moment, we cannot be married, but we can carry on as we were before. Only this time, we will have to be more discreet...” Her voice trailed off. Nelly could hear the disappointment in her voice and feel her shoulders going limp under her enfolding arm. She held An Mei tighter, as though she hoped to absorb some of her pain. “By that,” An Mei continued, her voice filled with hurt, “it means we do not go anywhere important together. See,” she continued assuming a false brightness, “just like Aunty Jenny. I’m to be like her, someone who I have ridiculed in the past.”
“Are you sure this is just temporary, for the moment, as he puts it? Would there be a chance in the future that he could, would marry you? I cannot put off explaining or telling your father forever. If Hussein cannot marry you, then you should think of your other options. Perhaps, go back to Oxford, find a job and start life again. You are young. At the moment, your father thinks that you are staying on only to help me out and that you have ended your relationship with Hussein. I have given my word that I’ll look after you and I am sure he has interpreted that to mean that I will see to it that you no longer see Hussein.”
An Mei turned to face Nelly. “I’ll stay for a while,” she said. “Perhaps, I can find work here. I’ll help out in the shops,” she added hastily, “but I would like to find my own work. Hussein too wishes to find his own feet. And if he can, I am sure we will be married. He would be able make his own decisions then and be less constrained by his family. At the moment, his wings are clipped. He has no money of his own. He is totally dependent on his parents. They wield such power over him. We need time to work things out.”
“Can’t he find a job on his own?”
An Mei recalled what Hussein had said to her. “In theory, yes. With his qualifications he should be able to get a good position. In practice, it would be difficult.”
Nelly leaned over and planted a kiss on An Mei’s wet cheeks before withdrawing her arm. She turned on her side. “Let me sleep and think about it.”
*****
A week later, Nelly travelled to Singapore. She boarded the train at the Kuala Lumpur railway station. The station’s mixture of neo-Moorish/Mughal architecture brought back sharp memories of her hasty departure from Singapore many years ago. It was here in this very station that she was directed to Penang and it was in Penang that she had met Ming Kong. She sat alone as the train rolled forward, each jolt, each sound it made took her nearer to Singapore. Little had changed on the train, but so much of her life has been transformed. Her thoughts flew from one episode to another, but one scene kept coming back to haunt her. It was the day she abandoned her children to escape the incessant beatings of her former husband, Woo Pik Soo. The longing to hold them in her arms was like a fresh wound. She felt the sudden flood of warmth around her eyes as she recalled the scent of her children when she held them for the last time. She looked out of the window to avoid the curious stares of other passengers. Palm oil and rubber plantations rushed by, their orderly alignment seemed to mock the chaos in her life. She looked at her own reflection on the windowpane, seeing the change in herself. When she boarded the train all those years ago, she was slim, youthful with long black hair. Her reflection now showed an old, plump, grey-haired lady.
“I have to find them,” she said aloud, waking the dozing passenger sitting next to her. His lolling head shot up abruptly as he looked with a confused expression at Nelly.
“Were you speaking to me?
“No!” replied Nelly.
“What-
lah
! Woke me up,” he barked, clearly annoyed. “Don’t do that again!” With that he dug deeper into his seat and turned his back to her and closed his eyes.
*****
Clutching a piece of paper and her handbag, Nelly got out of the taxi at Bukit Timah, a leafy
“Are you sure this is just temporary, for the moment, as he puts it? Would there be a chance in the future that he could, would marry you? I cannot put off explaining or telling your father forever. If Hussein cannot marry you, then you should think of your other options. Perhaps, go back to Oxford, find a job and start life again. You are young. At the moment, your father thinks that you are staying on only to help me out and that you have ended your relationship with Hussein. I have given my word that I’ll look after you and I am sure he has interpreted that to mean that I will see to it that you no longer see Hussein.”
An Mei turned to face Nelly. “I’ll stay for a while,” she said. “Perhaps, I can find work here. I’ll help out in the shops,” she added hastily, “but I would like to find my own work. Hussein too wishes to find his own feet. And if he can, I am sure we will be married. He would be able make his own decisions then and be less constrained by his family. At the moment, his wings are clipped. He has no money of his own. He is totally dependent on his parents. They wield such power over him. We need time to work things out.”
“Can’t he find a job on his own?”
An Mei recalled what Hussein had said to her. “In theory, yes. With his qualifications he should be able to get a good position. In practice, it would be difficult.”
Nelly leaned over and planted a kiss on An Mei’s wet cheeks before withdrawing her arm. She turned on her side. “Let me sleep and think about it.”
*****
A week later, Nelly travelled to Singapore. She boarded the train at the Kuala Lumpur railway station. The station’s mixture of neo-Moorish/Mughal architecture brought back sharp memories of her hasty departure from Singapore many years ago. It was here in this very station that she was directed to Penang and it was in Penang that she had met Ming Kong. She sat alone as the train rolled forward, each jolt, each sound it made took her nearer to Singapore. Little had changed on the train, but so much of her life has been transformed. Her thoughts flew from one episode to another, but one scene kept coming back to haunt her. It was the day she abandoned her children to escape the incessant beatings of her former husband, Woo Pik Soo. The longing to hold them in her arms was like a fresh wound. She felt the sudden flood of warmth around her eyes as she recalled the scent of her children when she held them for the last time. She looked out of the window to avoid the curious stares of other passengers. Palm oil and rubber plantations rushed by, their orderly alignment seemed to mock the chaos in her life. She looked at her own reflection on the windowpane, seeing the change in herself. When she boarded the train all those years ago, she was slim, youthful with long black hair. Her reflection now showed an old, plump, grey-haired lady.
“I have to find them,” she said aloud, waking the dozing passenger sitting next to her. His lolling head shot up abruptly as he looked with a confused expression at Nelly.
“Were you speaking to me?
“No!” replied Nelly.
“What-
lah
! Woke me up,” he barked, clearly annoyed. “Don’t do that again!” With that he dug deeper into his seat and turned his back to her and closed his eyes.
*****
Clutching a piece of paper and her handbag, Nelly got out of the taxi at Bukit Timah, a leafy
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