settlement and showed them our technology and such. They took plenty of notes and pictures, but gave us very little in return other than diagrams of electric eggbeaters, power operated shoehorns, pencil sharpeners and such. Everything else was what they called a military secret. Since both terms were new to us we were very interested as you can imagine. Soon after this they invited us to appoint a delegation to return with them to their home world. We were thrilled at this, I more than ever when I was officially appointed as ambassador. I selected a staff and we joined them in their spacer. By this time we knew that our metabolisms were completely different so, in addition to our communication and recording equipment, we packed a considerable supply of dehydrated beetles and other rations.
What a wonderful experience! We discovered that once the trip had begun they were more outgoing. They answered all our questions, even the most technical ones, and were grateful when our physicist pointed out ways of improving their FTL communication equipment. I was in fourteenth heaven as I made the notes for my book, the first exopological text to be written about homo sapiens. The commander of the spacer, a Captain Queeg, offered to help me in any way he could. I decided an interview in depth should begin at once. Armed with a recorder, notebook and stylobiro I went to his quarters.
“This is pleasure of greatest importance, Captain Queeg,” I told him. “I know scarcely how to begin.”
“Why not start by calling me Charley, which is my first name. And you?”
“We have but one name and mine is Bgr.”
“Bugger?”
“Beager is closer. Two words you have often used intrigue me. What is a secret?”
“Something you don't tell anyone. You keep it secret.”
“If a fact is kept secret then how can communication and learning be accomplished?”
“Easily — on other matters. But secrets are kept secret.”
My stylobiro flew across my pad. “Fascinating. Now the other word, often linked with 'secret'. Military.”
He frowned. “Why do you want to know this?”
“Why? Why not. Many things we asked about we were told were military secrets. Both concepts are unknown to us.”
“You don't keep secrets?”
“We see no reason to. Knowledge is public and meant to be shared by all.”
“But you got armies and navies don't you?”
Oh how my stylobiro flew. “Negative, negative. Meaning of terms unknown.”
“Let me explain then. Armies and navies are large groups of people with weapons who defend those nearest and dearest against the vicious enemy.”
“But what is enemy,” I asked, getting into deeper water all the time.
“Enemies are other groups, countries, people who want to take your country, land, freedom away. And kill you.”
“But who would want to do that?”
“The enemy,” he said grimly.
I was at a loss for words, a rare thing for a Chinger of education. I finally managed to control my spinning thoughts and speak. “But we have no enemies. All Chingers of course live in peace with other Chingers, since to consider injuring another means that another could consider injuring you and that is nonviable. And, in our voyages to other worlds, we have never met an intelligent species before. We study the species we meet, aid them if we can, but have found no enemies so far.” At that point a sudden thought devastated me and I could barely speak, barely choke out the words. “You humans, you are not our enemies are you?”
“Of course not,” he laughed loudly at the idea. “We like you little green guys, really we do.”
“And of course we are not your enemies,” I assured him. “We could not be since, until this moment, the term was unknown to us.”
I decided to let this strange and discomfiting matter rest there and went on to other topics of interest. When I returned and told my associates about military and secrets, then about enemies they were just as baffled as I was. These alien
What a wonderful experience! We discovered that once the trip had begun they were more outgoing. They answered all our questions, even the most technical ones, and were grateful when our physicist pointed out ways of improving their FTL communication equipment. I was in fourteenth heaven as I made the notes for my book, the first exopological text to be written about homo sapiens. The commander of the spacer, a Captain Queeg, offered to help me in any way he could. I decided an interview in depth should begin at once. Armed with a recorder, notebook and stylobiro I went to his quarters.
“This is pleasure of greatest importance, Captain Queeg,” I told him. “I know scarcely how to begin.”
“Why not start by calling me Charley, which is my first name. And you?”
“We have but one name and mine is Bgr.”
“Bugger?”
“Beager is closer. Two words you have often used intrigue me. What is a secret?”
“Something you don't tell anyone. You keep it secret.”
“If a fact is kept secret then how can communication and learning be accomplished?”
“Easily — on other matters. But secrets are kept secret.”
My stylobiro flew across my pad. “Fascinating. Now the other word, often linked with 'secret'. Military.”
He frowned. “Why do you want to know this?”
“Why? Why not. Many things we asked about we were told were military secrets. Both concepts are unknown to us.”
“You don't keep secrets?”
“We see no reason to. Knowledge is public and meant to be shared by all.”
“But you got armies and navies don't you?”
Oh how my stylobiro flew. “Negative, negative. Meaning of terms unknown.”
“Let me explain then. Armies and navies are large groups of people with weapons who defend those nearest and dearest against the vicious enemy.”
“But what is enemy,” I asked, getting into deeper water all the time.
“Enemies are other groups, countries, people who want to take your country, land, freedom away. And kill you.”
“But who would want to do that?”
“The enemy,” he said grimly.
I was at a loss for words, a rare thing for a Chinger of education. I finally managed to control my spinning thoughts and speak. “But we have no enemies. All Chingers of course live in peace with other Chingers, since to consider injuring another means that another could consider injuring you and that is nonviable. And, in our voyages to other worlds, we have never met an intelligent species before. We study the species we meet, aid them if we can, but have found no enemies so far.” At that point a sudden thought devastated me and I could barely speak, barely choke out the words. “You humans, you are not our enemies are you?”
“Of course not,” he laughed loudly at the idea. “We like you little green guys, really we do.”
“And of course we are not your enemies,” I assured him. “We could not be since, until this moment, the term was unknown to us.”
I decided to let this strange and discomfiting matter rest there and went on to other topics of interest. When I returned and told my associates about military and secrets, then about enemies they were just as baffled as I was. These alien
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