her knees as she reaches the gate, a sob raking over her body. A little girl runs to her, wrapping her tiny arms around her shoulders and cries. The scene doesn’t make any sense, I can’t understand what I’m seeing. Then I see what the little girl mouths and I know, know that that’s what she wanted to tell me.
Mom.
I can’t see her anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with it all. It’s too much, it will be too much for her.
But I can’t help myself.
Drug… she’s a drug… and I’m wildly addicted.
I sit there and watch her for an hour. I have a job tonight. I can’t let whatever I have for her affect what I do. I’ve already declined work because I wanted to see her every day to get my fix. She listens to me when I say don’t touch, she obeys me. Most women I’m with never obey, they always try to touch, touch me in places where their hands are not permitted.
I am so lost in her I don’t recognize when she straightens her spine and grips the little girl until it’s too late. I’m not fast enough for the slap that echoes across her face either. The little girl who has edged to her side is crying, and the man pulls her arm to get her away. Rose screams something, tears soaking her face, making her makeup run. Her eyes look black.
This is the father, that much I can tell.
He storms away, and Rose drops to the ground. Her head is between her hands. I should go to her, try to comfort her, though I can’t. I don’t know how to. What I would say? How to do that? I’ve never done or needed to do something like that. Crying is the walk away zone for me.
I drive away, wanting to touch her and hold her, knowing that I shouldn’t. I drive to my job, my gear already in my truck. Jake rings, and it’s the third time he’s rung this week. I’ve been ignoring his calls, ignoring him altogether. I don’t want him to connect the dots and potentially ruin it all.
I know though if I don’t answer soon he’ll go on a manhunt for me. And he’s damn good at finding out what he wants and what he needs.
“Yeah,” I answer, pulling up to the local strip club. I stop the car and turn it off, reaching behind me to pocket my gun. Tonight is a different hit, tonight is an up close and personal hit. My phone rings. Jake’s calling, it’s time.
“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you? You knew we’d find out.” I look at the gun, wondering if it would be easier to just kill all those that are close to me. Would that keep her safe?
“Yes, I knew,” I finally answer him.
He screams into the phone. “This is why you’ve been ignoring me, you didn’t want me to know.”
“Yes.”
“You know he knows, he wants her back, Black, and I can’t say no to him.”
“Just tell me when?”
“What are you going to do, Black? Don’t take on everyone for her.”
“I will do what I have to do, Jake, just don’t be there to collect her. You won’t like the outcome.”
“Fuck!” he screams loudly and then hangs up.
It’s busy when I enter, and I spot her straight away. She’s at the bar, her breasts are leaning on it. She’s seducing a man twice her age. She spots me as soon as I’m in sight and she looks around, nerves evident on her stone-like facial expression as her body shakes.
“Stella.”
“Don’t do it, Black,” she says, stepping as far away from me as she can possibly get behind the bar. Her clothes are skimpy, her breasts on full display.
“I need to talk to you privately.”
“Nope.” She shakes her head back and forth.
“This is the last time I will ask nicely.”
“I can’t. I know, I know why you are here. I just can’t.”
“Is that your choice?” She looks at me with her mouth open and a small gasp leaves her throat. Her head slowly nods up and down. I nod mine and walk away. She runs as soon as I’m out of sight. I turn around to watch her and then follow her. She runs to the back of the club and locks herself in a room. I hear
Mom.
I can’t see her anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with it all. It’s too much, it will be too much for her.
But I can’t help myself.
Drug… she’s a drug… and I’m wildly addicted.
I sit there and watch her for an hour. I have a job tonight. I can’t let whatever I have for her affect what I do. I’ve already declined work because I wanted to see her every day to get my fix. She listens to me when I say don’t touch, she obeys me. Most women I’m with never obey, they always try to touch, touch me in places where their hands are not permitted.
I am so lost in her I don’t recognize when she straightens her spine and grips the little girl until it’s too late. I’m not fast enough for the slap that echoes across her face either. The little girl who has edged to her side is crying, and the man pulls her arm to get her away. Rose screams something, tears soaking her face, making her makeup run. Her eyes look black.
This is the father, that much I can tell.
He storms away, and Rose drops to the ground. Her head is between her hands. I should go to her, try to comfort her, though I can’t. I don’t know how to. What I would say? How to do that? I’ve never done or needed to do something like that. Crying is the walk away zone for me.
I drive away, wanting to touch her and hold her, knowing that I shouldn’t. I drive to my job, my gear already in my truck. Jake rings, and it’s the third time he’s rung this week. I’ve been ignoring his calls, ignoring him altogether. I don’t want him to connect the dots and potentially ruin it all.
I know though if I don’t answer soon he’ll go on a manhunt for me. And he’s damn good at finding out what he wants and what he needs.
“Yeah,” I answer, pulling up to the local strip club. I stop the car and turn it off, reaching behind me to pocket my gun. Tonight is a different hit, tonight is an up close and personal hit. My phone rings. Jake’s calling, it’s time.
“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you? You knew we’d find out.” I look at the gun, wondering if it would be easier to just kill all those that are close to me. Would that keep her safe?
“Yes, I knew,” I finally answer him.
He screams into the phone. “This is why you’ve been ignoring me, you didn’t want me to know.”
“Yes.”
“You know he knows, he wants her back, Black, and I can’t say no to him.”
“Just tell me when?”
“What are you going to do, Black? Don’t take on everyone for her.”
“I will do what I have to do, Jake, just don’t be there to collect her. You won’t like the outcome.”
“Fuck!” he screams loudly and then hangs up.
It’s busy when I enter, and I spot her straight away. She’s at the bar, her breasts are leaning on it. She’s seducing a man twice her age. She spots me as soon as I’m in sight and she looks around, nerves evident on her stone-like facial expression as her body shakes.
“Stella.”
“Don’t do it, Black,” she says, stepping as far away from me as she can possibly get behind the bar. Her clothes are skimpy, her breasts on full display.
“I need to talk to you privately.”
“Nope.” She shakes her head back and forth.
“This is the last time I will ask nicely.”
“I can’t. I know, I know why you are here. I just can’t.”
“Is that your choice?” She looks at me with her mouth open and a small gasp leaves her throat. Her head slowly nods up and down. I nod mine and walk away. She runs as soon as I’m out of sight. I turn around to watch her and then follow her. She runs to the back of the club and locks herself in a room. I hear
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