scrolling through the timelines of the dead, searching for the POVs of the real person in the ghosts of their digital personas.
@pweetychic_tk: Saturday, 23 June
11:15 | This is NOT a good morning. Dad is driving us to the #mortuary in Ikeja. We’re going to search for #Furo there!
12:21 | I just knew the place would be UGLY twitpic.com/bzT67oM #mortuary
12:27 | It STINKS inside!!!! twitpic.com/c4KnnIP #mortuary
12:33 | RT ‘@Nneka_Or: omg can this be Lagos?? RT @pweetychic_tk: It STINKS inside!!!! twitpic.com/c4KnnIP #mortuary’
12:33 | RT ‘@PrinceofmoJo: RT @infoeNGine: Lagos govt shuts down smelly #mortuary http://dlvr.it/2NLieR @pweetychic_tk’
13:03 | THOSE ARE DEAD PEOPLE!!! twitpic.com/bzs24bP #mortuary
13:05 | RT ‘@asiwajuayo: WTF! Naija should suffer a natural disaster! RT @pweetychic_tk: THOSE ARE DEAD PEOPLE!!! twitpic.com/bzs24bP #mortuary’
13:05 | RT ‘enugu2coventry: This is unspeakably shameful. RT @pweetychic_tk: THOSE ARE DEAD PEOPLE!!! twitpic.com/bzs24bP #mortuary’
13:06 | RT ‘@PrinceofmoJo: RT @punchonthenet: Rear Admiral’s missing daughter found in Lagos #mortuary http://dlvr.it/2NLtuM @pweetychic_tk’
13:33 | When I die I want to be cremated! On the same day! twitpic.com/ZvY80pQ #mortuary
13:48 | O_o RT ‘@gambianfaust: @pweetychic_tk My granny died & I wanted 2 keep a part of her with me. So after her cremation, I snorted the ashes.’
13:48 | RT ‘@MarkyMona: @pweetychic_tk Thx 4 raising awareness abt this prob. See the #mortuary they kept my father in! pic.twitter.com/rU1ogDtS’
14:07 | I just threw up a little in my mouth. Even dead people don’t deserve this. #mortuary
14:22 | RT ‘@PrinceofmoJo: RT @HMNews: Nigeria | Floods: #Mortuary Attendants Stack Corpses on Rooftops http://dlvr.it/2NLdG @pweetychic_tk’
14:26 | @PrinceofmoJo Stop tweeting those links at me you PERVERT!!!
14:27 | Apologies 2 my followers 4 the error, but please don’t RT or click on @PrinceofmoJo #mortuary links. They’re porn.
14:44 | RT ‘@asiwajuayo: Yay! @pweetychic_tk is the reason! RT @TrendsLagos: ‘mortuary’ is now trending in #Lagos: http://trendsmap.com/ng/lagos’
15:12 | Thanks ALL!!! My phone battery’s about to die, I have to go now. #mortuary
23:17 | OMG!!!!!! @DONJAZZY retweeted me!!!
When I’d learned enough about Furo’s story to be sure I was committed to following it to the end, I tweeted @pweetychic_tk. In remarkable time she had become a Twitter celeb, gathering seven times as many followers in a week as I had in four years, so I wasn’t certain she would respond to a Twitter lightweight like me. (Question: How did she get so many followers so fast? Answer: Check out the first page of the Google search for ‘get Twitter followers fast’. In other words, she did the work.) With this in mind – ‘this’ being my dread of getting rebuffed in public – I pondered on the approach most likely to succeed, at the same time studying her timeline for any clues that might help with my decision, which I indeed reached upon seeing a serendipitous tweet of hers. From meeting her brother I knew about our shared ethnicity, and so, to indicate to her that we had a connection deeper than Twitter esprit de corps , I greeted her in Kalabari before offering to buy her ice cream. Calculation always trumps sincerity on social media. Yet I must admit that when she not only replied my tweet but also accepted my offer, I was buffaloed.
@pweetychic_tk: Sunday, 24 June
07:33 | Good morning folks! Thanks for all the RTs & mentions yesterday!! #mortuary
07:33 | And happy Sunday to ALL my new followers! Have you seen my hashtag #Furo yet?
07:35 | So @DONJAZZY RTed me yesterday & my phone hasn’t stopped buzzing. #Thank you
08:45 | I’m off to church. Yes oh, I believe in all that bible stuff; o)
09:41 | I’m seriously craving ice cream. It’s all this hellfire talk I’m sure!
09:57 | Pastor finish soon oh so my Daddy can buy me ice cream LOL!
