her, snagging her gaze and keeping her eye contact.
His copper eyes were so sharp, they seemed to see inside her. And that would be a disaster. She had secrets he couldn’t discover. But apparently, he had secrets of his own.
“You’re right. That all sucks.”
His quiet tone made her grimace. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Hey, you never need to apologize to me for anything. I want to hear whatever you have to say. I don’t want you to filter anything.”
And wouldn’t that be amazing? For a man to actually mean that? In her experience, men wanted women to look nice at their sides and keep their mouths shut. To play the part of the smart doctor and the pretty socialite, something she couldn’t pull off even on a good day.
Even her dad, to some degree, wanted her to play a role.
As those thoughts wound through her head, she realized Ben had started to smile right before he had to turn away so he could drive.
“I filter everything,” she finally said. “I can’t help myself. Habit of the profession.”
“Guess that makes sense. But you don’t have to filter your personality for me, okay?”
“You’ll regret that.”
“No, I don’t think I will, but I’d love to know why you think that.”
Well, she’d dug the hole herself. Typical of her. She gave a deep sigh and decided to take him up on his offer. To give him a dose of her unfiltered personality because she’d rather know now than three weeks down the line if he could handle her. She hadn’t met a man yet who could.
She sighed. “Because I’m not exactly sure how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Date.”
He didn’t answer right away, as if he was having trouble figuring out what to say.
“Obviously you weren’t dating the right guys.”
She shook her head, a bemused smile curving her lips. “Do you have an answer for everything?”
He smiled, and her heart pounded against her ribs in a crazy rhythm.
“Usually, yeah. Drives my cousin crazy. But in my business, it’s a good trait to have. If I question everything, I’m usually never surprised when shit goes sideways.”
His mention of his cousin made her thoughts start to spiral, but she made a conscious effort to keep her focus steady. “And does that happen a lot?”
“More than you might think. Sometimes it’s just something simple, like a missing piece of equipment. Sometimes it’s an ambush you never saw coming.”
“Has that happened?”
“Yes.”
“You said you were in the Navy, right?”
His smile returned. “Wasn’t sure you’d remember that. You’d had a few drinks.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Where were you stationed?”
He shrugged. “All over. The Middle East my last few years. A few places I can’t tell you.”
“Why did you leave?”
“After the third or fourth time you’re shot or stabbed, you realize you’re not immortal and maybe there’s more to life than an adrenaline rush.”
“Is that why you went into the service? For the rush?”
“I went into the service because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. I was eighteen and had a high school diploma, no money for college, and no burning desire to go. And I needed a way to make an honest living. I didn’t want to spend my life pushing drugs or providing muscle for criminals. I figured, at least in the service, I probably wouldn’t end up with a record.”
She bit her lip, knowing that he meant he hadn’t wanted to work for someone like her dad.
The land mines were increasing by the second, but she pushed forward, finding their conversation fascinating.
“A lot of the guys I went to school with ended up working for the gangs or the families,” Ben continued. “That wasn’t what I wanted out of life. Most people never get out. Or, if they do, it’s in a body bag.”
She could’ve argued his point. There were some men who got out with their lives. Men like Max and Jesse. But they were the exception, not the rule.
Then again, most of Karel
His copper eyes were so sharp, they seemed to see inside her. And that would be a disaster. She had secrets he couldn’t discover. But apparently, he had secrets of his own.
“You’re right. That all sucks.”
His quiet tone made her grimace. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Hey, you never need to apologize to me for anything. I want to hear whatever you have to say. I don’t want you to filter anything.”
And wouldn’t that be amazing? For a man to actually mean that? In her experience, men wanted women to look nice at their sides and keep their mouths shut. To play the part of the smart doctor and the pretty socialite, something she couldn’t pull off even on a good day.
Even her dad, to some degree, wanted her to play a role.
As those thoughts wound through her head, she realized Ben had started to smile right before he had to turn away so he could drive.
“I filter everything,” she finally said. “I can’t help myself. Habit of the profession.”
“Guess that makes sense. But you don’t have to filter your personality for me, okay?”
“You’ll regret that.”
“No, I don’t think I will, but I’d love to know why you think that.”
Well, she’d dug the hole herself. Typical of her. She gave a deep sigh and decided to take him up on his offer. To give him a dose of her unfiltered personality because she’d rather know now than three weeks down the line if he could handle her. She hadn’t met a man yet who could.
She sighed. “Because I’m not exactly sure how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Date.”
He didn’t answer right away, as if he was having trouble figuring out what to say.
“Obviously you weren’t dating the right guys.”
She shook her head, a bemused smile curving her lips. “Do you have an answer for everything?”
He smiled, and her heart pounded against her ribs in a crazy rhythm.
“Usually, yeah. Drives my cousin crazy. But in my business, it’s a good trait to have. If I question everything, I’m usually never surprised when shit goes sideways.”
His mention of his cousin made her thoughts start to spiral, but she made a conscious effort to keep her focus steady. “And does that happen a lot?”
“More than you might think. Sometimes it’s just something simple, like a missing piece of equipment. Sometimes it’s an ambush you never saw coming.”
“Has that happened?”
“Yes.”
“You said you were in the Navy, right?”
His smile returned. “Wasn’t sure you’d remember that. You’d had a few drinks.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Where were you stationed?”
He shrugged. “All over. The Middle East my last few years. A few places I can’t tell you.”
“Why did you leave?”
“After the third or fourth time you’re shot or stabbed, you realize you’re not immortal and maybe there’s more to life than an adrenaline rush.”
“Is that why you went into the service? For the rush?”
“I went into the service because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. I was eighteen and had a high school diploma, no money for college, and no burning desire to go. And I needed a way to make an honest living. I didn’t want to spend my life pushing drugs or providing muscle for criminals. I figured, at least in the service, I probably wouldn’t end up with a record.”
She bit her lip, knowing that he meant he hadn’t wanted to work for someone like her dad.
The land mines were increasing by the second, but she pushed forward, finding their conversation fascinating.
“A lot of the guys I went to school with ended up working for the gangs or the families,” Ben continued. “That wasn’t what I wanted out of life. Most people never get out. Or, if they do, it’s in a body bag.”
She could’ve argued his point. There were some men who got out with their lives. Men like Max and Jesse. But they were the exception, not the rule.
Then again, most of Karel
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