could find an alternative route,” he asked but Hoskins shook his head.
    “It’s either the Cleene Gorge or Ottertown or your tunnel.” Dundridge, studying the maps, had to concede that there wasn’t any other route. The Cleene Hills stretched unbroken save for the Gorge from Worford to Ottertown.
    “Ridiculous fuss people make about a bit of forest,” Dundridge complained. “Just trees. What’s so special about trees?”
    They had lunch at a restaurant in River Street. At the next table a couple in their thirties seemed to find Dundridge quite fascinating and more than once Dundridge looked up to find the woman looking at him with a quiet smile. She was rather attractive, with almond eyes.
    In the afternoon Hoskins took him on a tour of the proposed route through Ottertown. They drove over and inspected the council houses and returned through Guildstead Carbonell, Hoskins stopping the car every now and again and insisting that they climb to the top of some hill to get a better view of the proposed route. By the time they got back to Worford Dundridge was exhausted. He was also rather drunk. They had stopped at several pubs along the way and, thanks to Hoskins’ insistence that pints were for men and that only boys drank halves – he put rather a nasty inflection on boys – Dundridge had consumed rather more Handyman Triple XXX than he was used to.
    “We’re having a little celebration party at the Golf Club tonight,” Hoskins said as they drove through the town gate. “If you’d care to come over …”
    “I think I’ll get an early night,” said Dundridge.
    “Pity,” Hoskins said. “You’d meet a number of influential local people. Doesn’t do to give the locals the idea you’re hoity-toity.”
    “Oh all right,” said Dundridge grudgingly. “I’ll have a bath and something to eat and see how I

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