Arcadio by William Goyen Page B

it, I says, and Tomasso took out the Bull Durham sack and took out the little soft hair and I touched it. A virgin’s, Tomasso said. Sí , I said. Una virgen . He looked a look at me that was agoing to ask me the question and I says don’t ask me that again, muñeco .
    I wish now that I had found out what sweet Tomasso thought of me I wish now that I had asked him more questions, I wish now that I had asked all my listeners more questions. Even in the Show I wish that I had asked my gazers questions, we could have had some conversations, I wish that I had torn the lock on the door and torn the bars from the windows and invited people from the town to visit me in my jewel glass wagon. We could have had a conversation. Quizás perhaps I would not now have to sing so much if I had had some conversations. Sometimes we do not know who we are talking to like the Biblia Blanca story of the stranger walking on the road. And it was Jesucristo come again! Sometimes I do not know if being found is being lost, if who I find is who I lose, I only wander, looking and singing, everthing is taken from me ‘cept the love of Jesucristo , soon I will not hunt and search no more, I will set down somewhere in love of God and seeing Jesucristo at my side. If people that I find do not run away from me they sink away from me cold upon my breast. I’m always left alone again. At least I have been twice, mi madre and Tomasso. Jesucristo will not go, he will not go.
    But in a town in the rain I saw in a shed a man looked like Hondo and I got under the shed and saw that twas Hondo Holloway. Abrazo! Abrazo! I cried—but don’t hug me too hard you do not know your own strength—and we had a reunion. But oh you are ahuggin a sad individual, I says, since I lose you a terrible thing has happened, I am heartbroke, I said to Hondo. And I told Hondo the desgracia misfortune of the blessed little Tomasso. We cried and Hondo said oh my God, said what happened to my boy Tomasso. He was hungry I said acryin. Well didn’t you give him something to eat? He ate! I cried. Tomasso ate! And yet the people said he died of hunger. Hambre? Hambre? I cried out crazy. Hondo help me; that he died of hunger? He never said that he was hungry! Hunger! I cried to Hondo. Hunger! Hondo said you goan go loco on that word. I don know any of the particulars of what happened but it would seem to me that God took Tomasso by starving him on earth, our food on earth did not feed him. So, I whispered to Hondo, Jesucristo in La Biblia Blanca said that you can eat and eat of this bread but you will still be hungry. Hondo said I believe Tomasso was meant to go to Heaven. Virgen’s Heaven, I says. Sí , answered Hondo. He has joined with Sweet Janine. They both was meant to go to Heaven. Not for this earth, I says, and was acryin. You cryin? said Hondo. I guess a little I says. You? I guess a little, Hondo says. The boy’s worth some of our cryin, some tears, I says. And the sweet girl too, says Hondo, and we cried together for Tomasso that we had loved so much and had gone on. But I did not cry so much for Sweet Janine because I never did know her. My face is full of tears, I says. And here’s a big tear fell on my hand, said Hondo. I have had me some esperience with the sweet ones that make the big tears fall so you can listen to me, Hondo consoled me. It’s fuckin hard to lose the little sweet ones in this old world. I shed my tears over that and am workin to make amends of forgiveness. So am I Hondo, I says. And we cried some more a little and thanked God and Jesucristo that we was together again.
    I will not now tell you of my adventure with the Medium Gloria Ox, Hondo said to me, we will save that one for a rainy day. But this is one, I says to Hondo, a rainy day. Tis an espression, says Hondo. O.K. I says, Jesucristo another gringo espression. I will wait to hear of your esperience with Gloria Ox. I will only add that it was a