public when I hang out with Sky and them anymore. Remembering that day in the car was enough for me to put my foot down with him.
~~~~
"Parade, don't think you're cute just 'cuz you got that shit in your head. You ain't no better than nobody else. Trust me. Who paid for it anyway?"
"Why, Mamma?"
"'Cuz bills are due 'round here, that's why. And, if you got money to pay for your hair, you got money to pitch in."
"Mamma, the bills were still gonna be due even if I didn't get my hair done," I tell her as I walk toward my room, hoping and praying she won't follow me.
"Parade, nothing in here is free. You got to pay your way around here."
"With what, Mamma? I ain't got no job!" I yell.
"With the same money you used to get your hair done. It was a waste of time anyway. It doesn't even look real."
"Okay, Mamma. Is that why you're mad?"
"Is that what you think, Parade?" she says as she put her hands on her hips. "Anybody can put some shit in their hair, darling. Why do you think it was so easy for you to do it?"
"Mamma, why do you have to bring me down all T. Styles
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the time? Why can't we get along? I love you but I wonder if you ever loved me." I look in her eyes, searching for anything that would convince me that she ever did care about me but see nothing.
"Stop whining, Parade. You my child so I have to care about you."
"No you don't, Mamma. No, you don't have to care about me. I'm starting to realize that's the case," I respond as I lie back in my bed with my feet on the floor while she continues to yell over my head.
"Parade, please. You just lazy and expect nobody to say nothin'. That's all it is."
"Mamma, what is it really?" I ask as I sit up and look at her. "Do you want me to be sad all the time?
'Cuz I am. There's no need to try to make me feel worse. Do you want me to hate myself, Mamma? 'Cuz I do. What do you really want from me? Why do you always have to put me down? Huh, Mamma?"
"I'm just tellin' you the truth, Parade. That hair and that makeup is not gonna change the person you are. I'm just being honest so when you go out there you won't get your feelings hurt."
"Why get my feelings hurt out there when you crush them in here?"
~~~~
I feel better as she leaves out my room. I close my door the moment her feet clear my entrance. I didn't mean to let her upset me, but it is hard not to sometimes. For once, I wanted her to tell me that she liked 110
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my hair and that I'm pretty. Instead, she tells me that she hates me even more.
I go from feeling beautiful to feeling like I'm walking around with shit smeared on my face. I decide it's time for me to get a job. One of the girls at the shop, Kristal, did say I can shampoo hair for her and she'll pay me under the table. I'm going to take her up on the offer because I can't absorb the hatred from my mother no more. I gotta get out of here.
~~~~
"I did not, Sky. Why in the fuck would I call the cops on you? I wouldn't hurt you like that." Is this the best day in my life gone wrong or what?
First my mother and now this.
"Well who else told the cops we went to the party?
I know you're probably mad because of what happened Sunday, but this is some bullshit, Parade."
"Are you even listening to me? I wouldn't do that to you just 'cuz we got into a fight. What did they say anyway?"
"Basically that they're investigating a few people about what happened that night and that next, they'll be talking to Miss Daffany."
"Miss Daffany?"
"Yeah ... so?"
"Sky, you know I'da never told them her name was Miss Daffany. They had to talk to Miss Wayne first. I'm sure they're questioning all of us, and I doubt he said anything either. Plus, he don't know nothing." She's quiet, and I know she feels dumb for overT. Styles
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looking something so major. Only Miss Wayne calls people Miss before their name. The cops probably thought he was givin' them our
~~~~
"Parade, don't think you're cute just 'cuz you got that shit in your head. You ain't no better than nobody else. Trust me. Who paid for it anyway?"
"Why, Mamma?"
"'Cuz bills are due 'round here, that's why. And, if you got money to pay for your hair, you got money to pitch in."
"Mamma, the bills were still gonna be due even if I didn't get my hair done," I tell her as I walk toward my room, hoping and praying she won't follow me.
"Parade, nothing in here is free. You got to pay your way around here."
"With what, Mamma? I ain't got no job!" I yell.
"With the same money you used to get your hair done. It was a waste of time anyway. It doesn't even look real."
"Okay, Mamma. Is that why you're mad?"
"Is that what you think, Parade?" she says as she put her hands on her hips. "Anybody can put some shit in their hair, darling. Why do you think it was so easy for you to do it?"
"Mamma, why do you have to bring me down all T. Styles
109
Triple Crown Publications presents . . .
the time? Why can't we get along? I love you but I wonder if you ever loved me." I look in her eyes, searching for anything that would convince me that she ever did care about me but see nothing.
"Stop whining, Parade. You my child so I have to care about you."
"No you don't, Mamma. No, you don't have to care about me. I'm starting to realize that's the case," I respond as I lie back in my bed with my feet on the floor while she continues to yell over my head.
"Parade, please. You just lazy and expect nobody to say nothin'. That's all it is."
"Mamma, what is it really?" I ask as I sit up and look at her. "Do you want me to be sad all the time?
'Cuz I am. There's no need to try to make me feel worse. Do you want me to hate myself, Mamma? 'Cuz I do. What do you really want from me? Why do you always have to put me down? Huh, Mamma?"
"I'm just tellin' you the truth, Parade. That hair and that makeup is not gonna change the person you are. I'm just being honest so when you go out there you won't get your feelings hurt."
"Why get my feelings hurt out there when you crush them in here?"
~~~~
I feel better as she leaves out my room. I close my door the moment her feet clear my entrance. I didn't mean to let her upset me, but it is hard not to sometimes. For once, I wanted her to tell me that she liked 110
T. Styles
Black and Ugly
my hair and that I'm pretty. Instead, she tells me that she hates me even more.
I go from feeling beautiful to feeling like I'm walking around with shit smeared on my face. I decide it's time for me to get a job. One of the girls at the shop, Kristal, did say I can shampoo hair for her and she'll pay me under the table. I'm going to take her up on the offer because I can't absorb the hatred from my mother no more. I gotta get out of here.
~~~~
"I did not, Sky. Why in the fuck would I call the cops on you? I wouldn't hurt you like that." Is this the best day in my life gone wrong or what?
First my mother and now this.
"Well who else told the cops we went to the party?
I know you're probably mad because of what happened Sunday, but this is some bullshit, Parade."
"Are you even listening to me? I wouldn't do that to you just 'cuz we got into a fight. What did they say anyway?"
"Basically that they're investigating a few people about what happened that night and that next, they'll be talking to Miss Daffany."
"Miss Daffany?"
"Yeah ... so?"
"Sky, you know I'da never told them her name was Miss Daffany. They had to talk to Miss Wayne first. I'm sure they're questioning all of us, and I doubt he said anything either. Plus, he don't know nothing." She's quiet, and I know she feels dumb for overT. Styles
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Triple Crown Publications presents . . .
looking something so major. Only Miss Wayne calls people Miss before their name. The cops probably thought he was givin' them our
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