together for a brief moment of confus ion, but clarity comes quickly and she offers me a shy smile. “Oh. Yikes. Okay, then. Bye.”
She slams the door behind her and I hobble to the bathroom to start what has become a very familiar and necessary habit.
Chapter 19
(Audrey)
Sex is my new obsession.
I’m obsessed.
I think about it before I go to bed and when I wake up. I think about it in the car, at work, and on the way home. The exposure therapy has lit a fire under my skin, the touching and constant arousal, but never completion. Not with a partner. Not with Graham. I only find release with my fingers and the rocket.
There’s an elephant in the room. It’s silent but visible. Calm, but one look in its direction and God knows what will happen. Will it erupt? Shrink from exposure? Come at me aggressively? Whatever we do, I can’t ignore it any longer.
Oh , and in case my metaphor isn’t clear, it’s not an elephant, it’s a penis; and no matter how hard Graham tries, it’s unwilling to continue in its role as a passive participant.
We’re in the same position as last time, straddling the bench across from one another. I’ m shirtless (okay, I’m wearing a bra, but it’s thin.) He’s shirtless. My panties are on. So are his boxers. My nipples are erect and so is his cock. He hasn’t touched them yet. They’re eager, crawling through the fabric of my bra, but I’m scared. Shitless. I’m aware that one thing always leads to another; and this is the tip of the knife. I try to hide my fear behind calm breaths and steady hands; but my neck turns pink. When I’m nervous I itch, and then I scratch, leaving long, red streaks up and down my thighs from my nails.
Graham has his own tells. Tight eyes. Clenched jaw. The way his abdomen tenses. We’re both struggling in our own ways. I glance down and wonder…maybe this could go in another direction?
“Are you in pain?” I ask, breaking the tension. His eyes lift from my chest and he arches an eyebrow. I point. “Down there.”
“No,” he lies. I raise my eyebrow to match his and he l aughs, dimples appearing. “A little.”
I ease a little closer , and say, “Is it against the rules for me to touch you?”
“Um. Well, uh…” He grapples for words. “ No, but, I’m not sure you should.”
“Why not ?”
“This is about your anxiety, not my discomfort.”
“Well, I’m getting anxious being the center of attention all the fucking time.”
His eyes grow wide at my cursing. “We’re exposing you to your anxieties. What does touching me have to do with anything?”
I feel a flare of anger in my chest. “It has to do with the grand scheme of things. Exactly when do you plan on whipping that thing out?”
“When we reach that level.”
I cross my arms over my chest, covering everything up. “I’m ready now. We spend a lot of time focused on my body , but you’re here, too. Eventually, I’m going to have to become comfortable with you before we get to the end zone. Dr. Markson agrees.”
His eyes narrow slightly and I know he’s considering it , but he’s not completely swayed. I try again. “I know this is awkward. I’m topless and clearly a little aroused. You’re obviously more than a little…excited. How about I take this by the head, or well,” I laugh. Even I can tell how high pitched and hysterical my voice sounds. “Let me take you by the head and get this over with.”
He looks to the ceiling, seeming to be in some sort of internal battle. Finally , he says, “Okay. You’re right. It’s not as if we’re not going there at some point. I trust that you’re ready.”
“I’m ready ,” I repeat, now feeling a slight wave of panic. “It’s time for me to meet the guy that’s been playing peek-a-boo at me for weeks now.”
We both laugh and it’s obvious that h e’s not nervous; in fact, I’m still the one with shaking hands. I’m not sure how far I can go with this, but at least I’ve
She slams the door behind her and I hobble to the bathroom to start what has become a very familiar and necessary habit.
Chapter 19
(Audrey)
Sex is my new obsession.
I’m obsessed.
I think about it before I go to bed and when I wake up. I think about it in the car, at work, and on the way home. The exposure therapy has lit a fire under my skin, the touching and constant arousal, but never completion. Not with a partner. Not with Graham. I only find release with my fingers and the rocket.
There’s an elephant in the room. It’s silent but visible. Calm, but one look in its direction and God knows what will happen. Will it erupt? Shrink from exposure? Come at me aggressively? Whatever we do, I can’t ignore it any longer.
Oh , and in case my metaphor isn’t clear, it’s not an elephant, it’s a penis; and no matter how hard Graham tries, it’s unwilling to continue in its role as a passive participant.
We’re in the same position as last time, straddling the bench across from one another. I’ m shirtless (okay, I’m wearing a bra, but it’s thin.) He’s shirtless. My panties are on. So are his boxers. My nipples are erect and so is his cock. He hasn’t touched them yet. They’re eager, crawling through the fabric of my bra, but I’m scared. Shitless. I’m aware that one thing always leads to another; and this is the tip of the knife. I try to hide my fear behind calm breaths and steady hands; but my neck turns pink. When I’m nervous I itch, and then I scratch, leaving long, red streaks up and down my thighs from my nails.
Graham has his own tells. Tight eyes. Clenched jaw. The way his abdomen tenses. We’re both struggling in our own ways. I glance down and wonder…maybe this could go in another direction?
“Are you in pain?” I ask, breaking the tension. His eyes lift from my chest and he arches an eyebrow. I point. “Down there.”
“No,” he lies. I raise my eyebrow to match his and he l aughs, dimples appearing. “A little.”
I ease a little closer , and say, “Is it against the rules for me to touch you?”
“Um. Well, uh…” He grapples for words. “ No, but, I’m not sure you should.”
“Why not ?”
“This is about your anxiety, not my discomfort.”
“Well, I’m getting anxious being the center of attention all the fucking time.”
His eyes grow wide at my cursing. “We’re exposing you to your anxieties. What does touching me have to do with anything?”
I feel a flare of anger in my chest. “It has to do with the grand scheme of things. Exactly when do you plan on whipping that thing out?”
“When we reach that level.”
I cross my arms over my chest, covering everything up. “I’m ready now. We spend a lot of time focused on my body , but you’re here, too. Eventually, I’m going to have to become comfortable with you before we get to the end zone. Dr. Markson agrees.”
His eyes narrow slightly and I know he’s considering it , but he’s not completely swayed. I try again. “I know this is awkward. I’m topless and clearly a little aroused. You’re obviously more than a little…excited. How about I take this by the head, or well,” I laugh. Even I can tell how high pitched and hysterical my voice sounds. “Let me take you by the head and get this over with.”
He looks to the ceiling, seeming to be in some sort of internal battle. Finally , he says, “Okay. You’re right. It’s not as if we’re not going there at some point. I trust that you’re ready.”
“I’m ready ,” I repeat, now feeling a slight wave of panic. “It’s time for me to meet the guy that’s been playing peek-a-boo at me for weeks now.”
We both laugh and it’s obvious that h e’s not nervous; in fact, I’m still the one with shaking hands. I’m not sure how far I can go with this, but at least I’ve
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