Beyond Reason by Karice Bolton Page B

on the ground as if I weighed no more than a ragdoll, which was definitely not the case, and he quickly climbed the ladder.
    “Nice. PS4,” he nodded with approval, and I felt a slight stir in my tummy.
    “We need a Call of Duty tournament before the trip is up. That’s all I’m saying,” I replied.
    Brandy nodded in agreement. “Guys against girls.”
    Ayden came back down the stairs, and his eyes caught mine. I saw a bit more pleasure than I expected to see reflected in them, and I was suddenly without words.
    “There are two bars in the lodge,” Gabby said, coming into the great room. “Maybe, we should hang out close in case Lily needs us for anything. I mean we wouldn’t like spy on you, but we could hang out in the other one, just in case.”
    “That’s a good idea,” Jason said, coming up behind her. He nuzzled her neck, and I looked away as if I was witnessing something too personal. But instead, my eyes bounced over to catch Ayden looking at me, and my heart did a nosedive.
    “Well, whatever floats your boat. I’m going to go unwind by taking a shower or bath or two before I have to meet Austin.” I felt Ayden’s gaze on me as I left the room, and I wondered what in the world he was thinking about since his old girlfriend would be flying into town tomorrow. There was something behind his eyes that I recognized or wanted to recognize as something that was obviously off the table.
    I walked down the hall and into my bedroom. Opening up my suitcase, I grabbed a pair of jeans and a fluffy sweater and carried them into the bathroom, where I was more than thrilled at the sight of a Jacuzzi tub. Tossing my clothes on the counter, I turned on the faucet for the tub and poured some gel under the streaming water. The room smelled of citrus and lavender as the aroma drifted from the tub. Stripping off my clothes, I stepped into the water, and the bubbles shifted as I slid into the tub.
    My mind wandered to Austin and all of the questions I hadn’t let myself worry about very much…like what if he hated me and was going to take this opportunity to tell me so in public. Or what if he didn’t even show up?
    As the warm water settled around my body, my thoughts drifted to Jake. My chest tightened as images of him flashed into my mind. Would our conversation turn to him? Did I want it to? It had been two weeks since I’d had any nightmares about Jake, and I prayed that they were behind me—that the worst was behind me. It was as if the moment I knew that I’d be facing Austin again, my subconscious began to settle down. But I’d been through stretches before where the nightmares stopped, but it had only been temporary, a couple weeks at the most, and then they came roaring back. But maybe making things right with Austin was the key to letting go and forgiving myself.
    I felt warmth trickle down my cheeks as I let the guilt flood through me for the millionth time. I’d spent so many years clutching onto the memory of what Austin and I had shared that the numbness that followed seemed almost welcome. It was a relief to not feel the sorrow and fear of losing someone ever again…until I realized that it was impossible to categorize emotions and everything became numb. I couldn’t be dead to sorrow, but be alive for love. Instead, I just felt dead to all emotion. I really didn’t want to think what would happen if seeing Austin again didn’t help to resolve things. I wondered just how disappointed I was going to be when the meeting with Austin was a bust. Tiring myself out from endless circle talk, I closed my eyes and drifted to a peaceful place.
    “Lily. Lily,” Gabby’s voice bounced around my brain for a moment until I realized where I was at and that the freezing water wasn’t part of my dream.
    “What time is it?” I asked.
    Gabby was standing beside me as I twisted in the tub, trying to gather what few bubbles remained.
    “You’ve got forty minutes,” she said, as she turned and walked