distantly, and nodding for no apparent reason. ‘Real virgin, not just a blood virgin. You’ll get your chance, man. Someday, if you don’t piss
off the Captain so he decides to beat you to death.’ He laughs and heads out of the barracks, gun across his back, to the hospitality house. I fall back on the cot.
As soon as we arrived here, the soldiers handed the girls over to Mouse. Akidi shuffled and stumbled along with the other girls, away from the soldiers. I thought she was
lucky. It took me a while to figure out what kind of hospitality was being offered.
That happened as I was walking behind the house, trying to get to the barracks without being seen by the Captain. There was a sudden bang on the wall, right by my head. I froze. Fear echoed in
my bones. I heard heavy breathing and a woman’s little cries like she was being beaten, and then longer sounds.
I knew those sounds. My village was made up of simple huts and some people were very loud. Growing up, I’d heard those sounds so often that they faded into the back of my mind like the
humming of grasshoppers. The only thing about it was that it was daylight. And the women went with more than one man, though I didn’t think too much about that. But now those sounds sent an
instant wave of sweat across my palms.
I didn’t see Akidi much after we got to the camp. They didn’t let the hospitality girls out much. When I did see her, I knew she’d changed, everything about her was different.
My uncle’s sister-in-law went into that house and never came out.
I wonder if Parasite will visit Akidi.
I don’t know whether Parasite had always felt that way about guns and girls, or whether it was being here that made him think those things. I hope he
was
always
like that – but I think they want us all to become like him.
From the first, we had to learn revolution songs, but our morning runs included a different kind of song – not about the revolution and the glorious new world.
A farmer’s daughter tried to run from me
So I shot her once, right in the knee
I dragged her into the long green grass
And then I fucked her pretty ass.
To have those words coming out in my own voice terrified me, and still does. Sometimes, if I’m in the middle, away from the Captain and the Mobile Force, I sing the words from my
village’s Sunday school songs under my breath, to try to cleanse myself.
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak, but he is strong.
Back home I was never much of a singer. Pina had been given a beautiful voice. She was the best singer in Sunday school. I used to play an old guitar to keep birds out of the garden and I could
tune it to her voice, she knew the notes so well.
The Mobile Force love to sing about death and rape and fire. Boys that haven’t even held a gun yet. And those words get in your head, like a dream you once had. I see it in the other boys
around me. The songs they sing turn into plans, weave themselves into real desires.
I’ve been fighting against those songs from the beginning, but the tunes embed themselves in your mind. You can’t resist. Once, just sitting in the evening, toying with the dummy
rifle they gave each recruit, I heard the words of one rape song coming from somewhere nearby.
I fucked her front and I fucked her back
I went on fucking until she was dead
And then when I saw what I had done
I laughed and decided to fuck her head.
Then I realised I’d been singing it. It was in my head, singing itself. The worst one, though, was the one about killing your parents.
My mother talked too fast
My father ran too slow
So I cut his legs and took her head
Buried both and pissed in the hole.
They teach us to kill before the person can plea for mercy. Of course, they say, one day we’ll learn to enjoy the power of those pleadings, we’ll understand how they can give us
strength, and therefore strengthen the revolution. But
off the Captain so he decides to beat you to death.’ He laughs and heads out of the barracks, gun across his back, to the hospitality house. I fall back on the cot.
As soon as we arrived here, the soldiers handed the girls over to Mouse. Akidi shuffled and stumbled along with the other girls, away from the soldiers. I thought she was
lucky. It took me a while to figure out what kind of hospitality was being offered.
That happened as I was walking behind the house, trying to get to the barracks without being seen by the Captain. There was a sudden bang on the wall, right by my head. I froze. Fear echoed in
my bones. I heard heavy breathing and a woman’s little cries like she was being beaten, and then longer sounds.
I knew those sounds. My village was made up of simple huts and some people were very loud. Growing up, I’d heard those sounds so often that they faded into the back of my mind like the
humming of grasshoppers. The only thing about it was that it was daylight. And the women went with more than one man, though I didn’t think too much about that. But now those sounds sent an
instant wave of sweat across my palms.
I didn’t see Akidi much after we got to the camp. They didn’t let the hospitality girls out much. When I did see her, I knew she’d changed, everything about her was different.
My uncle’s sister-in-law went into that house and never came out.
I wonder if Parasite will visit Akidi.
I don’t know whether Parasite had always felt that way about guns and girls, or whether it was being here that made him think those things. I hope he
was
always
like that – but I think they want us all to become like him.
From the first, we had to learn revolution songs, but our morning runs included a different kind of song – not about the revolution and the glorious new world.
A farmer’s daughter tried to run from me
So I shot her once, right in the knee
I dragged her into the long green grass
And then I fucked her pretty ass.
To have those words coming out in my own voice terrified me, and still does. Sometimes, if I’m in the middle, away from the Captain and the Mobile Force, I sing the words from my
village’s Sunday school songs under my breath, to try to cleanse myself.
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak, but he is strong.
Back home I was never much of a singer. Pina had been given a beautiful voice. She was the best singer in Sunday school. I used to play an old guitar to keep birds out of the garden and I could
tune it to her voice, she knew the notes so well.
The Mobile Force love to sing about death and rape and fire. Boys that haven’t even held a gun yet. And those words get in your head, like a dream you once had. I see it in the other boys
around me. The songs they sing turn into plans, weave themselves into real desires.
I’ve been fighting against those songs from the beginning, but the tunes embed themselves in your mind. You can’t resist. Once, just sitting in the evening, toying with the dummy
rifle they gave each recruit, I heard the words of one rape song coming from somewhere nearby.
I fucked her front and I fucked her back
I went on fucking until she was dead
And then when I saw what I had done
I laughed and decided to fuck her head.
Then I realised I’d been singing it. It was in my head, singing itself. The worst one, though, was the one about killing your parents.
My mother talked too fast
My father ran too slow
So I cut his legs and took her head
Buried both and pissed in the hole.
They teach us to kill before the person can plea for mercy. Of course, they say, one day we’ll learn to enjoy the power of those pleadings, we’ll understand how they can give us
strength, and therefore strengthen the revolution. But
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