the bait.
With lightning speed,
Sandra once again changed the subject. “Oh, and I like your hospice
nurse, Marissa. She’s totally sassy. Your brothers are already
fighting for her affections. I wish I could stick around and see
who ends up on top….” Sandra paused and lifted her eyebrow for
emphasis, “… of Marissa.”
“ Could you be any more
gauche?” Elizabeth shook her head.
Sandra snorted, wiped her
hands, and crossed to Elizabeth. “Don’t pretend like you’re
shocked. You’re a pervy perv too. And you’re wondering the same
thing. My money is on Billy.”
“ Billy? He barely
acknowledges her.” Sandra paused. “No, I’m thinking Roscoe. He’s
very charming, and he looks like he knows how to wield his
axe.”
“ Oh, my God, they’re my
brothers! Ugh.” A bubble of laughter escaped me and I shook my
head, trying to keep my expression stern. I recognized what they
were doing. They were trying to distract me from my grief and worry
by being silly and gross. It was working.
“ Everyone in this house
needs some sexual healing. Marissa said she had sisters. I wonder
how many she has. If you still don’t want to get on Drew, maybe
she’s got a brother you could ride.” Sandra winked at
me.
“ Just stop, please stop. I
already walked in on the twins using their healing hands. No matter
how much bleach I drink, I’ll never be able to completely cleanse
my mind or forget the horror of that sight.”
“ Wait, did you say twins?”
Sandra paused, glancing over my shoulder as her mind worked. She
refocused her gaze on me. “Were they using healing hands on each
other? Together?”
“ Sandra! That’s
disgusting!” Elizabeth smacked her on the shoulder.
“ What? Men get to
fantasize about ménage à trois with twin sisters, but I’m a sicko
because my spank naughty list includes twin
leprechauns?”
I gagged instinctively,
covering my mouth with my hand, but I also laughed. Through my
fingers I mumbled, “It’s like there’s a party going on in my mouth,
and everyone is throwing up.”
“ That’s
right, Ashley. My mind just went there.” Sandra said this loudly,
her head doing a weird little jazzy pivot. “My mind went to
the double the ginger, double the
fun .”
“ Inappropriate Shrink
Sandra is inappropriate!” Elizabeth wagged her finger at Sandra,
but she was giggling.
“ Seriously, stop.” I shook
my head, holding my stomach—laughing and grossed out and close to
tears of hilarity. “Please!”
Sandra crossed to stand
behind Elizabeth and did a little hip pump dance; she wagged her
eyebrows at me. “You know I like my sushi like I like my men….” She
paused for dramatic effect then added, “…With two slices of
ginger . ”
“ You are such a freak.” I
lost it in a fit of giggles.
Elizabeth was laughing so
hard she had to hold the kitchen counter for balance. Between loud
bursts of chortling, she managed to say, “I like…my men…like I
like…my meat….” She struggled for breath as she wiped tears from
the corners of her eyes.
Sandra, now laughing so
hard that she was completely silent, gasped out, “How’s
that?”
“ Hot with a red…with a
red…with a….”
“ Don’t say it!” Sandra
waved her hands in the air and burst out laughing even harder this
time.
Elizabeth couldn’t finish
for several seconds because she literally could not speak, her eyes
shut tight as she laughed with abandon.
Then she blurted, “Hot with a juicy red
center!”
“ AGH!” I shook my head and
covered my ears.
As luck would have it,
Duane and Beau chose that moment to walk into the
kitchen.
“ AGH!” I yelled again,
horrified but unable to control the laughter that convulsed my
body.
My twin brothers looked at each other then
at the three of us like we were aliens.
I don’t think I could have
stopped laughing if my life depended on it, especially when Duane
asked, his features completely befuddled, “So, uh…what’s for
dinner?”
Then,
With lightning speed,
Sandra once again changed the subject. “Oh, and I like your hospice
nurse, Marissa. She’s totally sassy. Your brothers are already
fighting for her affections. I wish I could stick around and see
who ends up on top….” Sandra paused and lifted her eyebrow for
emphasis, “… of Marissa.”
“ Could you be any more
gauche?” Elizabeth shook her head.
Sandra snorted, wiped her
hands, and crossed to Elizabeth. “Don’t pretend like you’re
shocked. You’re a pervy perv too. And you’re wondering the same
thing. My money is on Billy.”
“ Billy? He barely
acknowledges her.” Sandra paused. “No, I’m thinking Roscoe. He’s
very charming, and he looks like he knows how to wield his
axe.”
“ Oh, my God, they’re my
brothers! Ugh.” A bubble of laughter escaped me and I shook my
head, trying to keep my expression stern. I recognized what they
were doing. They were trying to distract me from my grief and worry
by being silly and gross. It was working.
“ Everyone in this house
needs some sexual healing. Marissa said she had sisters. I wonder
how many she has. If you still don’t want to get on Drew, maybe
she’s got a brother you could ride.” Sandra winked at
me.
“ Just stop, please stop. I
already walked in on the twins using their healing hands. No matter
how much bleach I drink, I’ll never be able to completely cleanse
my mind or forget the horror of that sight.”
“ Wait, did you say twins?”
Sandra paused, glancing over my shoulder as her mind worked. She
refocused her gaze on me. “Were they using healing hands on each
other? Together?”
“ Sandra! That’s
disgusting!” Elizabeth smacked her on the shoulder.
“ What? Men get to
fantasize about ménage à trois with twin sisters, but I’m a sicko
because my spank naughty list includes twin
leprechauns?”
I gagged instinctively,
covering my mouth with my hand, but I also laughed. Through my
fingers I mumbled, “It’s like there’s a party going on in my mouth,
and everyone is throwing up.”
“ That’s
right, Ashley. My mind just went there.” Sandra said this loudly,
her head doing a weird little jazzy pivot. “My mind went to
the double the ginger, double the
fun .”
“ Inappropriate Shrink
Sandra is inappropriate!” Elizabeth wagged her finger at Sandra,
but she was giggling.
“ Seriously, stop.” I shook
my head, holding my stomach—laughing and grossed out and close to
tears of hilarity. “Please!”
Sandra crossed to stand
behind Elizabeth and did a little hip pump dance; she wagged her
eyebrows at me. “You know I like my sushi like I like my men….” She
paused for dramatic effect then added, “…With two slices of
ginger . ”
“ You are such a freak.” I
lost it in a fit of giggles.
Elizabeth was laughing so
hard she had to hold the kitchen counter for balance. Between loud
bursts of chortling, she managed to say, “I like…my men…like I
like…my meat….” She struggled for breath as she wiped tears from
the corners of her eyes.
Sandra, now laughing so
hard that she was completely silent, gasped out, “How’s
that?”
“ Hot with a red…with a
red…with a….”
“ Don’t say it!” Sandra
waved her hands in the air and burst out laughing even harder this
time.
Elizabeth couldn’t finish
for several seconds because she literally could not speak, her eyes
shut tight as she laughed with abandon.
Then she blurted, “Hot with a juicy red
center!”
“ AGH!” I shook my head and
covered my ears.
As luck would have it,
Duane and Beau chose that moment to walk into the
kitchen.
“ AGH!” I yelled again,
horrified but unable to control the laughter that convulsed my
body.
My twin brothers looked at each other then
at the three of us like we were aliens.
I don’t think I could have
stopped laughing if my life depended on it, especially when Duane
asked, his features completely befuddled, “So, uh…what’s for
dinner?”
Then,
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