weeks. lady croom: Sixteen years and
eleven months. We must have you married before you are educated beyond
eligibility. Thomasina: I am going to marry Lord Byron. lady croom: Are you? He
did not have the manners to mention it. Thomasina: You have spoken to him?!
lady croom: Certainly not. Thomasina: Where did you see him? lady croom: (With
some bitterness) Everywhere. Thomasina: Did you, Septimus? Septimus: At the
Royal Academy where I had the honour to accompany your mother and Count
Zelinsky. Thomasina: What was Lord Byron doing? lady croom: Posing. Septimus: (Tactfully) He was being sketched during his visit ...
by the Professor of Painting ... Mr Fuseli.
lady croom: There was more posing at the pictures
than in them. His companion likewise reversed the custom of the Academy
that the ladies viewing wear more than the ladies viewed—well, enough! Let him
be hanged there for a Lamb. I have enough with Mr Noakes, who is to a garden
what a bull is to a china shop. (This as noakes enters.)
Thomasina: The Emperor of Irregularity!
(She settles down to drawing the diagram which is to be
the third item in the surviving portfolio.)
lady croom: Mr Noakes!
noakes: Your ladyship—
lady croom: What have you done to me!
noakes: Everything is satisfactory, I assure you. A little behind,
to be sure, but my dam will be repaired within the month—
lady croom: (Banging the table) Hush!
(In the silence, the steam engine thumps in the
distance.) Can you hear, Mr Noakes?
noakes: (Pleased and proud) The Improved Newcomen
steam pump—the only one in England!
lady croom: That is what I object to. If everybody had his
own I would bear my portion of the agony without complaint. But to have been
singled out by the only Improved Newcomen steam pump in England, this is hard,
sir, this is not to be borne.
noakes: Your lady—
lady croom: And for what? My lake is drained to a ditch for
no purpose I can understand, unless it be that snipe and curlew have deserted
three counties so that they may be shot in our swamp. What you painted as
forest is a mean plantation, your greenery is mud, your waterfall is wet mud, and
your mount is an opencast mine for the mud that was lacking in the dell. (Pointing
through the window.) What is that cowshed?
noakes: The hermitage, my lady?
lady croom: It is a cowshed.
noakes: Madam, it is, I assure you, a very habitable cottage,
properly founded and drained, two rooms and a closet under a slate roof and a
stone chimney—lady croom: And who is to live in it? noakes: Why, the hermit.
lady croom: Where is he? noakes: Madam? lady croom: You surely do not supply a
hermitage without a hermit? noakes: Indeed, madam-lady croom: Come, come, Mr
Noakes. If I am promised a fountain I expect it to come with water. What
hermits do you have? noakes: I have no hermits, my lady. lady croom: Not one? I
am speechless. noakes: I am sure a hermit can be found. One could advertise.
lady croom: Advertise? noakes: In the newspapers. lady croom: But surely a
hermit who takes a newspaper is not a hermit in whom one can have complete confidence.
noakes: I do not know what to suggest, my lady. Septimus: Is there room for a
piano? noakes: (Baffled) A piano? lady croom: We are intruding here—this
will not do, Mr
Hodge. Evidently, nothing is being learned. (To noakes)
Come along, sir! Thomasina: Mr Noakes—bad news from Paris!
noakes: Is it the Emperor Napoleon? THOMASINA: No. (She tears the page off
her drawing block y with her
‘diagram’ on it.) It concerns your heat engine.
Improve it as you will, you can never get out of it what you put in. It repays
eleven pence in the shilling at most. The penny is for this author’s thoughts.
(She gives the diagram to Septimus who looks at
it.) noakes: (Baffled again) Thank you, my lady.
(noakes goes out into the garden.) lady croom: (To
Septimus) Do you understand her? Septimus: No. lady croom: Then this business
is over. I was married at seventeen. Ce soir ilfaut qu’on
eleven months. We must have you married before you are educated beyond
eligibility. Thomasina: I am going to marry Lord Byron. lady croom: Are you? He
did not have the manners to mention it. Thomasina: You have spoken to him?!
lady croom: Certainly not. Thomasina: Where did you see him? lady croom: (With
some bitterness) Everywhere. Thomasina: Did you, Septimus? Septimus: At the
Royal Academy where I had the honour to accompany your mother and Count
Zelinsky. Thomasina: What was Lord Byron doing? lady croom: Posing. Septimus: (Tactfully) He was being sketched during his visit ...
by the Professor of Painting ... Mr Fuseli.
lady croom: There was more posing at the pictures
than in them. His companion likewise reversed the custom of the Academy
that the ladies viewing wear more than the ladies viewed—well, enough! Let him
be hanged there for a Lamb. I have enough with Mr Noakes, who is to a garden
what a bull is to a china shop. (This as noakes enters.)
Thomasina: The Emperor of Irregularity!
(She settles down to drawing the diagram which is to be
the third item in the surviving portfolio.)
lady croom: Mr Noakes!
noakes: Your ladyship—
lady croom: What have you done to me!
noakes: Everything is satisfactory, I assure you. A little behind,
to be sure, but my dam will be repaired within the month—
lady croom: (Banging the table) Hush!
(In the silence, the steam engine thumps in the
distance.) Can you hear, Mr Noakes?
noakes: (Pleased and proud) The Improved Newcomen
steam pump—the only one in England!
lady croom: That is what I object to. If everybody had his
own I would bear my portion of the agony without complaint. But to have been
singled out by the only Improved Newcomen steam pump in England, this is hard,
sir, this is not to be borne.
noakes: Your lady—
lady croom: And for what? My lake is drained to a ditch for
no purpose I can understand, unless it be that snipe and curlew have deserted
three counties so that they may be shot in our swamp. What you painted as
forest is a mean plantation, your greenery is mud, your waterfall is wet mud, and
your mount is an opencast mine for the mud that was lacking in the dell. (Pointing
through the window.) What is that cowshed?
noakes: The hermitage, my lady?
lady croom: It is a cowshed.
noakes: Madam, it is, I assure you, a very habitable cottage,
properly founded and drained, two rooms and a closet under a slate roof and a
stone chimney—lady croom: And who is to live in it? noakes: Why, the hermit.
lady croom: Where is he? noakes: Madam? lady croom: You surely do not supply a
hermitage without a hermit? noakes: Indeed, madam-lady croom: Come, come, Mr
Noakes. If I am promised a fountain I expect it to come with water. What
hermits do you have? noakes: I have no hermits, my lady. lady croom: Not one? I
am speechless. noakes: I am sure a hermit can be found. One could advertise.
lady croom: Advertise? noakes: In the newspapers. lady croom: But surely a
hermit who takes a newspaper is not a hermit in whom one can have complete confidence.
noakes: I do not know what to suggest, my lady. Septimus: Is there room for a
piano? noakes: (Baffled) A piano? lady croom: We are intruding here—this
will not do, Mr
Hodge. Evidently, nothing is being learned. (To noakes)
Come along, sir! Thomasina: Mr Noakes—bad news from Paris!
noakes: Is it the Emperor Napoleon? THOMASINA: No. (She tears the page off
her drawing block y with her
‘diagram’ on it.) It concerns your heat engine.
Improve it as you will, you can never get out of it what you put in. It repays
eleven pence in the shilling at most. The penny is for this author’s thoughts.
(She gives the diagram to Septimus who looks at
it.) noakes: (Baffled again) Thank you, my lady.
(noakes goes out into the garden.) lady croom: (To
Septimus) Do you understand her? Septimus: No. lady croom: Then this business
is over. I was married at seventeen. Ce soir ilfaut qu’on
Similar Books
