Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt Page A

August 2006 after the restaurant lost its bid to have the lawsuit dismissed. Although at the time the New York State Human Rights Law banned discrimination on the basis of sex and sexual orientation, it made no mention of gender identity. Nonetheless, a Westchester County judge hearing the case ruled “transgendered persons” were protected from workplace discrimination by the sex discrimination provision in the law.
    The judge’s decision was not universally praised. A New York law blogger, writing about the case, wondered if the decision might be overturned on appeal: “Is the alleged discrimination that occurred in this case based upon the plaintiff’s gender or the fact that the plaintiff chose to dress in a way that was not consistent with her gender? How different is the alleged harassment in this case from that one would encounter if one chose to wear a clown suit at all times?”
    In the middle of the first decade of the twenty-first century, the national debate on transgender rights was still mostly sotto voce, and advocacy centered on legal documents. At the time, the U.S. Department of State requested proof of sex reassignment surgery for passports issued to transgender people, and forty-seven states made evidence of sex reassignment a requirement for new birth certificates. Three states (Idaho, Ohio, and Tennessee) barred all changes to birth certificates even with proof of sex reassignment. No one really knew how many people in the United States identified as transgender. Research was plentiful on lesbian, gay, and bisexual people, but not on those identifying as transgender. In fact, getting someone to admit to being transgender, even anonymously, was extremely difficult, which made research nearly impossible.
    To a child such as Wyatt, however, saying he was really a girl was as natural as saying he was right-handed. Wayne was still ceding nearly all the decisions about clothing and pronouns to Kelly, but the degree to which Wyatt’s own schoolmates and teachers accepted his feminine nature was slowly making Wayne realize not only that his son’s beliefs and behavior were not going away, but that most everyone else in Wyatt’s orbit accepted him for who he was. It still frustrated Kelly, of course, that Wayne never seemed quite able to accept her opinion about Wyatt until it was validated by someone else. What was clear was that Wyatt’s transition, if that’s what it was, needed to be nurtured.
    A chance to help that transition presented itself in December 2006. The fourth graders were giving a Christmas concert and Wyatt very much wanted to be a part of it. But onstage, the girls wore black skirts and white blouses and stood on one side, and the boys, in black pants, white shirt, and tie, stood on the other. He pleaded with his parents to be allowed to wear a skirt. Wayne wanted no part of the discussion. Kelly enlisted the help of Lisa Erhardt.
    She suggested a solution, a true compromise: Wyatt could wear culottes, the baggy shorts that looked more like a skirt than pants. On the night of the concert, Wayne, in a rare moment of wanting to please Wyatt, presented him with a bouquet of roses. Wyatt stood in the girls’ section, in his black culottes and white blouse, but whether by design or accident, he also stood right on the seam where the girls’ and boys’ sides met. Wyatt was beside himself, beaming with pride and joy throughout the concert. A transition had begun and no one even seemed to notice.

CHAPTER 13
Getting the Anger Out
    B efore starting the fifth grade, all fourth graders, including the twins, were asked to fill out a questionnaire about their thoughts, feelings, and goals for the upcoming school year.
Q: “What do you hope to learn in the fifth grade?”
    Wyatt: “I hope to learn more about history during the History Fair. I want to be Abbie Burgess [an heroic nineteenth-century lighthouse keeper from Maine]. 5th grade will be so cool! I can’t whate I’m gonna rock the 5th