truth is, Carla’s already ambivalent about living in the care of her parents because they’ve been known to be extremely negligent. So, even though I’m delighted that you became so attached to one of our children, I feel that at this time-Roberta?”
Bertie was crying. Hard. Intrusive? She wanted to
help Carla. Make a little girl smile. Not be intrusive. For God’s sake. What was the problem? “I’m sorry,” she said, embarrassed at her own outburst. “I’m so sorry.”
“Is it possible, Roberta,” Dr. Shaw said gently, “that maybe you’re not able to detach yourself enough emotionally from these children to be doing this kind of work? What do you think?”
Bertie didn’t answer. She tried, but she couldn’t answer. Not without crying. She turned and walked out of the building, still carrying the box with Lisa inside. Then she got into her car and drove home.
Later that week, she wrote a note to the Home thanking them for the time during which she had worked there, apologizing for her error in judgment and telling them that she wouldn’t be back. When she put the note into the mailbox at the corner she felt awful.
Why had she behaved like that? Maybe it was because she hadn’t felt really useful to anyone since her summer at the Sunshine Theater. The Sunshine. She still wasn’t sure what she felt about her summer there. After she’d left Beach Haven, there was no doubt in her mind that she and Cee Cee were going to be lifelong friends, even if they did live far apart. But then she got the news of Cee Cee and John’s marriage. No, she thought. This has to be a joke. Out of nowhere. John and Cee Cee. Impossible. She felt left out and deserted. By both of them. She stayed alone in her room for days. Rosie begged her to talk about it. Finally, when Bertie wouldn’t acknowledge her mother’s presence in the room, Rosie announced in a hurt voice, “I know this has something to do with sex, Roberta, and I certainly hope you’re not in trouble.”
Bertie had needed a few months to get over her sadness, even though she knew she’d never been in love with John Perry. Could John have already been in love with Cee Cee and planning to ask her to marry him when he went to bed with Bertie? Was Cee Cee already in love
with John when Bertie told her that she and John had been lovers?
A long time went by before Bertie answered any of Cee Cee’s many letters. Cee Cee never, in any of them, mentioned Bertie’s brief moment with John. Maybe when people got married they liked to act as though all the previous sex partners either of them ever had were somehow magically canceled out. Bertie had been sure that the man she would marry would be a man of so much sensitivity that she would easily be able to tell him everything about herself, including the story of that summer in Beach Haven when she lost her virginity.
After a few months passed, Bertie started feeling better about everything. She was glad Cee Cee was still writing to her, and she wrote back. Long, newsy letters. Sometimes she used her letters to Cee Cee as a kind of diary, jotting down random thoughts, leaving one letter on her night table for a few weeks and adding to it late at night when she couldn’t sleep. In fact, it was better than a diary because Cee Cee always answered her.
The summer after her freshman year in college, Bertie met Michael. Michael Barron was first in his class at Pitt Law School. He was very refined. That’s what Bertie loved about him. He was nothing like most of the grubby, beer-swilling college boys she had been meeting. He was very well groomed, almost elegant. Set in his ways, in a grown-up, reasonable, fatherly way. He gave advice to the other law students, advice to Bertie’s friends who had problems, in a calm, even tone of voice that made Bertie feel as though nothing could go wrong that Michael couldn’t fix. She loved that.
She also loved that when they were together they called themselves Mickey and Minnie
Bertie was crying. Hard. Intrusive? She wanted to
help Carla. Make a little girl smile. Not be intrusive. For God’s sake. What was the problem? “I’m sorry,” she said, embarrassed at her own outburst. “I’m so sorry.”
“Is it possible, Roberta,” Dr. Shaw said gently, “that maybe you’re not able to detach yourself enough emotionally from these children to be doing this kind of work? What do you think?”
Bertie didn’t answer. She tried, but she couldn’t answer. Not without crying. She turned and walked out of the building, still carrying the box with Lisa inside. Then she got into her car and drove home.
Later that week, she wrote a note to the Home thanking them for the time during which she had worked there, apologizing for her error in judgment and telling them that she wouldn’t be back. When she put the note into the mailbox at the corner she felt awful.
Why had she behaved like that? Maybe it was because she hadn’t felt really useful to anyone since her summer at the Sunshine Theater. The Sunshine. She still wasn’t sure what she felt about her summer there. After she’d left Beach Haven, there was no doubt in her mind that she and Cee Cee were going to be lifelong friends, even if they did live far apart. But then she got the news of Cee Cee and John’s marriage. No, she thought. This has to be a joke. Out of nowhere. John and Cee Cee. Impossible. She felt left out and deserted. By both of them. She stayed alone in her room for days. Rosie begged her to talk about it. Finally, when Bertie wouldn’t acknowledge her mother’s presence in the room, Rosie announced in a hurt voice, “I know this has something to do with sex, Roberta, and I certainly hope you’re not in trouble.”
Bertie had needed a few months to get over her sadness, even though she knew she’d never been in love with John Perry. Could John have already been in love with Cee Cee and planning to ask her to marry him when he went to bed with Bertie? Was Cee Cee already in love
with John when Bertie told her that she and John had been lovers?
A long time went by before Bertie answered any of Cee Cee’s many letters. Cee Cee never, in any of them, mentioned Bertie’s brief moment with John. Maybe when people got married they liked to act as though all the previous sex partners either of them ever had were somehow magically canceled out. Bertie had been sure that the man she would marry would be a man of so much sensitivity that she would easily be able to tell him everything about herself, including the story of that summer in Beach Haven when she lost her virginity.
After a few months passed, Bertie started feeling better about everything. She was glad Cee Cee was still writing to her, and she wrote back. Long, newsy letters. Sometimes she used her letters to Cee Cee as a kind of diary, jotting down random thoughts, leaving one letter on her night table for a few weeks and adding to it late at night when she couldn’t sleep. In fact, it was better than a diary because Cee Cee always answered her.
The summer after her freshman year in college, Bertie met Michael. Michael Barron was first in his class at Pitt Law School. He was very refined. That’s what Bertie loved about him. He was nothing like most of the grubby, beer-swilling college boys she had been meeting. He was very well groomed, almost elegant. Set in his ways, in a grown-up, reasonable, fatherly way. He gave advice to the other law students, advice to Bertie’s friends who had problems, in a calm, even tone of voice that made Bertie feel as though nothing could go wrong that Michael couldn’t fix. She loved that.
She also loved that when they were together they called themselves Mickey and Minnie
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