09:59 | TWITTER FIGHT
@pweetychic_tk: Saturday, 23 June
11:15 | This is NOT a good morning. Dad is driving us to the #mortuary in Ikeja. We’re going to search for #Furo there!
12:21 | I just knew the place would be UGLY twitpic.com/bzT67oM #mortuary
12:27 | It STINKS inside!!!! twitpic.com/c4KnnIP #mortuary
12:33 | RT ‘@Nneka_Or: omg can this be Lagos?? RT @pweetychic_tk: It STINKS inside!!!! twitpic.com/c4KnnIP #mortuary’
12:33 | RT ‘@PrinceofmoJo: RT @infoeNGine: Lagos govt shuts down smelly #mortuary http://dlvr.it/2NLieR @pweetychic_tk’
13:03 | THOSE ARE DEAD PEOPLE!!! twitpic.com/bzs24bP #mortuary
13:05 | RT ‘@asiwajuayo: WTF! Naija should suffer a natural disaster! RT @pweetychic_tk: THOSE ARE DEAD PEOPLE!!! twitpic.com/bzs24bP #mortuary’
13:05 | RT ‘enugu2coventry: This is unspeakably shameful. RT @pweetychic_tk: THOSE ARE DEAD PEOPLE!!! twitpic.com/bzs24bP #mortuary’
13:06 | RT ‘@PrinceofmoJo: RT @punchonthenet: Rear Admiral’s missing daughter found in Lagos #mortuary http://dlvr.it/2NLtuM @pweetychic_tk’
13:33 | When I die I want to be cremated! On the same day! twitpic.com/ZvY80pQ #mortuary
13:48 | O_o RT ‘@gambianfaust: @pweetychic_tk My granny died & I wanted 2 keep a part of her with me. So after her cremation, I snorted the ashes.’
13:48 | RT ‘@MarkyMona: @pweetychic_tk Thx 4 raising awareness abt this prob. See the #mortuary they kept my father in! pic.twitter.com/rU1ogDtS’
14:07 | I just threw up a little in my mouth. Even dead people don’t deserve this. #mortuary
14:22 | RT ‘@PrinceofmoJo: RT @HMNews: Nigeria | Floods: #Mortuary Attendants Stack Corpses on Rooftops http://dlvr.it/2NLdG @pweetychic_tk’
14:26 | @PrinceofmoJo Stop tweeting those links at me you PERVERT!!!
14:27 | Apologies 2 my followers 4 the error, but please don’t RT or click on @PrinceofmoJo #mortuary links. They’re porn.
14:44 | RT ‘@asiwajuayo: Yay! @pweetychic_tk is the reason! RT @TrendsLagos: ‘mortuary’ is now trending in #Lagos: http://trendsmap.com/ng/lagos’
15:12 | Thanks ALL!!! My phone battery’s about to die, I have to go now. #mortuary
23:17 | OMG!!!!!! @DONJAZZY retweeted me!!!
When I’d learned enough about Furo’s story to be sure I was committed to following it to the end, I tweeted @pweetychic_tk. In remarkable time she had become a Twitter celeb, gathering seven times as many followers in a week as I had in four years, so I wasn’t certain she would respond to a Twitter lightweight like me. (Question: How did she get so many followers so fast? Answer: Check out the first page of the Google search for ‘get Twitter followers fast’. In other words, she did the work.) With this in mind – ‘this’ being my dread of getting rebuffed in public – I pondered on the approach most likely to succeed, at the same time studying her timeline for any clues that might help with my decision, which I indeed reached upon seeing a serendipitous tweet of hers. From meeting her brother I knew about our shared ethnicity, and so, to indicate to her that we had a connection deeper than Twitter esprit de corps , I greeted her in Kalabari before offering to buy her ice cream. Calculation always trumps sincerity on social media. Yet I must admit that when she not only replied my tweet but also accepted my offer, I was buffaloed.
@pweetychic_tk: Sunday, 24 June
07:33 | Good morning folks! Thanks for all the RTs & mentions yesterday!! #mortuary
07:33 | And happy Sunday to ALL my new followers! Have you seen my hashtag #Furo yet?
07:35 | So @DONJAZZY RTed me yesterday & my phone hasn’t stopped buzzing. #Thank you
08:45 | I’m off to church. Yes oh, I believe in all that bible stuff; o)
09:41 | I’m seriously craving ice cream. It’s all this hellfire talk I’m sure!
09:57 | Pastor finish soon oh so my Daddy can buy me ice cream LOL!
09:59 | TWITTER FIGHT
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