was the high ceiling. How fucking big was I as a dragon? What was clearly my tail spasmed uncontrollably, and lashed out, seemingly of its own volition, smacking against a table and what sounded like a considerable amount of glass. I could feel the essence that was me already slipping away into a chasm far below, and my baser dragon instincts taking over.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This couldn’t happen. Not here. I wasn’t going to let it. I chanted in my head, telling myself in a repetitive mantra to stop. I opened my mouth to scream at everyone to get out, to stop staring and to turn and run. Suddenly I was aware of nothing but heat and flames pulling up through my body from somewhere deep within the pit of my stomach, forcing themselves through my intestines and up past my heart and into my throat. Then, everything went dark.
*
When I came to, I was lying curled up in a foetal position. Someone had draped something over me, but I still felt cold, and there was an acrid taste of burnt cinders in my mouth. Angry voices floated from all around me. It felt oddly like someone had been calling my name, as if to get me to wake up or pay attention, but it must have been my imagination. I pulled myself up into a sitting position, clutching what I realised was actually some kind of velvet throw to my body and, terrified of what I might see, carefully opened my eyes.
The overhead lights were on, making the entire club seem less like an opulent den for Otherworld joy seekers and more like a garishly seedy dive. Solus and Tarn were arguing about something from just a few feet away, and it sounded as if there were some more people down below. A hand reached out to my face, smoothing away my hair, and I blinked my eyes into focus. Tom.
“Hey,” he said, gently. “How are you feeling?”
Tears swam into my eyes. “How many people?”
He looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“How many people did I just kill, Tom?”
He smiled at me. “None.”
“How many people are hurt?”
“None.” His thumb carefully stroked over the bruise on my cheek. “Well,” he amended, “I think the barman might be eyebrow-less for a few weeks, but other than that, everyone’s fine.” He gazed at me in all seriousness. “You brought it back, Red. You shifted and apparently breathed fire down at the bar, but you brought it back. You were in control.”
Control? That’s what he called control? I transformed myself into a dragon in a humiliatingly public manner. I couldn’t have chosen a worst spot to lose all of my senses than if I’d stood in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. Despite my overwhelming relief that I had managed to avoid hurting anyone, all I could think about was how in the fuck it had happened in the first place.
I staggered to my feet, doing everything that I could to avoid the sickening lurch of lightheadedness. The two faeries immediately quieted, and Solus came running over.
“Why?” I croaked. “Why did I shift?”
Solus looked stricken. “I don’t know, dragonlette. Maybe the loss of blood?”
“My eyes were doing the fucking spooky glowing thing before that. Why now? Why today?”
I turned to Tom for help. “You’re a shifter. Help me out here.”
My old friend looked worried. “I don’t know, Red. It happens when it’s a full moon, you know that. We can’t control the urges and so we just spontaneously…” he shrugged, “shift.”
“It’s not a full moon. And that’s never happened to me before anyway.” I smiled sourly, hugging the soft throw tighter to me. “I don’t think us Draco Wyr work like that.”
“It can happen in times of huge stress. You know like when you were at the mages’ academy and that wraith showed up.”
“I’m not stressed.” I ran my tongue over my lips. “Not like I was then anyway.”
“Sometime younger girls can’t control their shifts when they get their periods. Betsy was like that for a while. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
I
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This couldn’t happen. Not here. I wasn’t going to let it. I chanted in my head, telling myself in a repetitive mantra to stop. I opened my mouth to scream at everyone to get out, to stop staring and to turn and run. Suddenly I was aware of nothing but heat and flames pulling up through my body from somewhere deep within the pit of my stomach, forcing themselves through my intestines and up past my heart and into my throat. Then, everything went dark.
*
When I came to, I was lying curled up in a foetal position. Someone had draped something over me, but I still felt cold, and there was an acrid taste of burnt cinders in my mouth. Angry voices floated from all around me. It felt oddly like someone had been calling my name, as if to get me to wake up or pay attention, but it must have been my imagination. I pulled myself up into a sitting position, clutching what I realised was actually some kind of velvet throw to my body and, terrified of what I might see, carefully opened my eyes.
The overhead lights were on, making the entire club seem less like an opulent den for Otherworld joy seekers and more like a garishly seedy dive. Solus and Tarn were arguing about something from just a few feet away, and it sounded as if there were some more people down below. A hand reached out to my face, smoothing away my hair, and I blinked my eyes into focus. Tom.
“Hey,” he said, gently. “How are you feeling?”
Tears swam into my eyes. “How many people?”
He looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“How many people did I just kill, Tom?”
He smiled at me. “None.”
“How many people are hurt?”
“None.” His thumb carefully stroked over the bruise on my cheek. “Well,” he amended, “I think the barman might be eyebrow-less for a few weeks, but other than that, everyone’s fine.” He gazed at me in all seriousness. “You brought it back, Red. You shifted and apparently breathed fire down at the bar, but you brought it back. You were in control.”
Control? That’s what he called control? I transformed myself into a dragon in a humiliatingly public manner. I couldn’t have chosen a worst spot to lose all of my senses than if I’d stood in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. Despite my overwhelming relief that I had managed to avoid hurting anyone, all I could think about was how in the fuck it had happened in the first place.
I staggered to my feet, doing everything that I could to avoid the sickening lurch of lightheadedness. The two faeries immediately quieted, and Solus came running over.
“Why?” I croaked. “Why did I shift?”
Solus looked stricken. “I don’t know, dragonlette. Maybe the loss of blood?”
“My eyes were doing the fucking spooky glowing thing before that. Why now? Why today?”
I turned to Tom for help. “You’re a shifter. Help me out here.”
My old friend looked worried. “I don’t know, Red. It happens when it’s a full moon, you know that. We can’t control the urges and so we just spontaneously…” he shrugged, “shift.”
“It’s not a full moon. And that’s never happened to me before anyway.” I smiled sourly, hugging the soft throw tighter to me. “I don’t think us Draco Wyr work like that.”
“It can happen in times of huge stress. You know like when you were at the mages’ academy and that wraith showed up.”
“I’m not stressed.” I ran my tongue over my lips. “Not like I was then anyway.”
“Sometime younger girls can’t control their shifts when they get their periods. Betsy was like that for a while. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
I
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