they were growing, bulging like pregnant bellies over the paint she’d hopefully slapped on the wall.
You’re going barmy, Reb!
Hephzi laughs and I nodded and tried to think of other things. But they stayed in the corner of my eye wherever I moved. I hoped I would not be here when they exploded. Hephzi laughs when I explained. She tells me to grow up and stop being such a scaredy cat.
It’s only damp, silly, that’s all
, she claims.
But I didn’t want to see her baby. I didn’t want to see it lying there on the floor, like jelly, no eyes or mouth. I knew I had to get out – the house was full of ghosts.
On Friday nights Hephzi used to sneak out. It was her big night out with Craig, every week. She wouldn’t come back until the early hours; I’d know because I’d be awake, waiting and worrying. When Hephzi was alive I didn’t want a boyfriend, the thought made my insides curdle, but now.
Now
. Maybe I could find someone. Someone who could look at me and see more than my face.
Hephzi used to climb out of the window; it’s a cliché but it worked for her. There’s an obliging old tree that bends near our room and she somehow found a way of getting down without breaking her neck. Craig would wait on the road just outside the vicarage and she’d jump on the back of his moped and I’d strain to hear them putteroff up the High Street. I moved over to the window and pushed up the bottom sash. I leant over and looked out. The night was still and quiet and I breathed in the fresh sweet air and caught the half-light on my face.
How did Hephzi manage to be so brave? How did she risk it, night after night? I ask her to tell me, to give me some of her courage and some of her heart, but she won’t say a word.
Gingerly I climbed up on to the sill, hoping the window wouldn’t fall and guillotine me in two. I used to hold it tight for Hephzi. For a long time I sat there, half in, half out. When it was really dark and getting cold I climbed back inside and sat on my bed, staring at the bulging wall opposite.
Hephzi
Before
The next day I make it in to school although Rebecca’s still too poorly. She’ll have to stay in the vicarage until she’s fit to be seen. But one of us has to go to college, Mother says, or there might be talk. I feel guilty for feeling free as I bomb out of the house and up the road in record time. Craig is there by the gates, smoking, cute with his hat pulled down over his forehead. I slow down, matching cool with cool.
‘All right?’ he asks as I get closer. With a flick of my hair I shoot a quick smile in his direction and keep walking as if I’m going to go past without pausing to chat. Craig moves into my path to stop me and I realize how tall he is now we’re so close and I look up into his eyes, which are as dark and sexy as I’d imagined.
‘Hi!’ Where did that voice come from? I sound like a little girl.
‘Where are you off to in such a hurry?’
‘Registration?’ I inflect my voice, grinning with my eyes but making a face of mock disapproval.
‘Waste of time. Let’s get out of here.’
This is it. Crunch time. It had to happen sooner or later, he had to find out that I’m a total loser. Any other day and I’d have been out of that school like a shot, but if I disappear now and my parents find out then Rebecca will be punished again. Me too. On the other hand I know that if I don’t go with him this time then Craig probably won’t bother asking in future. This could be my only chance. He smiles a little smile and touches my waist. I’m on the verge of capitulating.
‘Sorry, I have a test. Can’t miss it.’ Reb’s asked me to get the homework for her too.
He steps back, shrugs, looks over his shoulder and is already gone, loping off, destination anywhere but the science block. I force my legs to carry me in the right direction and flunk the test.
But when I check Facebook at lunchtime there’s a message. Craig.
Hope you won’t bottle it on Saturday.
I
You’re going barmy, Reb!
Hephzi laughs and I nodded and tried to think of other things. But they stayed in the corner of my eye wherever I moved. I hoped I would not be here when they exploded. Hephzi laughs when I explained. She tells me to grow up and stop being such a scaredy cat.
It’s only damp, silly, that’s all
, she claims.
But I didn’t want to see her baby. I didn’t want to see it lying there on the floor, like jelly, no eyes or mouth. I knew I had to get out – the house was full of ghosts.
On Friday nights Hephzi used to sneak out. It was her big night out with Craig, every week. She wouldn’t come back until the early hours; I’d know because I’d be awake, waiting and worrying. When Hephzi was alive I didn’t want a boyfriend, the thought made my insides curdle, but now.
Now
. Maybe I could find someone. Someone who could look at me and see more than my face.
Hephzi used to climb out of the window; it’s a cliché but it worked for her. There’s an obliging old tree that bends near our room and she somehow found a way of getting down without breaking her neck. Craig would wait on the road just outside the vicarage and she’d jump on the back of his moped and I’d strain to hear them putteroff up the High Street. I moved over to the window and pushed up the bottom sash. I leant over and looked out. The night was still and quiet and I breathed in the fresh sweet air and caught the half-light on my face.
How did Hephzi manage to be so brave? How did she risk it, night after night? I ask her to tell me, to give me some of her courage and some of her heart, but she won’t say a word.
Gingerly I climbed up on to the sill, hoping the window wouldn’t fall and guillotine me in two. I used to hold it tight for Hephzi. For a long time I sat there, half in, half out. When it was really dark and getting cold I climbed back inside and sat on my bed, staring at the bulging wall opposite.
Hephzi
Before
The next day I make it in to school although Rebecca’s still too poorly. She’ll have to stay in the vicarage until she’s fit to be seen. But one of us has to go to college, Mother says, or there might be talk. I feel guilty for feeling free as I bomb out of the house and up the road in record time. Craig is there by the gates, smoking, cute with his hat pulled down over his forehead. I slow down, matching cool with cool.
‘All right?’ he asks as I get closer. With a flick of my hair I shoot a quick smile in his direction and keep walking as if I’m going to go past without pausing to chat. Craig moves into my path to stop me and I realize how tall he is now we’re so close and I look up into his eyes, which are as dark and sexy as I’d imagined.
‘Hi!’ Where did that voice come from? I sound like a little girl.
‘Where are you off to in such a hurry?’
‘Registration?’ I inflect my voice, grinning with my eyes but making a face of mock disapproval.
‘Waste of time. Let’s get out of here.’
This is it. Crunch time. It had to happen sooner or later, he had to find out that I’m a total loser. Any other day and I’d have been out of that school like a shot, but if I disappear now and my parents find out then Rebecca will be punished again. Me too. On the other hand I know that if I don’t go with him this time then Craig probably won’t bother asking in future. This could be my only chance. He smiles a little smile and touches my waist. I’m on the verge of capitulating.
‘Sorry, I have a test. Can’t miss it.’ Reb’s asked me to get the homework for her too.
He steps back, shrugs, looks over his shoulder and is already gone, loping off, destination anywhere but the science block. I force my legs to carry me in the right direction and flunk the test.
But when I check Facebook at lunchtime there’s a message. Craig.
Hope you won’t bottle it on Saturday.
I
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