Lorna coming back toward them.
“Maybe I am. Anyway, it’s not just me. I just want to keep everyone sharp and get us ready so we can clear out of here after the winter and make a fresh start.”
“What’s there to be ready for? What do you think’s going to happen? I’m guessing we’ll all just wander off in different directions and forget about all of this. That’s what I’m planning. As soon as the bodies are gone I’m going to find myself a decent-sized house, get plenty of supplies in, then do as little as possible for as long as I can.”
“And you’ll be happy with that?”
“I reckon I will.”
“There’s got to be more to life than that, though.”
“Has there? Sounds pretty idyllic to me.”
“But we don’t all have that freedom, do we? What about Aiden? He’s only twelve. We can’t leave him to fend for himself.”
“He’ll be okay. He won’t have much choice. He’ll grow up fast enough. Anyway, there’s a few mother hens here who’d be more than willing to take him under their wings.”
“There might be other kids.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know, and that’s the point. We can’t just split up and look after ourselves at the expense of everyone else. If we want the human race to survive then we—”
“Who said anything about that?”
“What?”
“All this ‘human race’ bullshit. It isn’t my concern, mate. I’ve tried all that and it doesn’t work. It’s over. We’re too far gone. You should stop stressing and get used to relaxing. We don’t need to dig for water, ’cause there’s millions of bottles of the stuff in the supermarket up and down the country, just waiting to be taken. And there’s plenty more besides—lakes, rivers, reservoirs…”
“So what about food?”
“Same. Just keep looting.”
“But it’ll all run out eventually and then—”
“—and then it won’t be my problem. I’ll be long gone. Dead and buried.”
“Well, not buried, not if you’re alone. You’ll die in your armchair, feet up in front of your TV that doesn’t work.”
“Just dead, then. So what? I won’t care. Point is, Jackson, I’ve already lost everything that mattered. I worked my bollocks off for my family, and I did everything I could for them. They meant more to me than anything else in the world, you know. But none of that meant anything because, in the end, there was fuck all I could do to help them. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t ease the pain. Bloody hell, I wasn’t even there for them when they died. I was on my own. I was a security guard, looking after a new-built shopping center that wasn’t even going to open for another month, and I should have been at home. Seems to me, the harder I’ve tried since then, the more fucked-up things have got.
“So I’ve made a decision and I’ve stopped. I’m not even going to try anymore. And if you want to waste your time doing stuff like this, then you go for it. Just don’t expect me to help.”
15
The small classroom had begun to resemble a sixth-form common room. Someone could be found in there most of the time, but the only person who used the room for its originally intended purpose now was Zoe, and the only reason she chose to work there was because it was the warmest place in the entire castle. She’d tried studying in her caravan, but it was nigh on impossible to concentrate there, even if she shut herself in the small, square bathroom and sat on the disconnected pan. As well as the subzero temperature, she was also having to share the confined space with Caron and Lorna, and with Melanie too now, who’d moved out of the caravan next door a few days earlier after an argument with Sue about something so trivial that neither of them could even remember what it was. And sharing with Melanie inevitably meant having to put up with either late-night visits from a stream of men (which drove Lorna crazy) or her coming in and out at all hours, usually having had more
“Maybe I am. Anyway, it’s not just me. I just want to keep everyone sharp and get us ready so we can clear out of here after the winter and make a fresh start.”
“What’s there to be ready for? What do you think’s going to happen? I’m guessing we’ll all just wander off in different directions and forget about all of this. That’s what I’m planning. As soon as the bodies are gone I’m going to find myself a decent-sized house, get plenty of supplies in, then do as little as possible for as long as I can.”
“And you’ll be happy with that?”
“I reckon I will.”
“There’s got to be more to life than that, though.”
“Has there? Sounds pretty idyllic to me.”
“But we don’t all have that freedom, do we? What about Aiden? He’s only twelve. We can’t leave him to fend for himself.”
“He’ll be okay. He won’t have much choice. He’ll grow up fast enough. Anyway, there’s a few mother hens here who’d be more than willing to take him under their wings.”
“There might be other kids.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know, and that’s the point. We can’t just split up and look after ourselves at the expense of everyone else. If we want the human race to survive then we—”
“Who said anything about that?”
“What?”
“All this ‘human race’ bullshit. It isn’t my concern, mate. I’ve tried all that and it doesn’t work. It’s over. We’re too far gone. You should stop stressing and get used to relaxing. We don’t need to dig for water, ’cause there’s millions of bottles of the stuff in the supermarket up and down the country, just waiting to be taken. And there’s plenty more besides—lakes, rivers, reservoirs…”
“So what about food?”
“Same. Just keep looting.”
“But it’ll all run out eventually and then—”
“—and then it won’t be my problem. I’ll be long gone. Dead and buried.”
“Well, not buried, not if you’re alone. You’ll die in your armchair, feet up in front of your TV that doesn’t work.”
“Just dead, then. So what? I won’t care. Point is, Jackson, I’ve already lost everything that mattered. I worked my bollocks off for my family, and I did everything I could for them. They meant more to me than anything else in the world, you know. But none of that meant anything because, in the end, there was fuck all I could do to help them. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t ease the pain. Bloody hell, I wasn’t even there for them when they died. I was on my own. I was a security guard, looking after a new-built shopping center that wasn’t even going to open for another month, and I should have been at home. Seems to me, the harder I’ve tried since then, the more fucked-up things have got.
“So I’ve made a decision and I’ve stopped. I’m not even going to try anymore. And if you want to waste your time doing stuff like this, then you go for it. Just don’t expect me to help.”
15
The small classroom had begun to resemble a sixth-form common room. Someone could be found in there most of the time, but the only person who used the room for its originally intended purpose now was Zoe, and the only reason she chose to work there was because it was the warmest place in the entire castle. She’d tried studying in her caravan, but it was nigh on impossible to concentrate there, even if she shut herself in the small, square bathroom and sat on the disconnected pan. As well as the subzero temperature, she was also having to share the confined space with Caron and Lorna, and with Melanie too now, who’d moved out of the caravan next door a few days earlier after an argument with Sue about something so trivial that neither of them could even remember what it was. And sharing with Melanie inevitably meant having to put up with either late-night visits from a stream of men (which drove Lorna crazy) or her coming in and out at all hours, usually having had more
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