honest. I'd just known that I needed to get away and be alone. Sometimes living in a vast house with only four other people seemed more crowded than a small basement hovel with a dozen boys all crammed in together. "I needed some fresh air."
"In a tree?"
I jumped from the lowest branch to the ground, landing so lightly on my feet that my injured foot didn't hurt at all. I used to climb a lot when I pretended to be a boy, but rarely trees. Mostly over fences or low walls and through windows.
"Thank you," I said. "I heard you take the blame."
"I thought so. I knew you were hiding there."
Had he sensed me or had he seen me? "Is that why you did it?"
"No."
"Then why?"
"It was easier."
"For me, yes, but not for you."
He folded his arms over his chest.
"Lincoln, I do appreciate what you did. Very much. I will set it to rights at the first opportunity, and tell them I acted without your consent."
"And give them more ammunition to send you away? No, Charlie. I forbid it, and this time I'm deadly serious. It's better for you if they think I ordered you."
"But—"
"No!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me, though not hard. "Will you never listen?"
I wrenched away and his fingers sprang apart. He scrubbed a hand across his chin, over his mouth. I blinked at him, my throat tight, my heart trying to punch a hole through my ribs. "If you think it's for the best, then I'll abide by your wishes."
He nodded, calmer. "Good. Now come inside before it rains again."
He held out his hand for me to go ahead. I gave him a sideways glance, which hurt my eyeballs, and saw that he was looking at me too.
"You don't seem as angry with me now as you were this morning," I hazarded.
"You think I was angry with you for raising Estelle Pearson's spirit." It wasn't a question, but I took it as one.
"Aren't you? You did tell me not to, and I went ahead and did it."
He looked up at the gray sky and let out a breath that almost seemed like a sigh. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I can't be angry with you for that, since I would have done the same thing if I were in your position."
My step faltered. He stopped and caught my elbow, steadying me, then let go. Neither of us continued on. "You…you would have?" I frowned and thrust my hands on my hips. "Then why order me not to?"
"Because there is always the chance that something will go wrong. Aside from the obvious dangers of having a corpse wandering around the city, you cannot afford to have a strike against your name. The committee, especially Gillingham, will seize upon any opportunity to send you away. It's why I haven't wanted you to help look for Buchanan. It's best if you stay at Lichfield, out of trouble."
"Then why involve me in the Captain Jasper affair? You asked me to raise Gordon Thackery and scare answers out of Jasper's men."
"And I came to realize that was a mistake, an almost fatal one." His jaw hardened and a muscle in his cheek jumped. "After your abduction, I concluded that I should not have involved you. Not only for your own safety, but because the committee will use Jasper's interest in you to support their argument and send you away. Lady Harcourt admitted as much to me."
I stared at him. It was a relief to hear that he wasn't too angry with me, but this… It was one thing to dismiss any feelings he had for me, but quite another to exclude me from ministry business. I could not be just a maid at Lichfield. Not ever.
The realization struck me as severely as a blow to the body, knocking the breath out of me momentarily. I pressed a hand to my chest. "But I have to help you fix this, Lincoln. I need to find Estelle Pearson and send her back."
"Only you can send her back, that's true, but I will find her and bring her to you."
"No, I have to help. I have to."
"You don't!"
"I would rather risk being sent away than have you face dangers alone because of me. Lincoln, please, if I do nothing…" I shook my head, unsure if I could put into words how I felt.
"In a tree?"
I jumped from the lowest branch to the ground, landing so lightly on my feet that my injured foot didn't hurt at all. I used to climb a lot when I pretended to be a boy, but rarely trees. Mostly over fences or low walls and through windows.
"Thank you," I said. "I heard you take the blame."
"I thought so. I knew you were hiding there."
Had he sensed me or had he seen me? "Is that why you did it?"
"No."
"Then why?"
"It was easier."
"For me, yes, but not for you."
He folded his arms over his chest.
"Lincoln, I do appreciate what you did. Very much. I will set it to rights at the first opportunity, and tell them I acted without your consent."
"And give them more ammunition to send you away? No, Charlie. I forbid it, and this time I'm deadly serious. It's better for you if they think I ordered you."
"But—"
"No!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me, though not hard. "Will you never listen?"
I wrenched away and his fingers sprang apart. He scrubbed a hand across his chin, over his mouth. I blinked at him, my throat tight, my heart trying to punch a hole through my ribs. "If you think it's for the best, then I'll abide by your wishes."
He nodded, calmer. "Good. Now come inside before it rains again."
He held out his hand for me to go ahead. I gave him a sideways glance, which hurt my eyeballs, and saw that he was looking at me too.
"You don't seem as angry with me now as you were this morning," I hazarded.
"You think I was angry with you for raising Estelle Pearson's spirit." It wasn't a question, but I took it as one.
"Aren't you? You did tell me not to, and I went ahead and did it."
He looked up at the gray sky and let out a breath that almost seemed like a sigh. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I can't be angry with you for that, since I would have done the same thing if I were in your position."
My step faltered. He stopped and caught my elbow, steadying me, then let go. Neither of us continued on. "You…you would have?" I frowned and thrust my hands on my hips. "Then why order me not to?"
"Because there is always the chance that something will go wrong. Aside from the obvious dangers of having a corpse wandering around the city, you cannot afford to have a strike against your name. The committee, especially Gillingham, will seize upon any opportunity to send you away. It's why I haven't wanted you to help look for Buchanan. It's best if you stay at Lichfield, out of trouble."
"Then why involve me in the Captain Jasper affair? You asked me to raise Gordon Thackery and scare answers out of Jasper's men."
"And I came to realize that was a mistake, an almost fatal one." His jaw hardened and a muscle in his cheek jumped. "After your abduction, I concluded that I should not have involved you. Not only for your own safety, but because the committee will use Jasper's interest in you to support their argument and send you away. Lady Harcourt admitted as much to me."
I stared at him. It was a relief to hear that he wasn't too angry with me, but this… It was one thing to dismiss any feelings he had for me, but quite another to exclude me from ministry business. I could not be just a maid at Lichfield. Not ever.
The realization struck me as severely as a blow to the body, knocking the breath out of me momentarily. I pressed a hand to my chest. "But I have to help you fix this, Lincoln. I need to find Estelle Pearson and send her back."
"Only you can send her back, that's true, but I will find her and bring her to you."
"No, I have to help. I have to."
"You don't!"
"I would rather risk being sent away than have you face dangers alone because of me. Lincoln, please, if I do nothing…" I shook my head, unsure if I could put into words how I felt.
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