euphoria crashed inside. “Stephen.”
He put up his hand. “Please, I don’t want to hear anything. We came here together, but you left me down here for hours.”
“I apologize for that. We fell asleep.” I put my arms out to him, but he moved away.
“Of course you did. You had the fucking time of your life and left me here alone.” He glanced over to Daniel. “He passed out after a few drinks, and I’ve been sitting here trying really hard not to think of you and Charles. Maybe after the first two hours I was doing fine, but for these last two, they didn’t go so well for me.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I didn’t know what else to say. “We should get going before anyone awakens. We need to get back to our carriage and head back. Come on.”
He faced me and put his hands on his hips. “I have a question for you before we go, and I want you to be honest.” He looked away to gather his thoughts and then said, “Did you think about my feelings at all before you fucked him alone in his room for four hours?”
“Stephen, we can talk about this in the morning. Let’s go.” I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.
“Did I hit a sore spot with my lady of the rags? How would you have felt if I had fucked someone you liked and left you alone for hours in the kitchens?” He didn’t wait for me to respond but itched for an argument. “I bet you would be angry at me, knowing that I took the boy you liked and put my hand on his cock and let him come in my mouth and then laughed and fell asleep in his arms. How would you feel?”
I ripped my arm away from him and pointed at the doorway. “I’m leaving.” I started to head out of the room but spun around and said, “Charles likes girls. He doesn’t like boys. He’s never going to like you that way. Don’t you get that? If I thought he might like you, I would not have stepped in and taken him from you, but there’s nothing there. I’m a girl, and he likes me. He doesn’t want to be with a sodomite!”
The words left my mouth, and I could not take them back. A surprised look crossed Stephen’s face and then was quickly replaced with one of disappointment and hurt. He gathered his coat and left out another door. I started to go after him, but he turned on me. “If you weren’t so blind, you’d see that it isn’t just boys I like. I like you as well. But you’re too stupid to see that.” He waved me away in disgust. “Just go back to your house lord and leave me alone.”
I stopped and watched his back as he left the kitchens and disappeared from view. The fire crackled, and in the course of a few minutes, my night went from such a great high and a wonderful night of fun and pleasure to an extremely dark place. I gathered myself and rushed outside to find the carriage. Thomas saw me coming and came to greet me. He had moved the horses into the stable since it was so late and cold. He explained that it would take some time for him to bring them out and hook them back up to the carriage, but I didn’t really hear him. I nodded and enjoyed the cold. It nipped at me and made me feel alive. In the sky, the moon hung low and its light blanketed the land. The snow glistened and appeared to glow in magical light with tiny bits of ice that reflected the moonlight. The stars twinkled and a few wispy clouds blew by, and I started to cry, but stopped myself and held it all in because of the cold.
On the way back to the house, I curled up in the back of the carriage all alone with a blanket wrapped around me, and my thoughts drifted back to Charles and to Stephen. I was tired and needed sleep. In the morning, I would feel better, the light of day would erase the dark of night and I would sort everything out. The carriage bumped along on our journey back home, and it resembled my thoughts being jostled around inside. I closed my eyes and kept seeing my argument with Stephen playing again and again in my head. The words he said and mine kept
He put up his hand. “Please, I don’t want to hear anything. We came here together, but you left me down here for hours.”
“I apologize for that. We fell asleep.” I put my arms out to him, but he moved away.
“Of course you did. You had the fucking time of your life and left me here alone.” He glanced over to Daniel. “He passed out after a few drinks, and I’ve been sitting here trying really hard not to think of you and Charles. Maybe after the first two hours I was doing fine, but for these last two, they didn’t go so well for me.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I didn’t know what else to say. “We should get going before anyone awakens. We need to get back to our carriage and head back. Come on.”
He faced me and put his hands on his hips. “I have a question for you before we go, and I want you to be honest.” He looked away to gather his thoughts and then said, “Did you think about my feelings at all before you fucked him alone in his room for four hours?”
“Stephen, we can talk about this in the morning. Let’s go.” I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.
“Did I hit a sore spot with my lady of the rags? How would you have felt if I had fucked someone you liked and left you alone for hours in the kitchens?” He didn’t wait for me to respond but itched for an argument. “I bet you would be angry at me, knowing that I took the boy you liked and put my hand on his cock and let him come in my mouth and then laughed and fell asleep in his arms. How would you feel?”
I ripped my arm away from him and pointed at the doorway. “I’m leaving.” I started to head out of the room but spun around and said, “Charles likes girls. He doesn’t like boys. He’s never going to like you that way. Don’t you get that? If I thought he might like you, I would not have stepped in and taken him from you, but there’s nothing there. I’m a girl, and he likes me. He doesn’t want to be with a sodomite!”
The words left my mouth, and I could not take them back. A surprised look crossed Stephen’s face and then was quickly replaced with one of disappointment and hurt. He gathered his coat and left out another door. I started to go after him, but he turned on me. “If you weren’t so blind, you’d see that it isn’t just boys I like. I like you as well. But you’re too stupid to see that.” He waved me away in disgust. “Just go back to your house lord and leave me alone.”
I stopped and watched his back as he left the kitchens and disappeared from view. The fire crackled, and in the course of a few minutes, my night went from such a great high and a wonderful night of fun and pleasure to an extremely dark place. I gathered myself and rushed outside to find the carriage. Thomas saw me coming and came to greet me. He had moved the horses into the stable since it was so late and cold. He explained that it would take some time for him to bring them out and hook them back up to the carriage, but I didn’t really hear him. I nodded and enjoyed the cold. It nipped at me and made me feel alive. In the sky, the moon hung low and its light blanketed the land. The snow glistened and appeared to glow in magical light with tiny bits of ice that reflected the moonlight. The stars twinkled and a few wispy clouds blew by, and I started to cry, but stopped myself and held it all in because of the cold.
On the way back to the house, I curled up in the back of the carriage all alone with a blanket wrapped around me, and my thoughts drifted back to Charles and to Stephen. I was tired and needed sleep. In the morning, I would feel better, the light of day would erase the dark of night and I would sort everything out. The carriage bumped along on our journey back home, and it resembled my thoughts being jostled around inside. I closed my eyes and kept seeing my argument with Stephen playing again and again in my head. The words he said and mine kept
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