have to talk to
him, and I tell myself it’s not because some deep part of me craves the
sound of his voice. I have to turn him away and be convincing.
For him. For his safety. Money can buy things, and even people, but
it can’t keep him alive. Not from a threat I don’t understand enough to
explain.
I draw a breath and answer the call. “Hello.”
“Amy,” Liam says, and somehow my name is both a command and a
caress.
“Liam,” I reply and I like how my name sounds on his lips. I also like
how his name feels on my tongue. Even more so. I like how his tongue feels
against mine, how he feels when I am with him.
“You didn’t text me like I told you to.”
Normally I would bristle at the command, but it takes effort to
muster objection. “I’m not good at taking orders, Liam.”
“Is that why you didn’t text me?” His voice is softer now, his tone too
intimate and yet still not intimate enough to satisfy the craving his voice
creates in me. I will myself to say more, to say goodbye, but I can’t get the
words out. I settle on, “I’m going to drop the phone by your hotel. I can’t
accept it.”
“It’s a gift.”
“I pay my own way.”
“The money is nothing to me and everything to you.”
This time I do bristle. Money is nothing to me beyond basic survival.
“Your money is nothing to me, Liam.”
“And while that makes me immensely happy in some way, Amy, it
does not now, when we are talking about the phone. Money is just money.
You are right. But your safety is another story. You need the phone.”
I think of the phone my handler gave me, and it bothers me he can
track me. He can perhaps see my phone records. But won’t Liam be able to
do the same? “I’ll get my own phone.”
“Use this one until you do.”
I open my mouth to object and he seems to read my thoughts.
“Compromise, Amy.”
Compromise. And while I feel that is all I have done my entire life, it
is strangely appealing with Liam, maybe because it implies there is a
relationship between us that there isn’t.
Is there? “I can’t keep the phone.”
“At least keep it and use it until we can talk about it tonight.”
Tonight? “No. No there isn’t a tonight. I can’t see you anymore.”
Silence. One beat. Two. “There is that word again,” he observes, and
then repeats, “We’ll talk tonight, Amy.”
“No, Liam. No.”
“You think you’re alone but you aren’t.”
“Because I have you now?”
“Yes. I know you don’t believe that, but you will. Soon, baby, you
will.”
The idea of having him is bittersweet in so many ways I can’t tick
them off in a year.
“You don’t know what I think or what is important to me.”
“I know enough. The rest I want to find out.”
“No.” But it sounds like yes. “I won’t be here tonight. I have plans.”
Like locking myself in that cage of an apartment and going nowhere.
“I’m not going away, Amy. You do know that, don’t you?”
His voice is possessive, a rasp of sandpaper over my nerve endings
followed by pure silk, and it does funny things to my stomach. “I don’t need
a protector, Liam.”
“I see things differently.”
My spine locks into a steel bar. “I am not your—”
“Not yet. But I want you to be.”
I blink. What? He wants me to be what?
“I’ll call you when I finally get out of this meeting. It will probably be
about six. One of the investors isn’t flying in until later today.”
I fight the urge to ask about the meeting and the investor. “Why are
you doing this?” I whisper.
“You won’t like my answer.”
“How do you know what I like or don’t like?”
“I’ll see you tonight.” The line goes dead and I do not know why, but I
need my answer. I call back. He answers immediately. “At least I have you
using the phone.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because you are you, Amy. And I have to go, but text me if you need
me.” He hangs up again.
I clutch the
him, and I tell myself it’s not because some deep part of me craves the
sound of his voice. I have to turn him away and be convincing.
For him. For his safety. Money can buy things, and even people, but
it can’t keep him alive. Not from a threat I don’t understand enough to
explain.
I draw a breath and answer the call. “Hello.”
“Amy,” Liam says, and somehow my name is both a command and a
caress.
“Liam,” I reply and I like how my name sounds on his lips. I also like
how his name feels on my tongue. Even more so. I like how his tongue feels
against mine, how he feels when I am with him.
“You didn’t text me like I told you to.”
Normally I would bristle at the command, but it takes effort to
muster objection. “I’m not good at taking orders, Liam.”
“Is that why you didn’t text me?” His voice is softer now, his tone too
intimate and yet still not intimate enough to satisfy the craving his voice
creates in me. I will myself to say more, to say goodbye, but I can’t get the
words out. I settle on, “I’m going to drop the phone by your hotel. I can’t
accept it.”
“It’s a gift.”
“I pay my own way.”
“The money is nothing to me and everything to you.”
This time I do bristle. Money is nothing to me beyond basic survival.
“Your money is nothing to me, Liam.”
“And while that makes me immensely happy in some way, Amy, it
does not now, when we are talking about the phone. Money is just money.
You are right. But your safety is another story. You need the phone.”
I think of the phone my handler gave me, and it bothers me he can
track me. He can perhaps see my phone records. But won’t Liam be able to
do the same? “I’ll get my own phone.”
“Use this one until you do.”
I open my mouth to object and he seems to read my thoughts.
“Compromise, Amy.”
Compromise. And while I feel that is all I have done my entire life, it
is strangely appealing with Liam, maybe because it implies there is a
relationship between us that there isn’t.
Is there? “I can’t keep the phone.”
“At least keep it and use it until we can talk about it tonight.”
Tonight? “No. No there isn’t a tonight. I can’t see you anymore.”
Silence. One beat. Two. “There is that word again,” he observes, and
then repeats, “We’ll talk tonight, Amy.”
“No, Liam. No.”
“You think you’re alone but you aren’t.”
“Because I have you now?”
“Yes. I know you don’t believe that, but you will. Soon, baby, you
will.”
The idea of having him is bittersweet in so many ways I can’t tick
them off in a year.
“You don’t know what I think or what is important to me.”
“I know enough. The rest I want to find out.”
“No.” But it sounds like yes. “I won’t be here tonight. I have plans.”
Like locking myself in that cage of an apartment and going nowhere.
“I’m not going away, Amy. You do know that, don’t you?”
His voice is possessive, a rasp of sandpaper over my nerve endings
followed by pure silk, and it does funny things to my stomach. “I don’t need
a protector, Liam.”
“I see things differently.”
My spine locks into a steel bar. “I am not your—”
“Not yet. But I want you to be.”
I blink. What? He wants me to be what?
“I’ll call you when I finally get out of this meeting. It will probably be
about six. One of the investors isn’t flying in until later today.”
I fight the urge to ask about the meeting and the investor. “Why are
you doing this?” I whisper.
“You won’t like my answer.”
“How do you know what I like or don’t like?”
“I’ll see you tonight.” The line goes dead and I do not know why, but I
need my answer. I call back. He answers immediately. “At least I have you
using the phone.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because you are you, Amy. And I have to go, but text me if you need
me.” He hangs up again.
I clutch the
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