of this betrothal, why do you need to marry me? Once you are free, you could marry anyone.”
“But I want to marry you.”
“ Why ?”
“Because I value your strength and your ability to see me as I am now, and not as I once was. Because my family… they won’t understand, and I need someone, I need you to stand by my side and believe in me. The new me.”
She briefly closed her eyes. “Oh God, Marcus. Why did you have to say that?”
“Because it is the truth?” He hesitated. “I’m asking for your help.”
“But this is marriage we are talking about. It is a lifelong commitment. You don’t love me, and I don’t love you.”
“Which has never been an impediment to a wedding among members of our class, you know that. We like each other.” He lowered his voice. “We also enjoy each other in bed. Neither of us is ready to fall in love. I’m not even sure if I’m capable of it, and you’ve already lost the love of your life. Isn’t it better to know your heart will be safe with me from the onset?”
“This is madness.”
“No, this is real .”
“What happens when you reclaim your true self? What use will I be to you then?”
He held her gaze. “I can never be that man again. I know that in my soul. You know it. War changes a person. You couldn’t settle into the peace of Dove Cottage forever, you’ve seen too much, and so have I.”
“Marcus…
“If I return to my family like this and without you as my wife, I’m… afraid of what will happen.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m afraid that I won’t be able to trust them again, and that I’ll have to leave again and… that would be a double betrayal of everything they once believed about me.”
“But—”
“They might decide that I am insane if I face them alone. I have no desire to be sent to Bedlam while my brother takes over my estates.” He swallowed hard. “I need you with me. I need you to believe in me and tell me the truth.”
He couldn’t quite believe he was spilling his worst fears out, but it reminded him of why Amelia had become so important to him. He felt safe with her. She’d seen him at his worst, when he didn’t even know his own name, and she’d never backed away from the truth.
“Tunbridge Wells Coach!”
He winced as the coachman bellowed from the door.
“I have to go to my friend.” Amelia gathered her bags around her. “I have my pride. Can’t you understand that ? I wish to be free. I am not a thing to be rescued and used for your own ends.”
He rose too and stared at her as a faint stirring of anger lodged in his stomach. “I’ve never thought you a coward, Mrs. Smith. But hiding yourself away in a school?”
“I’ll earn a wage, I’ll be…”
“Safe?” He took a step back. “I do understand that. If you change your mind, write to me, and I’ll come for you. No questions asked.” He bowed. “I owe you my life.”
She had half-turned away from him and swung back, her chin high. “I am not a coward.”
“Then come with me and share this adventure. I can guarantee you won’t be bored. We can keep each other safe.”
She picked up her bags and stormed out of the room, leaving him staring at the table. He could hardly blame her. What a ham-fisted mess he’d made of it.
The final call for the Tunbridge Wells coach went out. He turned blindly toward the door, trying to avoid the tide of passengers, hating all the bodies shoving and pushing around him. It felt like a rout. Which was at least fitting, as they were both running away.
He gulped in some fresh air and scanned the stable yard as the fully loaded coach trundled out under the archway, making the outside passengers hang onto their hats as it took a sharp left turn. A sudden peace descended on the frantic yard, and he heard the chirping sparrows and the bawdy jokes of the ostlers as they worked within the stables.
“Marcus.”
He turned to see a vision dressed in sensible dark blue. He tried to
“But I want to marry you.”
“ Why ?”
“Because I value your strength and your ability to see me as I am now, and not as I once was. Because my family… they won’t understand, and I need someone, I need you to stand by my side and believe in me. The new me.”
She briefly closed her eyes. “Oh God, Marcus. Why did you have to say that?”
“Because it is the truth?” He hesitated. “I’m asking for your help.”
“But this is marriage we are talking about. It is a lifelong commitment. You don’t love me, and I don’t love you.”
“Which has never been an impediment to a wedding among members of our class, you know that. We like each other.” He lowered his voice. “We also enjoy each other in bed. Neither of us is ready to fall in love. I’m not even sure if I’m capable of it, and you’ve already lost the love of your life. Isn’t it better to know your heart will be safe with me from the onset?”
“This is madness.”
“No, this is real .”
“What happens when you reclaim your true self? What use will I be to you then?”
He held her gaze. “I can never be that man again. I know that in my soul. You know it. War changes a person. You couldn’t settle into the peace of Dove Cottage forever, you’ve seen too much, and so have I.”
“Marcus…
“If I return to my family like this and without you as my wife, I’m… afraid of what will happen.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m afraid that I won’t be able to trust them again, and that I’ll have to leave again and… that would be a double betrayal of everything they once believed about me.”
“But—”
“They might decide that I am insane if I face them alone. I have no desire to be sent to Bedlam while my brother takes over my estates.” He swallowed hard. “I need you with me. I need you to believe in me and tell me the truth.”
He couldn’t quite believe he was spilling his worst fears out, but it reminded him of why Amelia had become so important to him. He felt safe with her. She’d seen him at his worst, when he didn’t even know his own name, and she’d never backed away from the truth.
“Tunbridge Wells Coach!”
He winced as the coachman bellowed from the door.
“I have to go to my friend.” Amelia gathered her bags around her. “I have my pride. Can’t you understand that ? I wish to be free. I am not a thing to be rescued and used for your own ends.”
He rose too and stared at her as a faint stirring of anger lodged in his stomach. “I’ve never thought you a coward, Mrs. Smith. But hiding yourself away in a school?”
“I’ll earn a wage, I’ll be…”
“Safe?” He took a step back. “I do understand that. If you change your mind, write to me, and I’ll come for you. No questions asked.” He bowed. “I owe you my life.”
She had half-turned away from him and swung back, her chin high. “I am not a coward.”
“Then come with me and share this adventure. I can guarantee you won’t be bored. We can keep each other safe.”
She picked up her bags and stormed out of the room, leaving him staring at the table. He could hardly blame her. What a ham-fisted mess he’d made of it.
The final call for the Tunbridge Wells coach went out. He turned blindly toward the door, trying to avoid the tide of passengers, hating all the bodies shoving and pushing around him. It felt like a rout. Which was at least fitting, as they were both running away.
He gulped in some fresh air and scanned the stable yard as the fully loaded coach trundled out under the archway, making the outside passengers hang onto their hats as it took a sharp left turn. A sudden peace descended on the frantic yard, and he heard the chirping sparrows and the bawdy jokes of the ostlers as they worked within the stables.
“Marcus.”
He turned to see a vision dressed in sensible dark blue. He tried to
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