Beautiful Illusions by Annie Jocoby Page A

issues in such a beautiful package.
    “Your mother, what was her name?” I played dumb.
    “Maggie.”
    “She’s Irish?” I pretended to guess by hearing the name.
    “Yes.”
    I waited for him to say more about her, but he didn’t.
    “So…” He began. “Um, what do you think about what I just told you?”
    I knew that question was coming . “Well, I’m, um, flattered.” Poor choice of words. “Let me start again. I, am, um, um.” I took a deep breath. “Well, it’s really soon.” I finally said.
    He looked hurt. “Yeah, you’re right. ”
    Way to go . But what should I say? 
    We drank our wine in silence for a few minutes. I was feeling really uncomfortable. My emotions couldn’t keep up with everything that was going on between myself and Ryan. I was still stuck on why it is that he would like me, at all, in the first place, and now he was talking about marriage. I guess I was having a hard time believing that any of it was real.
    I was looking at him, thinking that he was going to leave at any moment . Why stick around, when you just poured your heart out, and the girl isn’t responding?  The thing of it was, there was a part of me, buried deep within that brick wall, that wanted to confess that I loved him too.
    But I couldn’t admit that to myself, so I really couldn’t admit it to him.
    He stood up. Well, that’s it, you chased him off once more. He put out his hand for me to grab, which I did. Standing, he hugged me tight, putting his hand on my hair. I could smell his aftershave, and his breath that smelled vaguely of Scotch and beer. Once again, my breath caught, and then started coming back more slowly than before.
    Then we were kissing, slowly, tenderly at first . It was difficult to kiss him standing up, as he was so much taller than myself, so we ended up kissing back on the couch. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, his sensuous lips running lightly, from one shoulder to the other, then on my cheeks, then kissing me on the lips again. I ran my hands along his back, feeling his rock hard muscles. He was laying on top of me, so I could feel his erection through his pants again, but, this time, he did not attempt to move so that his erection was no longer in contact with my body. I was breathing, faster and faster. I could hear my heart, or maybe it was his. It might have been both of our hearts, beating together, faster and faster.
    Somehow, I got his shirt off . I gasped a little at the sight of him. Every muscle rippled in his chest and abs, and his arms were large and lean. He resembled a swimmer - long, lean, cut and hairless. This isn’t happening. This perfect specimen is not in my living room. But it was happening. I was aware that I was breathing very hard. Now my shirt was off. He was kissing my stomach and my braless breasts, working his way up to my neck again. He gently touched my breasts while he kissed my lips hungrily. His erection was growing ever harder by the second, but he was patient. I, however, was not. I unbuckled his belt, and unzipped his pants. I was stunned at the size of his erection, now making a huge tent of his boxer-briefs. I sighed. This might hurt, especially because you haven’t had sex since….well, let’s just say it had been a long time. Except the first time with Ryan, but you don’t remember it, so that doesn’t count.
    He was just down to his socks and boxer-briefs at this point, his massive erection still pitching a tent. I took off my own jeans, as he seemed hesitant to do this . Oh, god, what about protection? We were being careless, but I was on the pill. We never discussed this before, but he whispered in my ear “Are you using anything?”
    I nodded .
    Both of us got completely naked, but Ryan did not enter me for a long time . He was too busy exploring every inch of my body with his tongue. I gasped when his tongue reached my sweet spot. He was so gentle, using long strokes of his tongue, flicking it in and out of my genitals. Then, when